All Things DILATING (2)

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    Thanks Melissa. I’m definitely very confident with all sizes of the dilators now and I’ve taken your advice regarding movement to get me used to the feeling. Due to work patterns we haven’t had sex again yet but I feel quite confident that it won’t hurt; I just need to deal with the control aspect now. I’m also a bit worried for my husband keeping an erection but I don’t want to put pressure on him. Anyway, trying to keep positive as I know I’ve come a long way over the last few weeks!


    endofmytether, CONGRATULATIONS!!! Intercourse is such a big step, even though like Melissa said it DOES feel very mechanical at first. But it’s still a huge step and you’d be surprised how quickly the sex can start to feel good. It truly just takes practice, but you’ve already been great and persistent with dilation – keep at it and you’ll be surprised what happens!

    Also, you mentioned feelings of anger beginning to emerge as you proceed with dilating, and I had very much the same reaction too. Vaginismus is such an emotional experience that keeps a person trapped inside themselves, but once you start to deal with it you’re able to climb out of your bubble of guilt, shame, self-loathing, etc., which is when you have time to feel outward anger at all the medical professionals over the years who made you feel abnormal or failed to diagnose you sooner. The best antidote I know is to talk about vaginismus and support the people still going through it. If people can spend less years wondering what’s wrong with them or whether they’ll ever be normal, the world will be better for it.


    Thanks recessivegenequeen, I hope after all this time that I will eventually enjoy sex.

    Like you I have the need to help others who are going through this and would love the chance to meet another sufferer face to face (I know I probably have but unknowingly!). I would also love to be part of a conference where medical professionals would be in order to help them to greater understand what it’s like to have vaginismus and promote a more sensitive approach to the condition. I keep wondering how many women are still out there all over the world thinking that they’re the only one…


    If you partner does experience erection issues, that is so normal. Many partners of women with vaginismus have trouble with erections because of the repeated attempts at intercourse and failure. They also don’t want to cause their partner any pain, which is also in their minds. If your partner wanted to get a prescription for a viagra or medication similar, it might be helpful for his erection to be stronger and last longer. Most partners only need to use the medication a few times and then they don’t need it any longer once they are successful with penetration.


    Endofmytether, it’s so true! I wonder the same thing about how many people are suffering about there – I bet it’s a very underreported problem due to both lack of awareness and embarrassment. I just hope that the more people are able to get treatment and cure their vaginismus, we’ll be able to make it a larger part of the conversation about health the way that erectile dysfunction is a more widely understood and discussed problem. I also want to meet another sufferer someday (though of course I surely have without knowing it) – hopefully we can put this expertise to good use out in the world!


    So true! Thanks all for your support.


    I too am using Femmax dilators since March 9th and progressed with 1 and 2 very quickly but I have only been able to insert 3 about 3 inches in. It is snug but I feel it should go deeper. Did anyone else have this? Femmax have certainly helped to ease anxiety associated with penetration and I’m very positive about reaching the 4th dilator. I’ve also slept with no. 2 a couple of times. My question however is this, is 3 inches enough to be inserted for no. 3 even though I feel there is space for it to go in further? The second one goes in all the way and is very comfortable say 8cm. It feels like a band of muscle in the way and I’m slightly hesitant to push deeper but I really want to get to 4. Is this the introitus muscle or is this too high? DR Pacik’s glass dilators are 3inches length-is that correct? So as long as the muscle which is 2.5cm in is relaxed it should fall in-however this is not the case with no. 3 (27mm diam) probably same as no. 5 glass. I am starting to despair and question if I have succeeded with 3 and I’m now ready for 4 or have I to push past the 3inches I am already in.


    Hi Spring 19
    The average length of the vagina is 3 3/4 inches so if you are getting that dilator in 3 inches then you are going in far enough. Those muscles in the introitus are very superficial. If you are getting number 3 in that far and have been doing it successfully for a while, you should be ready for number 4. Just remember, it is a new dilator and definitely may take some work to get it in, use the 3 beforehand to get yourself ready.
    Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.


    Thanks for the advice Cathleen. I got my Aunt Flo a few days early and I’m now thinking that maybe what I was trying to push into was my cervix and I was bumping into it, but not sure as this felt spongy/springy and I was assuming it was a band of muscle? Does the cervix sit low when about to menstruate maybe. When I removed the 3 dilator it had a speck of blood on the tip and I assumed it was a tiny bleed due to dilating but then my flow arrived next morning. I will definitely begin with 3 to warm up and then start using 4. How much are the glass Pacik dilators for just one, possibly the no. 6? The entry muscle Pelvic floor, for me no longer spasms and I now consciously move it down and out as I breathe in and out. I will see how the 4 goes.


    Spring 19 I had the same situation with Femmax dilators. I managed no 1 and 2 very quickly and then struggled to get no 3 in for about 10 days, dilating every day; really frustrating. With practice though I mastered no 3 and then had the same problem with no 4, which is quite a step up! However, with perseverance and using deep breathing to help relax the muscles I can now do all the dilators comfortably, although it takes a bit longer to get no 4 in! I too worried about hitting my cervix but I can get no 4 in all the way now and it doesn’t hit anything, so I think I was just getting worked up. Good luck with the dilating – as long as you do it regularly you will progress.


    Thank you so much for the encouragement! So I tried no 4, 2 days ago during a light flow and started with no 3 to warm up. I was able to insert no 3 the same 3 inches as I have been for the past 15 dilator sessions, so I went ahead and tried no 4 and was able to insert it comfortably 2inches without any twinges. I felt confident! Then I thought I’d go back to no 3 and…it went in further! So now I’m up to 4inches with no 3 which is most of the dilator, same as with 1 and 2. I will now progress with 4 now and work my way up to 4inches with that too. You’re right it is a huge step seeing as 3 is 27mm diam and 4 is 35mm diam but they are working the muscles down there and so I’m not giving up! Daily progress definitely earns you results and well done on your success!


    That is so awesome to hear! Keep going and keep us posted!!!


    Hey Everyone, I’m from South Africa so I purchased dilators from a site called my sexual health and I didn’t go for the botox procedure. I’m only on the second dilator. The first one was easy for me but I just have a question regarding how it’s supposed to feel because I’m using the second dilator for maybe around 3 weeks now, for the entire 3 weeks the whole dilator goes in but some days it feels as if nothing is in my vagina and some days like yesterday I feel a little, I wouldn’t say like bad pain because it’s not excruciating but it’s like a burning discomfort kinda feeling but it makes me wanna take it out or not move at all so I lay in bed still until it’s time to take it out, also when I insert the dilator there’s a feeling of tightness but nothings ever so bad where I can’t continue, if I feel like it’s going to get worse then I just take it out and reinsert but every night when I dilate I go through that, it’s either a little pain entering and no pain when the second half is going in or there’s no pain entering and a little pain deep inside my vagina, I’m so confused and feel like I’m stuck with this one when I have 3 more to go 🙁 can anyone tell me whats happening? Thank you


    Hi Tiffany! I’d be happy to help. It sounds like maybe you have a couple of different issues happening here. First, if you insert the dilator and there is no pain at first, but then you start to feel pain deeper in the vaginal canal – you are likely hitting the cervix with the dilator. Just pull back an inch or two, and the pain should go away. Second, if you have a little pain while entering, this is normal. Dilation is work, so a little bit of burning means you are doing it correctly. If the pain is less than 5/10, I recommend leaving it in for 10 minutes then removing it and trying the next size up. This will help you progress with dilation. Hope this helps!


    Hi Tiffany,

    Congratulations on your progress!

    I agree with Jackie, from what I can understand everything you’re going through is COMPLETELY normal. I truly think pain day-to-day can depend on other things like stress level, if you are rushing, if you are relaxed, etc.. At Maze I learned some deep breathing techniques and remember my practitioner telling me to relax my body when I was super tense which I then remembered to do when dilating at home.

    (Deep Breathing –
    – Get comfortable.
    – Breathe in through your nose. Let your belly fill with air.
    – Breathe out through your nose.
    – Place one hand on your belly (if you have it free)
    – As you breathe in, feel your belly rise. As you breathe out, feel your belly lower.
    – Take three more full, deep breaths. Breathe fully into your belly as it rises and falls with your breath

    Your body being extra tense due to anything (being nervous about dilating, external stress, etc.) might be the reason you’re sometimes feeling pain and sometimes aren’t. Some pain is definitely normal when dilating though!

    Hope all is going well still and you’re continuing to progress!

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