Extreme fear

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 69 total)
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  • #10900
    coffee
    Participant

    I don’t know how to overcome the fear of having sex with my husband. I had the procedure sept 18 and still no sex. I feel I am much worse off than you all. At least you overcome your fear of having sex, It has gotten to the point where I feel not sure of things, the dilators are going fine I still get nervous about those but I do them. I still do physical therapy. The transition from intercourse to dilators it’s harder than I thought it would be.

    #10696
    Allie
    Participant

    I am so sorry that you are dealing with this great amount of anxiety. It breaks my heart. Keep doing what you are doing with the dilators. Push through the nervousness like you have been doing. Have you and your husband tried being intimate with each other in a way knowing that NO sex will be involved. Just focusing on other parts of the body that can make you both feel good. We get so wrapped up with fear that we forget about the love and wanted initmacy that we used to have with our partners(without sex). Even though I am able to have a pain free sex life I still find myself getting nervous and anxious before insertion. It’s going to take a while for me to fully be relaxed and not nervous. We just have to remember that this is normal after everything we have been through. Please don’t lose hope. Once you both spend time being intimate with each other, try just rubbing his penis around your opening, don’t even think about trying to insert and make sure he doesn’t try to insert either. This will help you get used to it, this helped me so much. I would love if we could email back and forth. Would you be ok with Janet giving me your email? Hugs*

    #10903
    coffee
    Participant

    Thanks.. We use to be really intimate before the procedure. I would love for you to have my email and phone number. But now since the procedure all we do is dilate.

    #10913
    lsmith
    Participant

    Dear coffee,
    I sleep every other night with the pink silicone dilator in. Then before intercourse, I dilate with the pink dilator for 10 to 15 minutes. Then I dilate with the blue dilator for at least 10 minutes prior to intercourse. We take insertion very slowly. It’s something you do, slowly and then you just realize, hey this does not hurt….unbelievable!!!!!!!!You must have faith in the procedure.It did work!!!!!!! Enjoy the benefits of it.
    Hugs also!!! Lisa

    #10918
    coffee
    Participant

    Thank you.

    #10919
    Dr. Pacik
    Participant

    Three lovely ladies were treated today. During post procedure counseling of transition to intercourse we discussed how pressure tends to derail us at these fragile moments. As a Forum let’s continue discussing what we can do to re-create intimacy and remove the clinical aspects of dilation and the pressure of achieving intercourse. I like Allie’s idea of being intimate with each other KNOWING THAT NO SEX WILL BE INVOLVED. We have to return to those intimate moments. Perhaps a little loving in a bathtub . Warm water is always special for our senses. Massage. Hugging. See if you can get comfortable with his penis between your legs knowing there will be no penetration. You have come so far, we need to continue to chip away at the anxiety. If you start with the premise that no penetration will be attempted, see if you can get comfortable having his penis close to you, knowing that you can trust him. Ladies-more ideas?

    #10920
    coffee
    Participant

    Dr. Pacik, thank you for ideas. So true. I will try this. I liked Allie ideas to as well. Thank you. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel I have come along way, I have started dilating myself.

    #10925
    sarah
    Participant

    Hi girls

    Can i join you please. I am new to this forum. I have been struggling for 7 years and didnt know what i was suffering from until about a year ago.about 2 months ago i purchased the platic dilators from vag.com and can insert 4 without but find number 5 hard to go in. V uncomfortablr and feels like a forced entry….. Can i ask whther u girls could dilate on your own prior to botox or whether u only started after botox.

    Not sure if i need botox or if its an anxiety issue.
    Need help from you all please as where i am its seems so uncommon and i feel quite alienated.

    Thanks v much

    #10926
    Allie
    Participant

    Hi Sarah,

    Welcome to the forum. You no longer need to feel alienated. We all know exactly what you are going through. I also purchased the plastic dilator set from vag.com, but I was never able to insert them. That’s amazing that you have been able to! It wasn’t until I had the procedure done that I was able to dilate. Anxiety is VERY common with vaginismus.

    I’m not one to know if you need the Botox procedure done. But I will tell you that’s it WAY more than that. You will also receive dilation therapy and counseling. Which is very important in overcoming vaginismus. I would suggest emailing Dr. P. He would be able to evaluate and determine if the Botox treatment is best for you.

    How often are you dilating? And for how long?

    #10927
    sarah
    Participant

    Hi

    Im from the uk so th logistics are a bit difficult at th moment. I dilate every third day for about 1 hour…..but wen i go back to it i can dilate apart from thr largest size.

    I am really keen to purchase th glass and silicone dilators as they appear to b more comfortable.

    Im just scared of sleeping with them in case they go too far….. Dread waking up and realising its gone too far and would need gyn exam to pull out…. Daft i know but part of the anxiety.!

    may have th botox in uk but need to solve it assap as anxiety making it worse

    Was ur treatment sucesful?

    #10928
    Allie
    Participant

    Yes, my treatment was definitely successful. I am almost 3 months post procedure and I am able to dilate and have pain free intercourse.

    I use the glass dilators and they are very comfortable.

    #10929
    sarah
    Participant

    Hi. Allie

    How long did you dilate for ? And which dilators did you use throughout ur treatment ? Have you always used the glass dilators ?

    It feels like il never be able to achieve intercourse but cant give up hope now.

    #10930
    sarah
    Participant

    I have also had many failed fertility treatments and have been diagnosed with several fertility issues … Soo desperate to resolve my vaginismus as iM sure trying naturally will help me and may even mean i can conceive naturally…..as u always hear.

    #10932
    Allie
    Participant

    Since treatment I have dilated for 2 hours a day(sometimes longer) and I sleep with a dilator in every other night. The sizes may be different but during the day I dilate with #4 & #5. I sleep with #3. Since treatment I have only used the glass dilators.

    So sorry you are going through this. I definitely think you need to email Dr. Pacik. 🙂

    #10939
    Nakitalab
    Participant

    Hi Sarah, I had my treatment the same day as Allie and had suffered with Vaginismus for over 34 years. Like you I was able to insert some of the dilators. I purchased the glass dilators and love them. They are so much more comfortable and easy to use. To me they are designed so that you can’t put them in too far and they won’t get lost. Like Allie, I highly encourage you to contact Dr. Pacik. I dilated 2 hours a day, sleeping with #5 every other night and then recently have switched to dilating 1 1/2 hours a day, 30 minutes with #4 and 60 minutes with #5 and sleep every other day with #4. I always dilate prior to intercourse and I am so blessed that intercourse has been pain free. I am getting nervous about the Botox wearing off but many women who have had the procedure before me have ensured me that they didn’t notice a difference. Please know you are not alone in this and I highly recommend you read through as much of the Forum as you can as it has been so helpful to me in so many ways. I have still have alot of work to do as far as trust and anxiety but the women and Dr. Pacik’s team have and continue to be with me each step of the way. We are all here for you and encourage you to e-mail Dr. Pacik. 🙂

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