At Maze Women’s Health, we see a lot of women with vaginismus– a condition which causes the vaginal muscles to involuntarily tighten. This makes penetration difficult, painful, or sometimes “impossible.” Many of these women are also navigating the dating world. I hear women talk about feeling inadequate, alone, incomplete, and bearing so much shame toward not being able to have penetrative sex.
Inevitably, the question of disclosing and discussing their vaginismus with a potential new partner arises. I look at this dilemma through the lens of boundaries. You get to decide whom you invite in and whom you don’t. Talking about sex can be daunting, and adding vaginismus to the mix can feel “extremely awkward.” Take a pause and decide when you feel the time is right to start the conversation. Maybe write some things down to help clarify your thoughts. Think about what you want to get across to your partner. What’s important for them to know? This first conversation can be just that- the first of many. Of course, you may be taking a risk, having no idea as to how a partner will react. The good news is you both will have an opportunity to learn more about each other; for better or otherwise.
It’s critical to keep in mind that penetrative sex is only one of many ways to share physical intimacy. Expanding the variety of sexual options while you are treating vaginismus can make for more confident dating. Remember that sex is not a performance – it’s about connecting, communicating, caring , pleasure, touch, enjoyment, and more!
Looking for information about pelvic pain and/or vaginismus? Schedule a Free Phone Consult today.