[Aliyat]

Hi Kanwal_k, I would first like to say that it is already a good job that you know your diagnosis! Secondly, I really recommend a book called Come as you are, it is not about vaginismus but about female sexuality in general, which I now think every female should read. Thirdly, try to get a referral to the psychosexual counseling and physio (if you are in St Albans area you might get it quite quickly). As much as I read botox is not an ideal solution because you still need to dilate, it is overcoming your fears and tightness which is more important. There is also a very good group on Fbook where you can find ladies with similar diagnosis and tons of useful information.

[Aliyat]

Thank you Sks! I keep trying.

I must have mentioned in the past that Emily Nagoski’s (lecturer on women’s sexuality, PhD in health behaviour) book Come as you are helped me a lot to clarify many questions to myself. I would like to share a small para from the book about hymen:”You may or may not have a hymen – a thin membrane along the lower edge of your vaginal opening. Whether you have one or not, I guarantee that virtually everything you were taught about the hymen is wrong… the hymen doesn’t break and stay broken forever, like some kind of freshness seal… And the size of a hymen doesn’t vary depending on whether the vagina has been penetrated. Also, it usually doesn’t bleed. ANy blood with first penetration is more likely due to general vaginal tearing from lack of lubrication than to damage to the hymen. What does change when a woman begins having the hymen stretched regularly is that it grows more flexible. And as a woman’s hormones change as she approaches the end of adolescence (around 25 y.o.!), the hymen is likely to atrophy and become much less noticeable – if it was noticeable at all…. Culture saw a “barrier” at the mouth of the vagina and decided it was a marker of “virginity” (itself a biologically meaningless idea). Such a weird idea could have been invented only in a society where women were literally property, their vaginas their most valuable real estate – a gated commmunity.”

[Aliyat]

I also came across these dilators. Are there any more reviews of them?

I found this article, its old but does talk about pelvic pain http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4582282.stm
https://splinternews.com/how-a-tiny-piece-of-metal-saved-this-woman-from-a-lifet-1793856490

[Aliyat]

Hi Meghan, my research showed that everyone was talking about Sh! silicone dilators. I didn’t buy them straight away, waiting for what doctors would recommend because I came across other silicone brands as well. My physio therapist recommended Sh!, so I finally got them. They are quite sticky. When I later first saw my psychosexual counsellor (and I found her more knowledgeable than physio therapist), she didn’t say no but I could see on her face that she doesn’t really approve them. I had another session with her today and she explicitly told me that she doesn’t find Sh! good, they are sticky due to which are hard to help. She has apparently even complained to Sh! Anyway, she didn’t want me to spend more money but I said its alright, I need to progress. SO she recommended either Inspire or Vagiwell, both same quality silicone and brands available via Amazon. She had Vagiwell with her, they are also silicone but a better quality and not sticky. I now plan to get Inspire as like their shape. I would be glad to hear other reviews as will before proceeding.

[Aliyat]

Hi Meghan,

I completely understand you! All I want is to get over and done with it. From what I understood reading different sources it all depends on severity of vaginismus. Also botox is not always affordable to everyone.

I’m now going through physio and psychosexual treatment via NHS. It does take time! I now know where my vagina is, how to dilate your finger (I was told it feels like the top of your mouth inside), I read a wonderful book by Emily Nagoski Come as you are (I highly recommend it!), reintroducing partner sex. So far it is about accepting yourself, your body, acknowledging that we are all different. Its helping me. There is vaginismus account on Instagram run by a lady from Scotland, we share our experiences with NHS and treatment suggested by doctors (they now all know how to approach vaginismus, some not even what it is). But on the back of my mind (because of my age) I’m also thinking when. So it all depends I suppose.

I think it is very important to exchange information, treatment techniques, so do not hesitate to ask.

[Aliyat]

Chloe, thanks a lot for sharing your experience! It does mean a lot to me. I’m currently waiting (for 2 months now) for physio and psychosexual treatment and I don’t even know when I will get to see them. My GN thinks I have provoked vulvodiniya, whilts I think it is vaginismus. So I don’t even know my diagnosis, which obviously is not helping.

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@recessivegenequeen thank you very much!!!

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Hi Chloe,

I was just referred to psychosexual therapist here in England by my GP and I was also told that it make a while before I get an appointment. I am also anxious about the pain caused by insertion. Did you manage to find more suitable treatment in the UK?

[Aliyat]

Morning everyone,

I’m Tykva, I’m 37 y.o. and I never had an intercourse (only anal), been married for more than 5 years now. I came across vaginismus about a month ago and it felt like enlightenment, because until then I felt like some freak and questioned my feelings to my husband thinking that I can’t let him because I probably don’t love him enough or at all. As since the beginning it failed everytime we tried, we gave up, which didn’t affect our relationship, it felt well, ok, maybe one day. However, this one day came only because of us willing to have a baby, if not, we would have probably ended up never having intercourse. Besides, since even before being a teenager I unconsciously masturbated and never had problem reaching an orgasm. So after so many years not having an intercourse, I kind of gave up thinking it, thinking ok, whatever, all I need is to have a baby, our relationship is fine, that’s all that matters. But on another hand I also worried that not having intercourse is actually not good for my health because even now I have pains in breasts, lower belly part, which I call for myself “urgent need to have intercourse pains”.

Because of my thoughts I have never even spoken to the gyn about this (freak, not able to relax stressaholic, etc), only once briefly and was told, its in my head and I need to talk to the psychologist. So since coming across vaginismus I was reading a lot about it on the web and it is a big relief to know that I’m not the only one. I’ll be seeing a sexual therapist on Tuesday who will an exact diagnosis but I doubt it will be different.

I wasn’t sexually abused, I don’t have pain, its more like I’m afraid to let something in, I feel very anxious and tense, I think deep inside I think that losing virginity would hurt. I never tried tampons, I avoid gyns because of the cold metal instruments they use.

I avoid to feel miserable because of this though, I hope for the best.

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