Extreme fear

[coffee]

Thank you. I am really anxious about starting intercourse. Hopefully I can try this week. My biggest thing is dilating two hours before intercourse just being nervous and to know what is about to happen. Any suggestions. I have been feeling some sensation with the dilators.

[Heather34]

Hi coffee. I want you to know that I am here for you and always will be and I believe in you 100%. In a prior post, you wrote how you were nervous prior to your procedure. I, too, was incredibly anxious prior to mine – a 10+++. Despite how nervous you were, you and your husband, together as a team, went to Dr. Pacik’s office, you had the procedure, and you were incredibly successful. I am so, so proud of you for this. Thereafter, you wrote about your very first GYN exam and, despite being very, very nervous, having complete success! I’m so, so proud of you for this as well. Through every step in this process, your husband has been right there by your side and this is so beautiful to read and see just how much he loves you and how important it is to tackle vaginismus together as a team. I know you will be successful in making love and I believe in you. Whenever I doubted myself ever or my progress, I would remind myself of where I once was (never even able to insert a q-tip pain-free). You have come so, so far and I truly believe in you and your continued success. Here are a couple of specific tips for transitioning:

In a prior post, you wrote “I had my Pap smear and I was successful. It took me 30 min, to gain my composure but I did it. I didn’t put my legs in the stirrups, I did what I normally do in physical therapy and that helped a lot. I went with num 5 already inserted, as soon as my gyn doctor came in I did my kegels and she inserted the smallest speculum. I was very nervous and very anxious but I did it.”

When my hubby and I first transitioned, we both noticed that I had leg-lock, where I would automatically and involuntarily tighten up my legs with intercourse. This is similar to your nervousness and shaking legs. To get around this, we would try intercourse in different positions and found particular ones that were very, very comfortable for both of us. This may really help you as well. What may also help is to do what you found the most helpful in physical therapy and at your prior successful GYN exam. You dilated in advance and this really helped. I, too, dilated for 2+ hours in advance of intercourse in the beginning and this really helped both physically as well as mentally. You also mentioned doing your kegels. This, too, may be very helpful. You also noted that it took you 30 minutes to gain your composure but YOU DID IT! What helped you to gain your composure? I would use the exact same things to help you in this situation too. In prior posts, you noted how much your husband has helped you with the steps and that he is now able to insert his fingers to massage your vaginal muscles. This too is a huge success! Use this to help you build even more trust and know that your hubby has your back and is your rock through everything, including this step!

I believe in you coffee and am here for you always!!!

[coffee]

Thanks heather I dilated last night and fell asleep with number6. I woke 1:45 to take it out. I am now able to tolerate num 6.

[Nakitalab]

That is awesome, Coffee that you dilated and fell asleep with #6. I commend you for being persistent and not giving up!

[coffee]

Thank you. I am really anxious about starting intercourse. Hopefully I can try this week. My biggest thing is dilating two hours before intercourse just being nervous and to know what is about to happen. Any suggestions. I have been feeling some sensation with the dilators.

[coffee]

I don’t wanna give up. Just started birth control. I still attend physical therapy. This week I will try sleeping with number six this week about every other day. I really thought my anxiousness and anxiety would had disappeared but it hasn’t!!!!!!!!! 🙁

[Heather34]

This is so, so wonderful coffee!!!

In a prior post, you wrote:
“Finally number 6 went in, very uncomfortable and tight had alot of throbbing and soreness afterwards. Just thought i would let everyone know, and i will continue to dilate till i can tolerate number 6.”

Tonight, you wrote:
“I dilated last night and fell asleep with number6. I woke 1:45 to take it out. I am now able to tolerate num 6.”

I am so very proud of you and KNOW you can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you set your mind too!!!

You wrote:
“My biggest thing is dilating two hours before intercourse just being nervous and to know what is about to happen”

To relax during the time prior to intercourse, there are so many different things that you could do with your hubby. Some ideas include watching a romantic movie, lighting scented candles, listening to very relaxing and soothing music together. To eliminate the feelings of pressure in the very beginning, I imagined my hubby’s penis as just another dilator. I knew that I was thoroughly stretched out from using the pure romance blue dilator for 2 hours in advance of intercourse and he simply gently removed this and even more gently inserted himself right in, just like you insert the dilators every day. You will be successful with intercourse coffee and you will have all of our support 100%.

[coffee]

Thank you. My fears hold me back. I dilate with the glass dilators. So I guess they are about the same, right? I can imagine that to. That would help me, Thanks so much heather,

[Heather34]

Hi coffee. Yes, the diameter of the glass dilator is the same as the Pure Romance dilators size for size. Another idea would be “Clone a Willy” which would be excellent to dilate with because it is the exact size of your husband and life like. See the following thread that discusses this concept:

http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=442#postid-1970

[Nakitalab]

Try not to be so hard on yourself, Coffee. You are doing great. Heather’s idea of thinking of our husbands as a dilator is a great idea and I’m going to try that as I still get anxious right before intercourse thinking that it is going to be painful but oh what a wonderful blessing it never has been since the procedure!

[coffee]

Do u all think sleeping with number six will help calm my anxiety?

[Allie]

Hey Coffee,

What are you sleeping with now? Is #6 giving you problems while trying to dilate during the day? Are you dilating well with 4 and 5? Sorry for all the questions just want to understand more where your coming from!..:)

[coffee]

I sleep with 5 and dilate with 5 and6 everyday. I don’t have to use 4 anymore.

[Allie]

Wow! That’s awesome! It sounds like you are doing very well with the dilators. If you think sleeping with 6 will help calm your anxiety then go ahead and definitely try it. I dealt with a huge amount of anxiety. Even though I was doing well with the dilators I couldn’t seem to overcome my anxiety. I went to a counselor and it helped me tremendously. Have you thought about going to a counselor? Maybe email Dr. P and get his opinion?

[coffee]

Yes I see a counselor. When I see my husband erect penis it scares me. It seems like its bigger than number six. We have not tried inter course yet. :(. I take medicine but fear is holding me back. Haven’t been sleeping well or eating.