Boundaries in the Bedroom

Every month another women’s magazine has an article about how you should “make your bedroom an oasis.” Or “keep the bedroom for sex.” And when I see this I have a difficult time stifling a giggle. Yes, of course we would all be better off if we kept our bedroom as a haven for sex. But that really is not a practical solution for most of us who don’t live in 12 room mansions. For most women I know the bedroom is the newest form of the multi-purpose room: watching TV, snuggling the kids, folding the laundry, keeping the dog, part-time lap-top retreat for work, and part time yoga studio. Who are we kidding? But I do think that people can and should create boundaries for the bedroom that allow you to convert it into a good place to have sex when you want to. Here are some things than can help do that and are pretty non-negotiable:

  • A lock on your door. Yes. You. I get that many people have the kids wander in at night and don’t make their beds off limit, but there has to be some level of security that allows you to relax when you are having sex and not have to wonder all the time if you will look up and see a small head peering down at you asking what you and daddy are doing.
  • A white noise machine. This can be a fan turned on in your bathroom or an actual white noise machine, but either way, you need something that allows you to relax and not have to whisper when you are having sex, especially with teenagers in the house. White noise machines are inexpensive and easy to find.
  • A small or diffuse light source. Most people have a bedside lamp or something that allows you to have sex without the overhead light making you feel like you are in a gym and without subjecting you to looking for each other in pitch blackness. It’s important because lighting really does have an impact on your mood.
  • A place to put the family pet outside of the bedroom. I am sorry.  Having whining jealous pets, or a furry face coming between you and your lover is not a way to make sex more erotic. I can’t tell you how many people I have had to have “the talk” with. You need to get your pet out of your love life and that means getting your pet out of your bedroom! Believe me, they will love you anyhow.
  • An easy access sex towel, or something to put under you for those wet spots that invariably happen.
  • A private closet or drawer within easy reach to store lubricants, vibrators, sexy books or whatever other accoutrements you and your partner like. So this might mean putting a lock on your nightstand drawer or just keeping a locked box somewhere near the bed. It takes a little bit of planning but it really makes a big difference

You’d be amazed at how a little bit of management can make your bedroom into a place that’s more conducive to sex. And while that doesn’t solve a low libido problem, it can address the “I have trouble getting in the mood” problem.

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