Introductions (2)

[Hansen09]

Hello everyone,

I wasn’t sure how much I should put on here for just introducing myself but here it goes. I am 23 and have been married for almost 3 years with this condition. I grew up in a family who didn’t talk about sex or even dating for that matter. I was uneducated about these things and was taken advantage of because of it. I have been told that I can’t have sex because I don’t have a close enough relationship with God or that its all in my head. I am sick and tired of everyone telling me to RELAX!

I knew I was afraid before I got married an expressed my concern to my close friend at church. She suggested getting something exciting to wear for confidence and some alcohol. She even went to the B&B and decorated it with candles and roses for us. However, my wedding night was spent passed out on the bed with an empty bottle of Arbor Mist. Weeks went by and then months. Frustration between my husband and I was tense. We had no idea what was wrong and blamed ourselves and each other at the same time. Over time its just something we both got used to. I do have a very supportive husband and I have no idea what I would do if he wasn’t. We got counseling from friends at church and even from my parents who had a similar problem when they got married. Talk about AWKWARD!

I have had a lot of bad luck in my first years of being married on top of dealing with a sexless marriage. So, as a result I am on my parents insurance due to our financial situation. My parents live in another state than I do and their insurance only covers me where they live. I have been battling this for several years and my parents are supportive in helping me get the treatment I need. They flew me to visit them and I was able to set up an appointment to see a gynecologist for the first time. It was the worst experience I had ever had with any doctor. She was rude and very discouraging. She said she was surprised that my husband was still with me after having this for so long. She was demeaning when she couldn’t use any tools on me, even after going and finding a tool they use on babies. I cried and shook uncontrollably on the table begging her to just “do it” so that I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. She didn’t want to make things worse for me and refused to push me anymore than I could handle. She continued to repeat over and over again to relax. After an unsuccessful exam, she told me all I could do to fix it was physical therapy and have an exam done under anesthesia.

After returning home I started doing research, again. I found the book ” When Sex Seems Impossible.” I cried and then cried some more. It was the first time I ever felt like someone else knew what it felt like. The first time I had hope that there was a possibility to be normal.

Before I take over the post with my whole life story, I will leave this as my “brief” introduction about me and my fight against Vaginismus. I hope to find some encouragement here and maybe one day have a successful story. Until then I am just moving forward and looking forward to the day that this is all over.

[Dr. Pacik]

These are the stories that rip us apart. They are so unfortunate and so un-necessary. Vaginismus was described 150 years ago and some of my patients continue to report having seen 8-10 gynecologists with no diagnosis until they searched the internet themselves.

What does it take? How much to we have to plea with TV stations to get everyone out there understand there is an elephant in the room and no one is paying attention. We have witnessed the success of sit-ins during the civil rights movement in the 1960’s. Perhaps it is time for a “write-in”. Let’s pick a well known TV station such as The Doctors and have everyone send in their story. Let’s flood their mailbox so they know this is real. Tell YOUR story and be careful not to say too much about our program to avoid it appearing like a setup advertisement. Once one station picks it up, others such as Dr. Oz won’t be far behind. Perhaps Heather can lead the charge, we can make copies to several stations. Let’s get organized once and for all and put an end to professional ignorance. When patients know more than their doctors, it won’t be long before it becomes mandatory to teach this.

[arose]

That’s a really good idea. What about also having a letter template that we could easily print off and send to medical centres / doctors? (perhaps that we could edit/personalise)… the leaflets that you gave us in the yellow pack are really good, but having something we could print as many copies as needed would be great… this would also be a way of informing doctors without having to go through difficult ‘one-to-one’ conversations, and target greater numbers and heads of practices. They could also be sent anonymously is preferred, which might make it easier for more people to take action.

[Heather34]

Hi Hansen. Welcome to the forum and thank you so, so much for your post. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through just so much and we’re all here to support you on your journey to overcome vaginismus. In response to Dr. Pacik’s post to you, I posted concerning a joint advocacy project in which we all share our stories and submit them to the media in order to really be heard and spread the word about the condition of vaginismus (see 8/12 post vaginismus advocacy). I know it will work if we all do this together. Arose, I also love your post and ideas about a letter template to send to medical centers/doctors. This would make it so much easier for anyone who suffers with this condition to be able to share the information and educate doctors without the embarrassing and/or dismissive dialogue that is, unfortunately, the norm now. I know we can all work together to spread the word and also educate the clinicians/physicians about the condition of vaginismus. And, Hansen, please know we are all here for you. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

[veveritza82]

Hello,

I have a similar story as the ones described here. It took a while until I finally admitted that I have this problem, mostly due to shame and ignorance. Seeing that other women have the same issue is a huge relief. I am writing this hoping to get some feedback and maybe it will be useful for other women.
Inserting tampons or having sexual intercourse was never possible for me. Although I do not lack libido and had my first orgasm 13 years ago, I am still a virgin. It seems strange to me that after having several attempts to stand still during a gyn exam during the past 10 years only one of the gynecologists told me what my problem might me. Others were simply rude and impatient.
I am not sure about the causes. It is a combination of my very conservative religious upbringing (my mother told me all my life that sex is evil), the long-term relationship with my boyfriend who had an erection dysfunction for some years (I was ready for intercourse at the beginning, but soon I associated sex with frustration) and the deep discomfort I used to have with my own body.
I don’t know exactly when vaginismus became a problem, very likely me and my boyfriend reinforced the problems each of us had. Because we were two idiots, we never spoke about it and our relationship ended. He thought everything was his fault. For a while I silently believed the same and since then I have tried to have sex occasionally, but lacking a stable partner it didn’t work. It was like ‘hitting a wall’, just like other women described it. All these recent experiences made it clear to me that I too have a problem. That was very difficult to accept.
In the mean time I know that just trying to relax will not work and that I have to sort out this “technical” issue with my pelvic muscles. Although a close friend advised me long time ago to familiarize myself with my body, that part of my body was a black box for me. I had orgasm via stimulation in the pre-genital area (if that’s the name) and being very tensed helped. I guess that tensing pelvic muscle is the opposite of what should happen during penetration.
I had ordered the dilatators two years ago when my gynecologist suggested that I have a problem (he did not say the word ‘vaginismus’) but these huge plastic stuff scared me away and one month ago I threw them away – without ever using them – when my parents came to visit. (Although I did have a feeble attempt with the smallest one and it did not work).
After an unsuccessful attempt to have sex a few days ago with a very willing partner, it finally dawned on me that I have vaginismus. This made me feel sad, isolated and strange. It’s not something you can talk about with anybody in our society (not when you’re 31). Not being able to have sex does not exist in the world I live in.
Soon I decided that me and not someone else has to sort out this problem. After reading ‘Middlesex’ by Eugenides and after exploring a bit my body I suspected that maybe I have something else inside that the gynecologist did not manage to see because I was so restless. I did manged recently to insert one finger, then two fingers in my vagina and it worked out surprisingly easy. I did not feel any pleasure but also not any pain. I just did not know that that part of my body exists. I thought that my body stops where the ‘wall starts’. This is progress. I know I can get there again, but having a penis inside still seems impossible because there seems to be very little space. I have ordered a new set of dilatators, and a separate one that is designed for being kept inside while sleeping. I am not sure whether I should try the Bottox treatment, since after that you still need to do exactly what I am doing right now. I am a bit discouraged by the fact that for many women here the treatment seems to last quite a while…but then again I have waited for 10 years.
I am grateful for any feedback and advice.
Thank you for setting up this forum.

[Heather34]

Hi veveritza. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so sorry for your struggles with vaginismus. You wrote “during the past 10 years, only one of the gynecologists told me what my problem might be…others were simply rude and impatient.” This is so unfair and something that I, too, experienced in the past. That is, so many of the doctors and clinicians that we visited did not understand vaginismus and used the terms “just relax; it’s all in your head; have a drink; etc.” Thank God that as time passes, Dr. Pacik and so many others are beginning to chip away at this ignorance and more and more physicians and clinicians are being taught about vaginismus and it’s associated symptoms. What you describe of “feeling like you are hitting a wall” is exactly what I felt in the past while having vaginismus. I tried so hard to insert the dilators and my husband tried to even insert his finger and we both felt like we were hitting a wall. I would immediately freak out and push him away and it was a cycle of failed attempts for several years. Once I found Dr. Pacik and had my procedure, this was the very first time that I had anything inserted inside of me and it did not hurt at all. Thereafter, within 7 days of my procedure, I was able to make love to my husband. The Botox worked to dissipate the resistance that both my hubby and I had always felt upon trying to insert anything (i.e. tampons, q-tip, dilators, his finger, his penis). Once the Botox had kicked in, this resistance was no longer there and the dilators of all sizes slipped right in and then my husband did thereafter. I followed the dilation program as recommended by Dr. Pacik for one full year as I was always afraid V would come back but I am now 2+ years post-procedure and it has never returned. My hubby and I are able to make love pain-free and enjoyably now and I am able to have successful ob/gyn exams, something that I struggled so much with in the past. I would definitely recommend completing the Contact Us form and communicating and/or working with Dr. Pacik in some way. So importantly, in Dr. Pacik and all of his staff, you will FINALLY find a doctor who gets it and understands what all of us have gone through with vaginismus. He was the first and only doctor to know how much it affected me without me even having to go into detail and I also didn’t have to teach him about the condition and my associated symptoms. It was such a pleasant experience and, again, is so amazing how much they all know and understand vaginismus. Please know that we are all here to support you along your journey of overcoming and I look forward to reading more of your posts! Sending hugs!

[Nakitalab]

Hi veveritza, I am 53 years old and had Vaginismus for all of my adult life and 31 years of marriage. I too was not able to use tampons, have a GYN exam or have intercourse. I went through every “remedy” possible, including surgery and still was not able to have pain-free intercourse. Last October I had Dr. Pacik’s treatment. I just knew since I had it for so long that I was going to be the one that it didn’t work for. It has been over a year since my procedure and am so happy to say that I am still free from Vaginismus. I followed Dr. Pacik’s dilating program and now I only dilate before a GYN appointment and when I know we are going to have intercourse. I probably don’t need to dilate before intercourse but I still have a lot of “mind” work to do since I had it for so long. I highly recommend that you call Dr. Pacik and talk with him. He is the most compassionate, understanding professional you will ever meet. He truly understands what we all go through. I’m so glad that you found the Forum and Dr. Pacik. You truly can have pain-free intercourse and be free from Vaginismus. I’m living proof. :0) And if this can help this ole gal, it can help anyone as long as they follow Dr. Pacik’s dilating program. Like Heather said, we are all here for you. You are not alone anymore and you have a place that you can vent, talk, share without being judged…only loved. :0)

[sarah25]

Hi all,
I’m a thrilled to be here, I know that sounds bizarre but I am fed up of talking to people who just don’t get it.
My name is Sarah I’m 25 and have been diagnosed with vaginismus for four years…well that is when I received the initial diagnosis. Since then doctors have fine various (painful and uncomfortable) tests to check for other causes, but the results only echo that I do indeed have vaginismus.
I married my husband in May 2012, we had sex almost 3years prior and had had a completely normal sex life.
I live in the UK and have constantly struggled to find support, I have been promised referrals to vaginismus specialists and sex therapists but only ever receive referrals to couples counseling which frustrates me!
I have bought dilators and can insert #3 after an hour of discomfort and patience but each time I am filled with fear and hate the process.
We have paid almost £2000 for hypnotherapy that had very little effect on the vaginismus but thankfully allowed me to open up more to my husband. That said I still avoid intimacy despite wishing with all my heart that I didn’t.
This year I have reported a man who sexually abused me in my childhood (although not rape), part of my reason for reporting him was in the hope that it would in some way help with the vaginismus. No such luck…yet.

My husband and I are currently looking into adoption because I am terrified that even when the vaginismus is under control, childbirth will send me straight back to square one. I am honestly ok with adopting, in fact I was very excited until the social worker completely misunderstood vaginismus and suggested our relationship wasn’t strong enough. In fact our relationship is stronger than ever and I couldn’t wish for a more supportive husband.

So here we are, after nearly 2years of consideration I have completed the forms for Botox treatment and will email them off today. I know very little about the costs associated but we will cross that bridge when we get there.

[Heather34]

Hi Sarah. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so very sorry for your struggles with vaginismus. I am so happy you have found Dr. Pacik and this Forum and please know we are all here to support you in your journey of overcoming vaginismus. Concerning dilating, you wrote “I am filled with fear and hate the process.” This is so, so common Sarah. The thing that I found following my procedure in 2011 was the resistance that normally prevented me from dilating in the past disappeared post-Botox. Once the struggle to insert them was gone, I was able to insert all of the sized pure romance dilators. I found dilating for 2 hours per day with the purple, pink, and largest blue as well as sleeping with the purple dilator every other night helped significantly to stretch me as well as reduce any anxiety associated with painful intercourse (i.e. if I had the blue dilator inserted which is a similar size to my hubby’s penis and it didn’t hurt, then he wouldn’t hurt either). With this dilation schedule and the lack of resistance, we were able to transition to pain-free intercourse within 7 days post-procedure. Thank God and Thank Dr. P for this treatment program. Thereafter, I gradually reduced my dilation schedule as well as transitioned to spontaneous intercourse (i.e. without dilating prior). Now, 2+ years later, and we are still enjoying pain-free and fun intercourse. So many patients have traveled over from the UK and there is an excellent thread related to this:

http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=51

Please know we are all here for you Sarah and I look forward to reading more of your posts.

[rachel]

Hi Sarah,
My name is Rachel and my husband and I have not long ago completed our home study for adoption. We are in Canada. I was so anxious and concerned that our social worker would discriminate against us because of the vaginismus-but she didn’t. Infact, I actually think it has gone in our favour.

She did ask us a lot of questions about it, and when I explained how we had stuck by each others sides and that it had been resolved with botox treatment, they were very happy to mitigate the circumstances. All they want to know is that you are not still battling with the condition. The kids that are adopted are a wonderful gift-but they can be very challenging, so they just want to know that this condition is not still requiring a lot of counselling and work.

I would suggest getting the botox treatment and getting to a point where you feel happy that the vaginismus has been resolved. I would tell the social worker that you want time out to do this and explain the condition and the treatment to her and ask if you can be reconsidered once the treatment had been completed. They will probably ask you to come back in around 6 months to repeat the homestudy.

When you go back to your homestudy, try and show that you have move forward by getting involved with advocating for other women and show that you are not afraid to talk about it openly. I actually joked with my social worker that any kid that needed to talk about issues surrounding sex-well, I would be an expert. The homestudy psychologist actually said that because of my knowledge surrounding vaginismus I would be an excellent mum for children who have experienced sexual trauma. So, don’t give up! The adoption door is not closed and if you can show that you have overcome this condition then they cannot discriminate. All they want to know is that it is not an active problem.

The botox treatment is something you can use to physically show them that you have undergone treatment. I am sure that Dr.Pacik could also write a letter stating that you have recieved treatment as could your family doctor.

If you need to talk more about the adoption process in the future please don’t hesitate to contact me. We are now in the matching process! I thank God that I found Dr Pacik and recieved the botox treatment. I was petrified and my anxiety almost got the best of me right up until I entered the recovery room and they sedated me. But Dr Pacik and his team are fantastic at what they do and thanks to his treatment for vaginismus, my husband and I got our lives back. Now we are waiting to meet our children who will hopefully be along to join us soon!

[sarah25]

Congratulations on being approved as adopters, I hope the matching process happens quickly for you.

I was extremely open with the adoption social worker but it felt as though she wasn’t willing to listen at all. She insisted that our relationship can not possibly be stable if we are not able to have a physical relationship and she also couldn’t get her head around why I would want to adopt when I can have biological children-in theory.
She promised to call last Friday but has not.

I think I find it all the more frustrating as I am in my final year of studies to become a social worker and I see daily the shortage of adopters, the children wishing for parents and the parents failing their children.

I was sexually abused in my childhood and have requested counciling but have to wait until the investigation is finished to access it (I reported it in June) I have also requested sex therapy but have to wait until March just for an initial consultation. Everything is so slow!

I am angry that I am forced to wait to start the adoption process when none of the reasons are my own fault and I am doing everything I can to resolve them.
I am pleased to hear of someone who has made it this far though so thank you for your reply.

[Nakitalab]

Hi Sarah, my husband and I adopted our two children 17 and 12 years ago. I am 53 years old and suffered with Vaginismus all of my life until I had the procedure done last October. When we went through the adoption process we weren’t asked such intimate details of our relationship. Which I’m so thankful for as I was struggling with depression, having gone to many doctors to find out what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t have intercourse, use a tampon, have a GYN exam. At the time I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I’m so sorry that you are being scrutinized and put under a microscope and having to share your struggles with Vaginismus. It doesn’t seem right that they can ask you such intimate details of your life as it really has no bearing on what type of parents you will be. You only want to give and share your love and home with a child. I’m totally here for you and would be more than happy to answer any questions you might have. It is awesome that you are becoming a social worker as you will be able to understand and empathize more with those you are helping. Don’t give up! Give that person a call if you don’t hear from her. I will keep you in my prayers that your adoption process will start moving and that this person will have a change of heart in how she views your relationship. I’m here for you.

[Kitten]

Hello, everybody. I recently turned 20, and I go online by the name Kitten. :3 My first really true sign I had primary vaginismus happened in October 2012, when I was 18 years old.

I guess I should give a little background info on my relationship first, since it has a role in this story and explains why I only found out in October 2012, despite being in the same relationship for many years now. I’ve been in an international long distance relationship with my fiance for over 5 years. We met on an online forum in summer 2005, and started our romantic relationship in August 2008. However, since I live in the US, he lives in Denmark, and we have a large age gap, I told him we’d have to wait four years before we could meet up in person for the first time. Despite many people doubting our relationship, we succeeded at waiting and proving the doubters wrong – he visited me in the US in September/October 2008.
Then, during the summer of 2013, I went to Denmark and lived with him there for almost three months. It was during that time that he proposed to me, and I said yes.

It’s because of the relationship being long distance that I only tried intercourse with my fiance as late as October 2012. (Although, to be fair, I guess the first signs were in September 2012 – I didn’t want him to finger me because whenever he tried, it hurt.) I didn’t originally intend on attempting intercourse during this visit, but by the end of it I wanted to, so we tried.
My contractions were so incredibly tight that we literally could not get it in. It was as if I didn’t have a vagina, but just a wall there. I literally even slid backwards on my back as we tried to get it in. We eventually gave up and accepted the fact that intercourse wasn’t going to happen before he left to go back to Denmark.

After many months, I went to Denmark to live with him there for almost three months. Once again, we attempted intercourse, and once again, we could not get it all the way in. However, I have dangerously high pain tolerance.. so I was determined to try it again and get it all the way in, thinking maybe it was just a hymen issue or something like that. Due to my high pain tolerance, we slowly got it all the way in.. me almost crying from the excruciating pain. Then we took it out right away and I laid there clutching my crotch in pain for a good half hour. (…In retrospect, me forcing it so much was probably a really bad idea.)
We decided to go to a doctor in Denmark, who examined my genitals and told me that my hymen was completely gone, so it didn’t have anything to do with that. He was the first person to suggest the idea of vaginismus.
I cried a lot during the summer, depressed by how I couldn’t do something that biologically everybody’s supposed to be able to do. Sex is EVERYWHERE, and everybody talks about it so casually.. and here I was, physically incapable of doing it. It depressed me a lot, and still does if I think about it too hard.

Long story short, although my fiance and I bought a dilator set while I was in Denmark, “treatment” only really began once I came back to the US. However, since I live away from home in a college dorm and don’t have my own car, I can only see doctors when I’m on extended breaks. I’ve been seeing a nurse practitioner, a gynecologist, a sex therapist, and a physical therapist. I was officially diagnosed with vaginismus, taught how to properly use dilators, talked to about all things sex-related, taught about reverse kegels, taught about other exercises such as breathing exercises and ways to move my legs during dilator exercises, and even recently received some injections.

There are many things I have to be thankful for. My fiance is the most supportive man I could ever hope to have concerning this condition, even when he’s over 4,000 miles away from me. I imagine a lot of men would be sexually frustrated to have a girlfriend/fiance/wife that can’t have sex, but that’s not how it is at ALL with my fiance – he’s very sad that I have this condition because it makes ME sad, not because he can’t do certain things with me. He’s incredibly empathetic and so, so supportive. Also, my vaginismus didn’t even start as severe as it COULD’VE been – I’ve been able to successfully use tampons ever since I was 13. When I received my set of five dilators, I was able to start on size 3. I’m also thankful to have doctors that really know what they’re doing. I’ve heard all sorts of horror stories about doctors who dismiss women’s vaginismus symptoms as just nervousness or inexperience, telling them things like “Just relax”, or, even worse, “Just have a glass of wine before attempting sex”! NONE of my doctors have responded in those manners, and appear to really know what they’re doing. I am now both on size 4 and size 5 of my dilators – moving the size 4 one around at various angles and such, and just holding the size 5 still without moving.

No matter how far away the end goal may seem, I need to keep reminding myself that as long as even gradual progress is being made, I will reach the end goal someday, no matter when that day may be. :3

[Heather34]

Hi Kitten. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so very sorry to hear of your struggles with vaginismus. I, too, suffered with vaginismus during my 20s and early 30s. I was cured in 2011 and am now able to have pain-free intercourse with my hubby. The progress that you describe with your dilators as well as reverse kegels is absolutely awesome and you are doing so, so good. Following my procedure, I primarily used the Pure Romance dilator set. They are silicone material and come in several different sizes and colors and they have a handle which I found helped with insertion as well as removal. Once the glass dilators were created, I got a set of 3 and have found these to be exceedingly comfortable as well. In fact, I like them more than the pure romance ones as I find them smaller in length. Prior to receiving Dr. Pacik’s procedure, I was unable to insert a thing, including tampons. It wasn’t until I woke up from the procedure with the largest dilator inside of me that I knew this was possible and also did not cause pain. Thereafter, I dilated successfully as I found the resistance and “hitting a wall” feeling that I had always had disappeared as the Botox kicked in. My husband felt this as well. As we didn’t have to struggle to get anything in per se, we were able to successfully dilate and then transition to intercourse. Then, as we made love more and more, this too was a learning process and we had to discover what each of us liked, didn’t like, what felt comfortable, what didn’t, and so much more. Please know we are all here for you in your process of overcoming vaginismus and I look fwd to reading more of your posts soon.

[birdie]

Hi, my online name is Birdie. I am 25 years old, and began having vaginismus issues almost 3 years ago. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 18 and he was my first. He is a very compassionate guy. We used to, well, go at it anytime we could, haha. Things were great until I began to get UTIs in 2008. Some were very severe, and I know I didn’t take care of myself the way I should have. I had just gotten my own place, and we wanted to have lots of sex! I’m kicking myself now, but what’s done is done. This went on for about 3 years, then I finally stopped getting them. We had all kinds of different “tricks” to keep me from getting them. Whether it is a real thing or not, I attribute some of my progress to taking cranberry pills everyday.

In 2011, I was having lower abdominal pain the next day after sex. Having had such terrible experiences with UTIs, I rushed to the doctor. They threw some antibiotics at me and shooed me out the door. After the second time, they cultured my urine, which contained white blood cells, and it came back with no growth. There was no attempt to explain this to me. I never had that much respect for doctors anyway, and this made me angry, so I stopped going at all. It got to the point where penetration was painful and difficult, and almost every time after sex, I have this abdominal pain for a couple of days to a couple of weeks afterward. I always assumed it had something to do with my bladder because of my history, and I would drink or not drink all kinds of things hoping to cure it at home. Looking back on it, my UTIs never had bladder pain, so now I feel silly. I finally decided last month that I was lucky to now have good health insurance, and I should visit my gynecologist.

It was scary at first. I don’t have a problem with anyone looking or doing anything down there, and I go every year for an annual visit. But, when it comes to actual problems, I have a hard time believing these people really have my best interests in mind. After some tests, she referred me to a physical therapist for pelvic floor therapy. I was even more scared and nervous to do that. Not only was I concerned that they were just trying to milk my insurance and send me all over the place, I had never heard of such treatment. “Hey what are you going to physical therapy for?” “Oh, just my vagina.” Come on. I conquered my fear and went today after all. They said that the muscles in my vagina were contracting constantly, and had forgotten how to relax, most likely because of my experiences with UTI. After sex, the muscles are bothered and fired up and continue to spasm, causing the constant pain for a period of time. She didn’t actually use the term “vaginismus” but based on what I have read, it sounds exactly like what I have been told at the doctor. It really messed up my sex life. I don’t see my boyfriend that often to begin with, and when I did see him, I wanted to have sex but was terrified. He was very understanding, but things were getting totally weak and lame in that department. Toys made things better, but I still thought I was having bladder issues, so when I had an “attack” I thought I had done something wrong and stopped using them for a while. I am so happy I am beginning to understand this issue, and I feel that I am beginning to take back control of that aspect of my life. I also think it rocks that this forum exists. Thanks for existing!