Introductions (2)

[rachel]

Hi Regina and Jlawl, welcome! I am sooo happy that we have this site to talk with each other. I spent so many years alone and isolated and I wouldn’t wish the experience on my worst enemy. Years ago sites like this were not available, I am so happy that we have this site. No longer do women have to suffer alone in silence.

[Reginia]

I am so glad that I found this site. I have been married to my very understanding husband for 13 years and I use to be so mean to him. Not because of anything that he did, but because I felt incomplete. I felt like I wasn’t a real woman. I never told anyone about my situation I just held everything in and took my frustrations out on him. Now that I have found this I have done a complete 180. I feel as thou a weight have been lifted off my shoulders. In one instance I went from holding in my feeling to explaining that I may have this and that it can be cured. I wish you ladies could see the smile that I have on my face and the sunshine that I have in my heart.

[Dr. Pacik]

WOW!!

[mandiK]

Hello everyone!

I have hit the one year anniversary of my successful treatment. A year later I’m able to have enjoyable sex with my husband and we continue to make progress. I still dilate about 1 hour 2-3 times a week and before sex. I have faith that it will keep getting better and I will grow personally and together with my husband. Thinking back, it really is amazing what happened to me a year ago.

A close friend of mine first ssuggested that I might have vaginismus after 4-5 years in a sexless marriage. Luckily I have an amazing husband and amazing friends. Doctors just told me to see a sex therapist, but I couldn’t afford to travel to one or pay one. Luckily I discovered Dr. Pacik. Instant improvement and continued progress since then. I do hope to see a sex therapist in the future to make more progress toward pleasure.

I believe that the vaginismus originated (at least in part) from a childhood condition. to this day, i don’t really know what it was, but my labia would seal shut and have to be ripped apart if I didn’t sleep in a certain position. It was very painful and traumatizing. This lasted until I started my period. I’m wondering if anyone else had a similar experience as a child. Anyone?

I look forward to being a more active part of this forum. Lovely to be here with you all.

[Bessie]

Hi Catherine and Walker

Good luck for the 12th of June! I had the procedure on the 3rd of April (I flew all the way from South Africa for it) and it’s the best decision I have ever made! 17 days after the procedure my husband and I had pain free, fun intercourse!! We are over the moon, and acting like newly weds now, even planning our 2nd honeymoon (when we can actually act like real honeymooners!).

I had had serious vaginismus for 7 years, but painful intercourse for years before that – i just put up with it to try to be ‘normal’.

Just follow the advice and dilation schedule of Dr P, he really knows what he is doing and it works!

[leonielee]

Hello All, I’m a 24 year old woman who has suffered from vaginismus my whole life. From the first time I attempted to use a tampon, I knew there was something wrong. Not only was my anxiety level ridiculously high, but I also felt like there was something wrong “down there”. This was reinforced when I first attempted intercourse and it felt like there was a brick wall down there! Fast forward a few years, and prior to my marriage I went in for my first GYN exam. I had many of the same issues as with tampons and sex, extreme anxiety and pain. The doctor was not only completely unsympathetic but very unknowledgeable. She handed me a box of dilators with no instructions or explanations as to WHY this was happening. The wedding night was a huge disappointment, as I had feared: the “brick wall” hadn’t magically disappeared with the marriage license. My husband was frustrated, but patient and sympathetic. He jokingly refers to my vagina as “the great wall”! Through the last five years of marriage, we’ve found other ways of marital intimacy while further exploring treatments. My most recent attempt was with physical therapy. With the help of an AWESOME physical therapist, I can now manage very minimal finger penetration but only with the use of both anti-anxiety medication and topical anesthetic. After years of sexual frustration and yearning for a normal life and family, we decided more research was necessary and stumbled upon Dr. Pacik’s website. We were thrilled to read all the testimonials, and to read his book. I finally got the nerve to inquire and was greatly relieved and impressed with the quick response time and knowledge. Hopefully we will be able to follow through with the treatment program this summer!

[Heather34]

Hi leonielee and welcome to the forum. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry about your experience with your first GYN doctor as it sounds like she was very uneducated about the condition of vaginismus and not at all helpful for you. I’m so, so happy that you found Dr. Pacik and inquired about treatment. I too have been married for five years and it is really one of the best feelings in the world to have had the treatment and to now be able to make love pain-free. Prior to the procedure, I couldn’t even insert a q-tip without excruciating pain. Also, you wrote about the knowledge factor. This was so important for me as well as I felt like I didn’t have to try to explain my symptoms and the condition of vaginismus and have a doctor look at me entirely confused or very dismissive. Instead, Dr. Pacik and everyone in the office thoroughly understood the condition and were all very helpful. Please feel free to ask any questions at all that you may have pre-procedure and I look forward to reading your posts.

[ES]

Hi ladies, I’m 29 and I’ve had vaginismus for about 6 years. I have my procedure with Dr. Pacik tomorrow (yikes!). I am extremely nervous but reading all the posts on this forum has really helped calm my nerves. It’s so great to know I’m not alone in this. Also, I had my consult with Dr. Pack last week and I was lucky enough to meet 3 women who just had the procedure. At just 2 days post-procedure they were smiling and did not seem to be in any pain at all. That really made me feel better. I can’t wait until this all behind me 🙂

[Heather34]

Hi ES. Welcome to the forum and thank you so much for posting. You’re going to do great tomorrow and it will be over before you know it. Being nervous is entirely normal pre-treatment but please know that Dr. Pacik and all of his staff are truly amazing! They go out of there way to make you feel relaxed and it just helped to calm my husband and I so much. It’s also so cool that you were able to meet 3 of the women who had their procedure last week. I know that you’ll do great tomorrow and we’re all here for you!!!

[mrleonielee]

Hello All, I am the husband of user leonielee. I am new to the forums and just wanted to introduce myself. My wife and I have been dealing with vaginismus for five years. I wanted to join a community that would have an open discussion about this condition with others who can relate to our situation and our struggles. For example, today is Mother’s Day, which my wife finds extremely difficult. How do you all deal with this daily struggles?

[Dr. Pacik]

Hello Mr.L.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Mother’s Day is a holiday of struggle for many of my patients. I know from speaking to you yesterday that you care a great deal about your wife and you as so many of the husbands I come into contact with are princes in terms of the love and undying support given to your loved one. Perhaps there is no answer. Perhaps the answer is that at least through this Forum women are able to understand that hope for a cure is a reasonable expectation and this can be the driving force of feeling empowered. Together as a community we can make this condition more well known.

On a separate note, your post also brings up the question of men posting on this Forum. Heather, my wife Janet, and I struggled with this. While we understand that women need a Forum for their private thoughts, and for this reason have not encouraged men to post, a part of me feels that men really do want to understand this condition. It reminds me of the years that I was not permitted to join yahoo groups devoted to vaginismus because I was a male. I desperately wanted to learn more, but the door was always closed. In the end I learned from my patients and the some 260 completed questionnaires I have read to date and an almost equal number of phone calls and Skype conversations with women inquiring.
When men join me in the operating room it is truly an epiphany for them. They understand the profound degree of spasm, the tightly closed fist of constricted muscle, even under anesthesia, making penetration all but impossible. For the first time they understand that their loved one is not doing this on purpose. Even under sufficient anesthesia to do knee surgery on a 250 lb football player, the pelvis is still doing a dance trying to escape me. I have seen many men break down and begin crying when they finally understood what this condition was all about. There level of empathy during the post procedure counseling is often remarkable.

In the end we all want to learn, to better understand the world around us. We are all part of a much greater community. We learn from each other, we support one another. I would love to hear what others have to say about screening men who can be permitted to join the Forum. Perhaps we can make this a new topic and have everyone weigh in.

[rbtoronto]

Hi all, I’m Radha from Canada. I’m 32 years old and I can’t express how great it is to read all of your stories and advice. It feels nice not to feel like I’m the only one with this problem.

I’m new to this forum but have just finished reading through Dr. Pacik’s book, and have been absorbing and learning more and more about vaginismus treatment through botox for many months. It all started when I stumbled on some vaginismusmd posts on Twitter… that convinced me to look into this further. I know now that it was meant to be! I will be booking my procedure in the coming days and look forward to using this forum as a vehicle to help guide and support me through. It is both scary and exciting!

I’m so happy this forum is in place and thank you all for being so open and heartfelt about your experiences. The ripple effect is HUGE.

[Heather34]

Hi Rhada and welcome to the forum. I enjoyed reading your post and we are all here to support you through the entire process. One of the best parts of this forum is knowing that you are not alone in this at all and we are all here to help you as we have been exactly where you are. I loved reading that you learned of the procedure through posts on Twitter. I still have never joined but I think it’s so great how social media sites, like Twitter and Facebook, are just another helpful outlet in getting the word out there about the condition and treatment program.
You also wrote about the whole process being scary and exciting! This is so, so true and exactly the way that I felt prior to my procedure. I was so nervous that it wouldn’t work and I would never be able to do the dilating as I had the most severe level of vaginismus (Pacik/Lamont 5) and couldn’t insert anything. At the same time, I was so excited that I was having it done and could finally be cured from this condition.
I’m so happy that you posted and, again, we are all here to support you through the process. Please ask any questions at all and I look forward to reading your posts.

[Kiki]

Hello ladies! …and Dr P!

I loved Catherine story and I thought I was a great idea to start talking about my background first. I too had never have to start introducing myself commenting on the issues of my sexual life. English it’s not my first language so please excuse me for any grammar errors. So here’s my story as I have lived it. It’s really long but I tried to resumed it the most I could! Thanks to those who end up reading it all!

I was born and raised in the beautiful island of Puerto Rico. I am 24 years old and I have one big sister (27 yo) who is my best friend as well and 2 little brothers (one is 20 yo and the other one is 16 yo). I was raised by a Catholic family in a Catholic school, so I was surrounded 24/7 by my religion. Even though they always teach me that sex and mastubation was wrong and that the only time when sex was ok was when you got married, my mom was always very open when it comes to sex talk. Her mother never ever talked to her about sex, and growing up in the late 60’s / early 70’s no one at school talked to her about it either. She was my dad’s girlfriend since she was 12 and he was 15, very early for most of us. So everything she learned about sex was with him. She got pregnant when she was 18 years old and always told us how much of life she missed while raising us. I felt so sorry for her and I thought it was so sad that because of sex she missed out of the best years of her life. She didn’t wanted us to commint the same mistakes she did, so she always told us to wait until marriage and that our husband will be the only right person to have sex with. Also my parents always teach us how boys ALWAYS want just one thing from us and how we were the ones with the power to stop them by always saying no.

Even with all of this “advices” my mom gave to us, my sister got knocked up when she was 18. She was my mom’s star child, always getting straight A’s in school, when she graduated from high school with honors at age 15 (in summer she advance 2 grades in high school) she was granted a scolarship to study at harvard, but my mom thought she was too young to be there by herself and ask her to study her first 2 years in the University of Puerto Rico and then go finish her Chemistry and Law’s studies in there. But while in here my sister got in loved and then pregnant. It was one of the worst thing that could have happened in my family, almost broke my parents marriage, my sister miscarriage and ran away due to the stress and shameful situation she was living in. My mom was always having nervous break downs and was put in medication and my dad came out now suffering from heart dissease. It was chaos! Meanwhile I had to take care of everyone! Answer my little brother’s questions about what was happening with my sister, take care of my parents and track down my sister cause we didn’t knew where she was, we just knew she was on the states. I was just 16 years old and had now clue on how to manage all of this. It was like living in a novela!

My first serious relationship was when I was 18 years old with a guy a met at church, he was 29 years old and we were together for 2 years, we were engaged when we broke up. I didn’t really wanted to have sex with him so we didn’t but we did have some “foreplay” wich is how I noticed there was something wrong with me. But since I was avoiding sex I didn’t give too much importance to it. After we broke up I dated a couple guys but nothing serious. Now, I started a relationship with my current boyfriend when I was 21, we met a couple of months right after I broke up with my ex and after 2 months in the relationship I decided that I was mature enough to handle sex and “any consequence” sex may bring. I thought I waited enough and I was ready and in love. We tried to have sex with penetration for over a 2 weeks every day with no results. My sister was now a married woman living in the states with a guy she met on the Army and had a baby girl with him. So my new person to go to was my cousin who was 23 by that time. I told her what was happening and she was the one who mentioned to me that I may have vaginismus or that maybe my vagina was too small. She didn’t knew what vaginismus was but she have heard that women with it couldn’t have penetration sex. So I went to the internet and look for some info and educated myself about it.

I made an appoiment with my GYN thinking that he was more educated than me about it (one always is hearing about new rare diseases that you have never heard about before and doctors suddenly seem to know everything about them! lol) and what was my surprised when my GYN didn’t even heard me once I said the word vaginismus. I was so mad! I had bought the brochures I printed from that page and told him all my symptoms and he interrupted me saying that that was all in my head and to stop looking for erroneous diagnosis on the internet. He then proceed to do the regular exam with of course no succes. He tried several times, his nurse gave me some tips on how to make it less uncomfortable but nothing worked. I was so frustrated and ashamed that I burst into tears right there. They just went silent and looked at each other and then at me, I could see how the nurse was judging me, she wasn’t saying anything but she didn’t need to. The doctor said I needed to relax and suggested I get drunk and to use lots and lots of lubricant. I never went back to him.

I went to a sexologist 2 or 3 times but couldn’t do more since I couldn’t pay for it and my medical insurance won’t cover it. He knew what the condition was, and I felt relieved, but he needed to do more research on the treatment. He suggested me to use the dilators, just insert them as I could, but I couldn’t. I went to another web page that sells some books with the dilators and teach you how to put them along with your kegels exercises and my bf help me to pay for them since I couldn’t ask my parents for the money since I haven’t told anyone but my cousin about this. Me and my boyfriend thought this was going to be the end of this painfull process but nothing work. I went to a tantra and yoga seminar hoping to find the cure. The tantra teacher told me to listen to my body and that if this was happening it was maybe because my body wasn’t ready for this yet. He suggested me to smoke marijuana to help me relax. Needless to say it didn’t wok. Nothing has work.

This has been the most exhausting journey of my life, I’ve lost so much time, energy and don’t even talk about the money I’ve lost in the searching for a cure of my condition. I feel so frustrated and even have some kind of rancor and angryness for all the doctors and gurus I visited hoping for a solution and all they did was to tell me that I was the problem. I can’t wait to have the botox treatment done, this is my last resort and the moment that will define many things in my life and relationship. I just can’t wait to overcome vaginismus for once and for all and to leave this ugly chapter of my life way behind me!

[Heather34]

Hi Kiki! Welcome to the forum and thank you so, so much for your post. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to experience the suffering that goes along with vaginismus and I am here for you 100%. You wrote about your experiences in the past with doctors who were uneducated regarding the condition of vaginismus – “when my GYN didn’t even heard me once I said the word vaginismus. I was so mad! I had bought the brochures I printed from that page and told him all my symptoms and he interrupted me saying that that was all in my head and to stop looking for erroneous diagnosis on the internet. He then proceed to do the regular exam with of course no success.” No doctor should do this and make patients feel this way and, unfortunately, it happens far too often as so many doctors are uneducated about the condition of vaginismus. Your post in addition to my own experiences in the past with uneducated physicians makes me want to advocate that much harder to spread the word about the condition of vaginismus and this particular treatment program. One of the most important aspects of this program is the knowledge and training that Dr. Pacik and his staff have regarding the condition of vaginismus. When I contacted them and received my treatment, it was so welcoming and wonderful that I didn’t have to try to explain my symptoms and the condition again and, instead, had a doctor and team who truly “got it” and were all there to help me. As I’ve said before, it was a truly life-changing procedure for my husband and I and was my cure and solution for overcoming vaginismus! Thank you again Kiki for your post and I look forward to reading more of your posts!