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Thanks for the encouragement. I’ll keep you posted!

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Thanks for the advice – I have bought a jar of organic coconut oil but haven’t had a chance to try it yet! I actually managed to find a sex therapist locally who I met for the first time yesterday and she was lovely, so I’m hopeful I can now get some support with this. Feeling a little bit ridiculous at the moment as it’s such an effort for us both switching positions, angles etc whilst trying to maintain an erection – we’re so exhausted at the end of it all I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! I thought once I’d mastered the dilators sex would come easier and I keep thinking “this is meant to be natural and just happen” but it’s proving to be more challenging than I imagined. Anyway, I’ll continue to dilate as much as I can and just hope with practice we will succeed. We have achieved full penetration a few times now but with the problems mentioned above, so we’ll persevere.

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Congratulations! I am at a similar stage to you and at the moment only feel I can attempt intercourse if I’m on top. Control is a big issue for me so most positions are out, especially missionary. We were successful with full penetration yesterday and I had very little feeling deep inside (that may have been the lube) but I was quite sore near the entrance particularly when my husband moved. I hope this becomes more comfortable soon as it’s easy to give up at this stage because I don’t really get any pleasure from intercourse and I’ve had this condition so long it’s important that I do eventually enjoy it!

Please keep me posted on your progress; maybe we can give each other tips! x

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Spring 19 I had the same situation with Femmax dilators. I managed no 1 and 2 very quickly and then struggled to get no 3 in for about 10 days, dilating every day; really frustrating. With practice though I mastered no 3 and then had the same problem with no 4, which is quite a step up! However, with perseverance and using deep breathing to help relax the muscles I can now do all the dilators comfortably, although it takes a bit longer to get no 4 in! I too worried about hitting my cervix but I can get no 4 in all the way now and it doesn’t hit anything, so I think I was just getting worked up. Good luck with the dilating – as long as you do it regularly you will progress.

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So true! Thanks all for your support.

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Thanks recessivegenequeen, I hope after all this time that I will eventually enjoy sex.

Like you I have the need to help others who are going through this and would love the chance to meet another sufferer face to face (I know I probably have but unknowingly!). I would also love to be part of a conference where medical professionals would be in order to help them to greater understand what it’s like to have vaginismus and promote a more sensitive approach to the condition. I keep wondering how many women are still out there all over the world thinking that they’re the only one…

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Thanks Melissa. I’m definitely very confident with all sizes of the dilators now and I’ve taken your advice regarding movement to get me used to the feeling. Due to work patterns we haven’t had sex again yet but I feel quite confident that it won’t hurt; I just need to deal with the control aspect now. I’m also a bit worried for my husband keeping an erection but I don’t want to put pressure on him. Anyway, trying to keep positive as I know I’ve come a long way over the last few weeks!

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Thanks Cathleen. We actually had intercourse today (and today’s my birthday!). I dilated first with the largest dilator for about 15 minutes then we tried with me on top – obviously I needed to be in full control! It didn’t hurt but it was awkward because I asked my husband not to move or suddenly grab me etc so it was difficult for him to keep momentum. He also said he was afraid to be too hard in case he hurt me. I know these are typical problems during transition and we have been at this stage many years ago but unfortunately we didn’t progress much further. It actually felt a lot softer than the plastic dilators and we used plenty of lube, which my husband noticed took some of the feeling away.

Anyway, it’s progress. I know we still have a long way to go but it was encouraging.

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Hi, me again. I have kept up with the daily dilating and I can now manage all the sizes without pain so I feel quite proud of myself! However, even though I expect some discomfort I still find the feeling of movement with the dilator really weird and I can’t imagine intercourse ever feeling pleasant. I move them around in various ways in order to face my fear and that has definitely helped, so now I need to start thinking about transitioning to sex which I know will be another hurdle, so wish me luck!

The other interesting thing I’ve noticed since I’ve started self-treatment again after many years is the emotional changes in me. I don’t know whether anyone else has experienced this but (especially in my case after many years with vaginismus) all my pent-up anger has surfaced now and I am outraged about some of the so-called medical treatment and ‘support’ I’ve had in the past from the medical profession and the fact that this condition is still hidden. I have an urge to speak out to the world about how cruel vaginismus is and the extent it can affect all areas of your life; I suspect there are still many women out there who keep it secret and live in shame who need to know they aren’t alone and help is available.

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It came today and it seems to work! It is a little runnier than I would have wanted; I think a cross between a water-based gel and the silicone one would be perfect! Anyway, thanks for the input. I’m now on the largest dilator of 4 and making steady progress.

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Thank you. I have been told by my GP that vaginismus is now not covered by the NHS so I have to investigate private options at great cost! To be honest I feel really angry at this and have put a complaint in to the NHS because I don’t think the medical profession realises just how cruel this condition is and how it can affect all areas of your life. It feels like a slap in the face when many other (lesser) problems are fully funded. I know that medical insurance covers vaginismus treatment in the US as it’s recognised as a medical condition there, so well done for being ahead of the UK!

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Thanks for your reply. I’m relieved you recommended a silicone based lube because I’ve just ordered one with silicone on line! I had to go ahead and order one because I had run out completely and am using olive oil in the meantime which is ok but not great. I’ll take a look at the links you provided in case I get a different one next time.

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Hi Strega001,

Im in the UK and was surprised to see in your post that you’ve been referred to a pyscho-sexual clinic for vaginismus. I went to my GP recently and she informed me that there was nothing provided on the NHS for this condition any longer. Can I ask if you have had to go private for your treatment?

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Thanks recessivegenequeen, what a relief! This just felt like another massive hurdle I had to overcome. After my post I did try to sleep with a small dilator in but it was impossible for me as in certain positions it was just too uncomfortable and I became quite distressed with the whole thing. It seems strange that I can now tolerate the largest dilator and be pain free with numbers 1 to 3 but I found sleeping with one so hard! Anyway, I dilate for around half and hour to an hour every day and I’ll continue with that. I’m also having a 10 minute consultation over Skype with a Licensed Thrive Consultant & Psychotherapist in the UK who says she has a ‘different’ but highly successful programme for vaginismus. I don’t expect any miracles but I thought it wouldn’t harm to speak to her. I’ll let you know what I think.

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I’m afraid I have another question! I feel I’m progressing well with the dilators but I notice that many women on here have slept with a dilator in and the thought of that completely freaks me out! Is it absolutely necessary to do that or can I get over vaginismus just with the everyday dilating that I’m currently doing?

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