[Katy]

I do have anxiety but it isn’t nearly as bad as it was in the beginning. I actually feel that the pain is causing my anxiety. Of course, I suppose I’ll never know which came first. When it doesn’t hurt, I feel relaxed. When it starts hurting really bad my anxiety spikes. Or, does it not hurt BECAUSE I’m relaxed? What a horrible pain and anxiety cycle.

I did use the lidocaine mixed with the lubricant a lot in the beginning and it did help a lot, but I remember Dr Pacik saying that I shouldn’t continue to use it for too long or I’ll become reliant on it. So I stopped.

I guess part of my frustration is that since the treatment, the muscle spasms have gone away. Thats how I’m able to dilate in the first place. So I feel like my body should react like any other normal woman. Other women don’t still feel so much pain 6 months after having sex for the first time, so why do I still have so much pain 6 months after starting dilation? That may be a stupid question, but one that’s been on my mind a lot.

[Katy]

Hello! I’m here to tell you that it won’t always be this hard! I have Vasovagal Syncope and have had it since I was about 6 years old. Before I had my procedure, I used to try dilating on my own and have come close to passing out many times. Every time I had to have a doctor examine me, I would have to have them stop because I would come dangerously close to passing out. On the night right after I had my procedure, I was in a lot of pain with the #4 dilator inside me and did actually pass out in the hotel room. Luckily I had my mom there to help me, and I moved down to a more comfortable size. However, it does get better, I promise! I’m not sure if you have gone through with the procedure yet, or if you even plan to, but since I had it done I have only felt dizzy a few rare times while inserting a dilator. Any pain, discomfort, and fear that you have while trying to insert something gets less and less each time! There is hope! I can tell you I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was terrified to ever try dilating or insertion of any kind ever again because I felt that I would just pass out if I even tried. Try laying down with your feet propped up a little when you try insertion, and drink a lot of water. Also, a little bit of distraction helps as well. (Watching Tv, a movie, music, etc..) Hope that helps! Best wishes!

[Katy]

I am not doing well. For weeks now, my progress has done nothing but go downhill. I used to be awesome at #4 and able to attempt #5. Now, if I can get #3 in at all, it takes an hour straight and hurts like I’m being stabbed. Some days I’ll push through all the horrible pain for over an hour and still not get anything in. It has gotten harder and harder and I have been crying myself to sleep almost every night. I honestly feel like I’m failing. I don’t want to put myself through this torture anymore, because the pain I feel while dilating feels like torture. I’m so close to giving up.

[Katy]

Thank you so much for your kind words. Reading your reply brought tears to my eyes. I feel such comfort knowing I’m not alone in this. Even though I’ve never met any of the wonderful ladies on this forum, I feel as though we are all family. Seeing each other through all our struggles. Thank you for the prayers and I will send some your way as well!

[Katy]

I can tell you there is absolutely NOTHING to worry about with the anesthesia. While Dr. Pacik was doing the initial examination, they gave me a small dose. I just got a little foggy and dizzy. I remember saying “oh! I like this stuff!” Haha! I remember being given a second very low dose and I didn’t really notice a difference. At that point I was very relaxed and was just focused on what Dr. Pacik was saying. Then, I woke up in a nice cozy bed in the recovery room with the #6 dilator in place. It didn’t even hurt, it just felt full. (For lack of a better description). The whole procedure process was very easy and even though my anxiety was at 100, they still made me feel like I had nothing to worry about.

[Katy]

That does make sense! I hate having to stand up from sitting as well. I only use the glass dilators as of right now. It makes it a little easier, but I am only a week post procedure and I’m still in a decent amount of pain. I was kind of staring at the travel pillows at work today and randomly had the thought to sit on it. So I bought it! It’s incredible.

[Katy]

Dr. Pacik said we should dilate for 2 hours a day. It could be one hour in the morning and one hour at night, or it can be 2 straight hours whenever you get the time during the day. He also says to sleep with a dilator in every other night, or every 3rd night. I actually like my dilating time either before or after work. I get to catch up on Netflix or read a book while I work on dilating and it’s a great way to get some “me time”.

[Katy]

I had my procedure a week ago on August 3rd. I am going to be honest, I didn’t have the best time the day/night of the procedure. There was a lot more blood than I thought there would be and I also had to be given a stronger pain pill because of how much pain I was in that night. But I don’t want that to scare or discourage anyone. I can’t tell you how extremely happy I am with my progress. I was able to begin dilating that same day after not being able to ever insert anything my entire life. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to dilate after the procedure. Now when I say easy, it wasn’t actually effortless. I had to go down to the #3 dilator because the #4 was too much for me at first. I takes a decent amount of time to get them fully in and there is still some soreness and pain. However, considering I used to lay there for hours trying to painfully dilate and got NOWHERE, month after month, I feel like they just slip right in now. I have level 5 primary Vaginismus and used to get nauseous at just the thought of a dilator, and now I love them! I am so excited that I can actually use them and make progress! You ladies are so brave for doing this! Keep your heads up!!0

[Katy]

Thank you! I’m starting to realize that most of my anxiety is all in my head. I have progressed farther than I ever thought possible in such a short time. I’m having trouble thinking positive and realizing that I can do it! I suppose that will take time.

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