Feedback on technique from blueclouds

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    This is the first time I’m writing something here on the forum, so I hope I’m pushing all the right buttons. You never know. I’m usually not that good with computers. 🙂

    I’ve been reading this forum for over six months now, and I must say I’ve learned a lot from all of you. Thank you so much for your being so open on the subject. Getting in touch with other patients is not easy so this forum is a great source of information for people dealing with the same frustrations and feelings.

    I’ve turned 22 in June, and I discovered I’ve got vaginismus from the moment I became sexually active (which was at the end of last year). Penetration was not painful, but downright impossible (which is probably even worse). My friend couldn’t get in at all. I should have known because I tried using tampons before and I couldn’t insert them, but I honestly thought I was doing something wrong and I continued using pads without further thought.

    There is currently a waiting list at the therapist I want to go to, so I need to wait a few more weeks before I can start seeing her and start doing my exercises.

    The diagnosis had a huge impact on my partner, and I can totally understand that. He’s 22 and should be enjoying daily sex with his partner, but instead he ended up with someone who can’t give him that. I always tried to make sure our love life didn’t suffer from my vaginismus and we still had some intimate moments in bed, during which I usually masturbated him. Due to some family related problems, my libido went downhill, the frequency of our romantic nights dropped and it didn’t take too long before I caught my friend doing his thing in the shower. He felt bad about it, said he resumed masturbation because he needed relief and I wasn’t taking care of that anymore. I felt betrayed cause he never talked about his needs and we had a huge fight.

    This is where I want to give a big hug and say thank you to @blueclouds for the technique she posted here about a month ago, cause this probably saved my relationship. I showed my boyfriend what was posted by her and he agreed on giving it a try. Basically he promised to stop masturbating behind by back and every time he felt he needed an orgasm, he had to open up on his and talk to be about it. Whenever I was in the mood, I’d help him out, and when I had other things on my mind, he could do whatever he needed to do, but next to me and not hidden in the bathroom. This had a huge, huge impact on our love life and it even put my libido back on track again. Thanks for posting this tip!


    Thanks for sharing that this worked for you, frederique1999! I think it’s a great tip to bring intimacy back into your relationship even when you’re working on vaginismus treatment. It’s great that we can share wisdom here and learn from each other!


    As I wrote in the original thread, this works SUPER for us too. My partner always had difficulties talking about intimate stuff and he had a hard time communicating about his sexual needs, and this technique helps a lot with that.


    Thanks for sharing the technique.

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