Lube affecting sensation

[endofmytether]

I’m currently in the transition to intercourse stage and using a silicone lube which I found helpful during dilating. However, when using the lube for intercourse my husband finds that the lube makes it difficult for him to feel anything! We are also using viagra as he is worried about hurting me which can result in him losing his erection. This results in a lot of fumbling around for both of us and occasionally loss of erection as he doesn’t feel much sensation. I don’t think the lube has anything in it which has this numbing effect and I obviously need to use some lube so this is a bit of a block. Any advice anyone please? Has anyone else experienced this?

[Jennifer Dembo, LMSW]

Hi endofmytether: our advice is to try a variety of lubrication options to see what you and husband might prefer. We usually recommend starting with organic coconut oil (but not with condoms – it can break down the integrity of the material); Sliquid is another popular choice. But there are many, MANY on the market – so play,explore and experiment.

Another potential tip: if you are applying lube to his penis and your vagina, apply to only one of you – less might be just be more in this case.

As always, let us know if you need any further suggestions!

[Jennifer Dembo, LMSW]

Hi endofmytether: our advice is to try a variety of lubrication options to see what you and husband might prefer. We usually recommend starting with organic coconut oil (but not with condoms – it can break down the integrity of the material); Sliquid is another popular choice. But there are many, MANY on the market – so play, explore and experiment.

Another potential tip: if you are applying lube to his penis and your vagina, apply to only one of you – less might be just be more in this case.

As always, let us know if you need any further suggestions!

[endofmytether]

Thanks for the advice – I have bought a jar of organic coconut oil but haven’t had a chance to try it yet! I actually managed to find a sex therapist locally who I met for the first time yesterday and she was lovely, so I’m hopeful I can now get some support with this. Feeling a little bit ridiculous at the moment as it’s such an effort for us both switching positions, angles etc whilst trying to maintain an erection – we’re so exhausted at the end of it all I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! I thought once I’d mastered the dilators sex would come easier and I keep thinking “this is meant to be natural and just happen” but it’s proving to be more challenging than I imagined. Anyway, I’ll continue to dilate as much as I can and just hope with practice we will succeed. We have achieved full penetration a few times now but with the problems mentioned above, so we’ll persevere.

[recessivegenequeen]

Endofmytether – I know it can feel like a comedy of errors sometimes when you’re first starting out with intercourse, but you will get better at it, I promise! Sex is a skill as much as anything of else and takes practice to find out what works and hone your technique. I remember this being something of an issue too for me – often the treatment of vaginismus involves so much attention on the women’s problems that the man can have unexpected issues himself! Especially if he is used to worrying about hurting you or has his own doubts about whether sex can be good for you. Jennifer’s advice was great, and all I would add is to communicate often about how you’re feeling and give yourself patience in intercourse the same way you did with dilating. It’ll all come together in the end!

[endofmytether]

Thanks for the encouragement. I’ll keep you posted!

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi endofmytether,
It’s been a year since this last post and hoping you are doing well and no longer at “the end of your tether”!