Sizes and shapes

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    My name is Lina, and I’ve discovered your bulletin board cause it was mentioned in a Dutch womans magazine last week.

    I’ve got a question for you guys, something that has been bothering me for a long time.

    This is probably TMI but I’ve always had the feeling I was more mature than my high school classmates when it came to sex. I think I was 12 or 13 when I secretly began reading some of the ‘forbidden’ books my parents had hidden in their bedroom. I wanted to know how sex worked and felt, etc… Maybe it’s atypical for most vaginismus patients, but I’ve never had issues touching myself down there, I can get excited pretty quickly, when I really want I can have an orgasm within 30 seconds, etc.. However, I also had the impression I was pretty small down there. I could barely insert two fingers, three was impossible, but I always hoped this was linked to my age and that things would start getting wider when I got older.

    I was 16 when I had my first boyfriend (he was 18 at that time). When I saw him naked for the first time I thought: “this will never fit!” And a few weeks later that turned out to be true. Each time he entered me, things stretched out so much down there, my vagina hurt for a day or two. Although I admit I adored the way his penis looked (sorry), I’ve never been able to have sex with him. We always had to stop cause it was too painful.

    I started looking for info on the internet and I was convinced I had vaginismus, which was a terrifying idea since I couldn’t talk about this with my mom (she wasn’t aware I was already sexually active). Things got even worse when I started looking up porn and discovered all those guys had even bigger (!) genitals. I got scared I could NEVER have sex in my entire life.

    Two years later I got to know my current husband. Guess what? His penis is much smaller, and everything simply ‘fits’ without hurting me.

    This got me thinking… do I really have vaginismus, or was it the size of my previous boyfriend that “provoked” vaginismus? Is there something like having a “compatible” partner when it comes to sizes? When I hear some of my girlfriends boasting about how big their partner is, all I can think is: no please, not for me. Bigger certainly is not better.

    Maybe this is something women aren’t supposed to talk about, but this question has been on my mind for a long time.


    I think the whole “bigger is better” idea is rubbish. I agree a large penis might be hot to look at, but I’ve heard from some of my friends having sex with a well endowed partner can be difficult to say the least (and they don’t even have vaginismus). So I’m glad for you you found a partner with the right size 🙂


    Hi itsmelina! I’m so happy for you that sex is possible! And like Theresa said, bigger is not always better. I always tell my Husband that his penis size is perfect. I don’t know why men get so caught up in wanting to be huge! The vagina only stretches back 5 or 6 inches, and that’s provided that the woman is appropriately aroused. I joke with my husband that if he were 8 inches, 2 inches of his penis would be very sad as that would not be going inside me! But, they do make a dilator that is meant to help stretch and strengthen the muscles of the vagina to accommodate larger partners, girth wise. Pure Romance is the name of the company. And if length is ever a problem, you could look into OhNut! They are little rubber rings, that go onto the penis. I think they send you 3 or 4 of them. So if need be, you could stack 2 on your partners penis and it would prevent his penis from going too deep into your vagina. My Husband and I gave them a shot when we had just started having penetrative sex after my vaginismus treatment and they work great! Some wonderful woman here at Maze told me about them and my husband didn’t have any complaints! He said they’re so comfy he couldn’t even feel it on him and it didn’t take away any of his pleasure. I am so happy for you that you are having pain free sex! 🙂 That’s the goal here!


    Heather is right, an average vagina is only 5 inch deep, so every inch more is wasted. I can certainly understand why bigger isn’t always better!


    Thanks for sharing your story, itsmelina! Your story highlights the fact that penises and vaginas are all so different! It’s true that vaginas are only so deep, although there’s a lot of variability in how relaxed/tight they are – and of course a huge variety of penis sizes too. Some men really are so big it can be painful for a lot of us with tighter vaginas! It’s great that you and your husband are compatible in that way and don’t have pain.

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