Extreme fear

Find support and treatment options from participants and Maze Women’s Health staff.

Viewing 9 posts - 61 through 69 (of 69 total)
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  • #11388
    sweetiani
    Participant

    Hi Coffee, you are not alone. I remember the transition to intercourse was difficult and scary for me also. What really helped me was dilating 30-1 hr each time before we tried and that helped alot because it stretched out the muscles down there. I would take it out a second before he tries to go in. Also, to help relax the muscles, I bought a bullet vibrator from Amazon.com and put it on my clitoris. That helped tremendously…and also helped me get an orgasm too at the end since it’s not easy getting one from the penis. I used a ton of lubrication (Astroglide) and we turned on the music and lit candles. It helps to start slowly and transition to full penetration. Maybe the first time you can start with the genitals touching, followed by slight insertion the next time, etc. You are not on a timeline and don’t need to successfully have full penetration the first try. Take it easy and try not to think about it too much as stress makes the muscles more tense. Hope this info helps and good luck!

    #11435
    coffee
    Participant

    Thank you so much I haven’t been on the forum much buy I am in this therapy called emotional freedom therapy. Thank for being positive. I am happy for all if of you I am just the one odd ball.

    #11437
    Dr. Pacik
    Participant

    Though hard to believe you are not the odd ball. I have several patients that took 8-12 months of dilation before they were able to achieve intercourse, also due to high levels of anxiety. Now six months since your treatment, with the Botox no longer active, you are still able to dilate easily and you even successfully had a GYN exam. This in of itself says a lot. Your anxiety levels remain high and you are being treated for this.
    I have every reason to believe that you and Elliott will be successful. Just stay with the program, never give up and it will happen. When it does you will be amazed how easy it is.

    #11445
    nm174
    Participant

    It took me eight months to have intercourse after the surgery. It took me this long because first of all because i was still scared and a lot of it was that i didn’t have the time to dedicate to the dilators. So what i did was one weekend when i was completely alone and nobody was in the house to bother me I started off with the smallest dilator and left it in for about an hour slid it in and out until i felt comfortable and then moved up to the next one and did the same and so on and so forth until i got to the biggest dilator. With this one I would leave it in for at least an hour or so and i would make sure i would use lubricants on all of them it helps out a lot. I did this from the time i woke up until about 11 pm every night. It sounds a bit obsessive but i was determined to do this. Then for a about a week i would use only the big dilator in the evenings for about an hour and half practicing. This does take time but you have to make the time out of the day to do this no matter what. Then after about a week my husband and i tried and it didn’t work because for me it took time for the dilator to go in and that is not the case with a penis cause it can only stay erect for awhile. So what my husband suggested was to take viagra so the next night we tried with that and it worked and we never had to use it again. It does feel uncomfortable and u may feel a bit of a burning sensation but you will get used to it and it does get better. This may be too much information but i would have liked someone to give me some step by step advice like this, so i hope this helps. And good luck to you if u stay motivated and determined it will happen.

    #11446
    Dr. Pacik
    Participant

    Thanks nm174 for posting this valuable information. This is exactly what others need to know, especially those who continue to have difficulty making the transition from dilators to intercourse. It is not easy to overcome “extreme fear”.
    Thanks also to coffee for sharing her extreme fear. This has become the most popular topic on the Forum with over 1000 views, over 60 replies and occupies 7 pages as of today. This is obviously a topic that resonates with many and shows the power of how women can help both with personal information and support. As we hopefully hear from others each person will be able to take individual pearls from the experiences of many.

    #11671
    coffee
    Participant

    Update!!! I am thrilled to see that everyone had made progress!!!!! But I wish I had better news to share like everyone else I don’t. Nothing had changed everything is still the same.

    #11672
    Heather34
    Participant

    Hi coffee. I want you to know that I’m here for you always and believe in you.

    In a prior post, Alyx, one of Dr. Pacik’s treated patient’s writes:

    “Had my procedure over a year ago… I got extremely discouraged after several months passed and I’d been dilating and we’d been trying everything and nothing seemed to work for us. I truly thought I was the one person this procedure wouldn’t work for. I became super depressed and everything. Then last night we didn’t even expect much to happen and boom!! It did!! God is sooo good!! Please Please Please don’t get discouraged!! Just when we weren’t expecting it, it happened!! You can do it ladies!!”

    Again, please know that I believe in you and am here for you always! Sending you thoughts, prayers, and hugs.

    #11694
    Nakitalab
    Participant

    Hi coffee, you have been on my mind alot lately and just want to say to please hang in there and don’t give up hope. We are on the sidelines cheering you on. Are you able to spend any time dilating? Over the last couple of months I have not been able to dilate every day which causes me to loose confidence in what my body can do. For me it’s a huge help when I am able to get back into a routine and be consistent with dilating as it not only helps my body to understand that it can hold a dilator but it also helps my mind, giving me confidence in myself and my body that I can do it. I’m here for you coffee. Your in my prayers. Sending you a big hug.

    #11705
    janemurphy
    Participant

    Hi ladies,

    You are all so wonderful and supportive to one another, it’s so nice to read. Heather sent me an email about this thread, and I’m so glad she did.

    I too spent 3 years treating vaginimus. Although I did not go through Dr Pacik’s program, I was able to find success in PT using dilators.

    I too suffered anxiety and depression during treatment. I think the emotional pain can be worse than the physical pain. To help with this I found a few tricks that work for me. One is meditation – whether it’s taking a yoga class or listening to a tape. It teaches you to control your emotional responses. Helpful in so many ways.

    I also found hypnosis to be amazing and also a fast-track way to go through therapy. I was lucky to find a qualified hypnotist near me. My experience was that during each session he would record his voice. During the weeks between sessions I would listen to the tape every night. Not only was I able to identify what I believe to be my root cause of vaginismus, but throughout the sessions we would say things like “you have the right to orgasm” and things like that to help re-train your mind and body.

    If any of this interest you I’ve documented more about this treatment on my website here: http://www.myvaginismusstory.com/nontraditional-treatments.html#emdr

    Coffee, I hope things improve for you soon. I know it’s hard to stay focused on a treatment plan when you’re not getting the results you want. But stay with it. You deserve a healthy sex life and unlimited happiness. I wish you all the best.

Viewing 9 posts - 61 through 69 (of 69 total)
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