January 8, 2014 at 5:49 pm #12338
Hi birdie. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so, so sorry to read of your struggles. Please know that we are all here for you and you will overcome this. I want to congratulate you on conquering your fear of going to the pelvic floor physical therapist. And, from what you describe that she said of your muscles constantly contracting, it certainly sounds like vaginismus which could be causing this pain. Has your PT suggested using vaginal dilators? I, too, suffered with vaginismus for several years – all of my 20s and early 30s. I tried doing PT but failed b/c I was unable to insert anything until receiving this procedure. Following this, and without the resistance (hitting a wall feeling), I used vaginal dilators to stretch the muscles and they helped so, so much. In the beginning, I used the Pure Romance Set. They are silicone, different colors, and have handles which make insertion and removal much easier. Much later, I used the Glass Dilator Set and love these as they are shorter in length than pure romance; also have handles; and sitting/walking is more manageable with these inserted. If you haven’t already, I would suggest viewing these dilators and they are for sale through Dr. Pacik’s office as well. I am so happy that you have found this Forum as you have our support in your journey of overcoming vaginismus. While experiencing it, my husband and I were the only ones who knew in addition to the various clinicians we visited. I didn’t share it with anyone else, including family and friends and found it too difficult to explain. This was very hard to experience at the time and it’s so nice, again, to have a place to talk to other women who either currently have it or have had it and receive support. Can’t wait to read more of your posts soon.January 8, 2014 at 11:34 pm #12340Dr. PacikParticipant
Thanks for posting and having the courage to tell your story. It does sound like secondary vaginismus in that you were comfortable at some time but later experienced pain during intercourse. UTI’s are notorious for triggering secondary vaginismus. Secondary vaginismus is treated much like primary vaginismus by using dilators for progressively longer times and advancing in size. For difficult problems the Botox program works quite well.
Just do a search for secondary vaginismus to help understand this.
If you are unable to progress with dilators please use the contact form on the website so we can send you questionnaires to complete.December 14, 2014 at 11:04 pm #13564Twilight2012Participant
I wanted to introduce myself since I recently had the procedure done. I have been struggling with vaginismus for about 9 years (that I know of), and I’m so thankful I found Dr. Pacik! I’m currently a 27 year old 4th year medical student, and I find it troubling that, as a soon to be physician, I had barely heard of vaginismus as a medical condition. I think the work Dr. Pacik and all of you on this forum are doing is amazing. Before I came across these posts and started reading, I felt completely alone. From a young age I knew something was wrong when I couldn’t wear tampons, but I thought it was just me. In recent years, after beginning a serious relationship, my relationship began to suffer severely, and I knew there had to be something more. I felt broken, abnormal, and like I couldn’t do something that normal people are supposed to do. It became frustrating for both me and my boyfriend. I went from doctor to doctor and no one could tell me what was wrong. No one could come up with a treatment that would actually help. I tried dilators, physical therapy, psychotherapy, gabapentin, lidocaine jelly…I felt completely stuck. I felt like I would never be able to get married or have children… Then my mother came across an article in Cosmo magazine about Botox and I started googling..
I have been struggling with my busy medical school schedule to religiously dilate… But I do as much as I can, and I can already tell the difference! Both mentally and physically. I hope that as my schedule slows in the next few weeks I can be more compliant and make some progress.
This experience has been life changing and has made me feel like I finally have a future! As a future pediatrician, I hope to continue spreading the word and helping young girls to identify the problem before it goes too far. I also plan on educating my doctors so others don’t have to go through the same. Thank you to all of you for helping me realize that I’m not alone!December 28, 2014 at 6:36 pm #13577
Hi Twilight20-12. I absolutely loved reading your post and huge, huge CONGRATS on having the procedure done. It is such a shame that so few people, even in the medical community, know about vaginismus. I hadn’t even heard of it and was told that I had vulvodynia when I visited my first gynecologist. I did not actually have this and was cured from vaginismus and able to make love to my husband and have pain-free exams post-procedure. I think it is so wonderful that you, as a future pediatrician, will now be able to help other young women with this and you are also going to share with your doctors. So, so important and wonderful!!! I also LOVE the fact that you discovered information about Botox for Vaginismus from Cosmo. This inspires me so much to want to get another similar article published in 2015 so even more women, like us, who have had vaginismus, will know not only what it is but that there is a successful treatment out there for it. Wonderful post again and I am so, so happy for you post-procedure. Sending hugs and support. :):):)January 7, 2015 at 6:08 pm #13590Khatt30Participant
Hi, I just found out about this Botox treatment of vaginismus last night!! I happen to stumble upon it through Pinterest (of all places. lol) I have primary vaginismus and only realized it about 2 years ago while in marriage counseling. ( I married at 30, I am 35 years old now) I never even heard of this condition before then. I had never even attempted tampons (ever) and I actually had several successful PAP exams since I was 18, so I was completely confused when I could not have penetration despite multiple attempts over months and then years.
In retrospect (after reading up on Vaginismus) the PAP smears became increasingly more painful over the years and when I went for my last one (right before I got married) my dr. was unable to even insert her finger! I was in so much pain and so embarrassed! My GYN dr. was (obviously) un familiar with vaginismus because she reacted frustrated with ME! She said some hurtful things like: “What are you going to do on your honeymoon?! lay there and say ‘ow! ow!’?!” She then proceeded to try to force me to insert a tampon! (I cringe to even remember the day). Needless to say I left in tears and NEVER went back.
Fastforward to 2 years later, me and my husband were in marriage counseling due to severe relationship issues (as you can imagine) and I told our counselors about our ‘issue’ AGAINST my husbands wishes (he was present) because i felt that had a lot to do with why we were there to begin with. The counselor researched it and told us about it in the very next visit.
Since then we found the 10Steps to completely overcoming Vaginismus book and dilator kit (By Mark and Lisa Carter) we purchased it and began the process….I got as far as Step6 and the second dilators, but i was going it alone….my husband was not very supportive and we never really ‘talked’ about it because he would get upset. (He couldn’t deal with it , i guess)
So, i gave up. The emotional and physical pressure of doing it alone and not being able to really talk with ANYONE about it plus the pressures of a stressful job, took it’s toll.
Our marriage deteriorated further and we eventually just ignored it. We didn’t talk about it one way or the other. We were intimate less and less frequently. (my libido is almost non-existant even now) As my 35th birthday came and went (last July) I became more depressed about not being able to have a family. We finally started talking about our ‘issue’ again and started working on our relationship.
We have re-started the book from the beginning but with my husbands 100% support this time. (In all honesty, i was un-interested and resigned to someday adopt, but he wanted to try again)
I have so much resentment and trauma and negative feelings about the whole process that it’s hard to sit through each chapter as we read it together….I dread when i have to start he endless exercises, insertions with the dilators etc…!!
That’s why I was looking it up on Pinterest…..and then i read that there was this treatment…..but then i realized that you are in New Hampshire 🙁
I live in North Texas!
I may never be able to go get the Botox treatment you offer but I though I could at least share my story and talk to SOMEONE about it!
It’s been so many years of silence and shame and frustration!
I honestly don’t know how far i will get with this book this time around…..There’s just nothing else i can do.
Thank you for everything you’re doing for women like me.
This really is the loneliest disease.January 8, 2015 at 8:01 pm #1359123yearsParticipant
Your story made me want to cry. This IS a lonely condition. But you found the right place. I had the Big V for 23 years. Just had the Botox in June 2014. Yes, it does work.
I’m sorry that your marriage has suffered and we all do. Our partners are powerless and of course cannot know how it feels. It breaks down your self esteem. I just wish not one more couple, not one more person, would have to deal with this condition. It’s NOT okay…
That being said, the treatment is not cost-prohibitive. Insurance companies are covering some of the costs. Women have traveled internationally to obtain treatment with Dr Pacik.
Keep talking this out and you will find a way….a way to overcome, like a lot of us here.
Hugs to you,
23 yearsJanuary 10, 2015 at 6:19 pm #13595Khatt30Participant
Thank you. I hope I can get this treatment before it’s too late for my marriage. I already feel it may be too late for children.
Khatt30January 10, 2015 at 6:31 pm #13596Janet PacikParticipant
Hi Khatt30, If you would like me to send you some information on the treatment program, please do let me know. I know that you already purchased Dr. Pacik’s book, but I would highly recommend that your husband read the book too. He will understand so much more about vaginismus after reading the book. My thoughts are with you . . .January 10, 2015 at 6:40 pm #13597Dr. PacikParticipant
Thanks for introducing yourself. Vaginismus is both a physical and an emotional problem. Just reading a book and using dilators has a high rate of failure especially in the more severe forms of vaginismus. One really needs to address both the physical spasm as well as the fear and anxiety to penetration that develops as a result of severe pain when attempting intercourse.
Please use the contact form on my website and complete the questionnaire that my staff will send you. I will be happy to review the information.
Most of my patients are from out of state and out of country. My staff can help guide you though the process.January 11, 2015 at 10:44 am #13599
Hi Khatt30!!! I’m so, so sorry for what you are going through with vaginismus. I do feel like our stories are so similar. I had primary vaginismus all through my 20s and early 30s. I tried to complete the workbook from vag.com and could only make it to the trying to insert the q-tip or slim tampon stage. Each time, it did not work and I would become more and more frustrated and discouraged. I did this entirely alone as my husband also would not talk about it with me and for years and years we both ignored it. Every January, I would make a list of things I wanted to accomplish in the coming year and “cure V” was always on top. During the 10+ years I had it and before discovering Dr. Pacik, we would always try to save $10,000+ each year for a treatment program that we heard of in Long Island. I would sign up for the program and we would both work multiple jobs but never could save the money. Then, in May of 2011, I learned about Dr. Pacik’s treatment and had the procedure on June 27th of the same year. My husband who, up until this point was disinterested and never talked about it, was excited for it as well and came up to NH with me. We had the treatment and, for the very first time, something was able to be inside of me pain-free. Thereafter, the resistance (hitting a wall feeling) that we had always had when trying to insert anything went away making it now possible to insert all of the sized dilators right in. We then went home and kept in touch with Dr. Pacik and, on July 4th, I dilated for a couple of hours and he removed the dilator and was able to insert himself in entirely pain-free. I hope it doesn’t sound silly but it was such a special moment for the both of us and felt like a true miracle after spending years and years trying to be able to do this. It was wonderful and still makes me smile so huge. I was 34 years old at the time of treatment and, like you, was concerned that I would never be able to have children. I am now 37 years old and we’re expecting our first child on May 14, 2015 which is such a miracle and, again, something that neither my husband or I could’ve ever dreamed of and something we both are so thankful to Dr. Pacik, Janet Pacik, and all of the staff for. I noticed that you posted in the other category, Raising the Money for Vaginismus Treatment in 2015, and am so glad it helped. I tried to find every single prior Blog/Post/Newsletter on this topic and believe that where there is a will there is a way. I know you indicated that you live in North Texas and want you to know that should you come up for the treatment in NH, both you and your husband would have a friend close by in Boston, MA. Last January, another wonderful couple traveled into Boston (Logan Airport) from Colorado and we had been chatting on the Forum and through e-mail prior. We ended up meeting up at a restaurant attached to their hotel and it was so nice to do for the both of us and I believe helped a great deal as she already knew another who had experienced vaginismus and could meet with them and talk prior to her treatment which she had the next day. Please know that I am here for you and send my support, hugs, positive thoughts, and prayers your way!!!!
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