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It has been awhile.. I came down with a cold that left me miserable, then started my menses, and life just got hectic.

To update everyone, the past month has been pretty much the same in terms of pain. I have zero muscle pain, but the left side vestibuldynia pain is still there. However, my husband and I have been attempting and having intercourse more and more frequently as time goes on. Even though there is still pain for me, it’s a much more tolerable pain and I can usually get through it. It sometimes even drops down so low I barely even notice it! Sometimes, anyway.

I have stopped using the lidocaine because there was zero difference in pain when I used it and at times it felt like it irritated the area more than anything.

I have to admit, because of everything going on – I have not kept to a strict dilation schedule. I’m hoping to get back on track soon. I’m also still hoping for someone to reach out who has vestibuldynia as well and see/read another’s experience with that condition.

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CONGRATS HALEY! I’m so happy for you guys! That is definitely an awesome accomplishment.

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Thanks Heather. I have tried almost everything you listed but they don’t seem to work well; maybe because I have a tinier frame so even though they’re fitted they’re not really tight on my body. However, I found some Under Armour compression shorts that are absolutely perfect! Little pricey at $25 but it’s what works for me, so a good investment none the less.

Also, I know I completely skipped posting last weekend. The past couple of weeks have been very chaotic and the treatment has been very up and down.

Today marks Day 19 post procedure.

Let’s start with the week I stopped posting every day. The beginning of that week was about the same as it had been until Tuesday when I started my period. It was a really heavy flow and different than how my periods normally are and I also wasn’t too comfortable with the idea of dilating while bleeding so much, so I didn’t. For four days I did not dilate.. and the entire time I was concerned I was going to be setback in my dilation progress. So on the fifth day of my period when I finally decided I should dilate, I had mild anxiety, but you know what? That day of dilation was probably the most successful day to that date. Nothing was setback. In fact dilation was easier than it was before and I had no pain! So to anyone worried about not dilating during their period, at least for me, it’s perfectly fine if you don’t. It didn’t set me back at all and like I said, it was actually better after the mini break.

But that brings us to the sixth day of my period.. where my vestibuldynia came back with a vengeance. Sigh.

I should note that I honestly feel that the vaginismus issue is completely taken care of. The muscle tightness and muscle pain has been pretty much non-existent since I underwent Dr. Pacik’s treatment. The pain I have felt and the pain I continue to feel now is linked to the vestibuldynia I was originally diagnosed with. Frustrating.

That bring us to this past week, where I’ve been on a complete roller coaster. The vestibuldynia pain is mainly focused on the left side and it tends to radiate out from there. The beginning of this week was plagued with pain that if I moved wrong while dilating, skyrocketed to pain worse than the vaginismus pain was. That was a very devastating realization to go through. I knew the treatment wouldn’t fix that particular issue, but it seemed like it was under control only to come back so fierce.. Dr. Pacik is very understanding of this though and is working with me to figure out how to treat it. I went through every treatment possible previous to the botox treatment and none of it worked to get rid of the vaginismus or vestibuldynia, so it feels like I’m back at square one.

With that said, I have been using cortizone 10 and lidocaine prior to dilating the past few days and that seems to tame it pretty well. The only issue I have with this is I know it’s just masking the pain and not fixing the problem at hand; just like before, but I’m giving it another shot and I’ll see where it takes me this time. It’s not a treatment that can continue forever, since using the hydrocortisone longer than a week at a time can be harmful, to my understanding.

This brings us to last night where my frustrations were at an all time high and I just did not feel like dilating. I was, er, feeling frisky? And was just overcome with frustration about not being able to just have sex like a normal person. So, instead of dilating, I pre-treated with the cortizone10 and lidocaine for a good while beforehand and then just jumped my husband. At first I felt some pain because of muscle tightness, but after about 30 seconds that went away and he was able to penetrate just fine with no pain. There was absolutely no muscle pain during, though I did feel a pin-prick pain most of the time on the left side where the vestibuldynia is centered. It was not debilitating though. Even though I technically haven’t reached the “pain free sex” status, I think this is a huge accomplishment regardless.

And that is how the past two weeks have been. Is there anyone else on the forums that has/had vestibuldynia?

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Congrats!! That is so awesome!

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Thanks Dr. Pacik!

Day 7/Day 6 Post Procedure.

This morning’s dilation went well. I managed to fold and put away laundry while I dilated and the pain was minimal. There was only some discomfort when moving around into different positions. No dilation tonight, instead I’m sleeping with the #4 and will resume dilating tomorrow evening.

With my work and school schedule getting back on track, my weekdays are usually very busy and hectic. Since I seem to be at a plateau with pain and whatnot, I will be posting updates only once a week; sometime during the weekend.

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Day 6/Day 5 Post Procedure.

Today went a lot better. Even though I didn’t sleep with a dilator in last night, dilating this morning was back to low pain numbers. I split the ‘2 hour’ recommendation between morning and evening this time. 50 minutes total this morning, and 50 minutes total tonight. #6 had the most pain with a pain score of 4. After awhile the pain went away and it was just uncomfortable. I don’t know if it’s because they’re glass, but they instantly want to slide out (even with panties on) so I’ve been having trouble finding ways to position myself where they stay in and don’t cause pain. My husband and I also decided to try intercourse again, thrusting included. It seemed mechanical and I still felt pain (I’d say a 3) and I kept having a stabbing sore pain on my left side where my ovary or kidney would be. Come to think of it I forgot to mention that in my daily log. Otherwise all went all.

If there’s any post procedure readers, do you have any recommendations for keeping the dilators from sliding out? Or special panties to buy that work wonders for this? I’d like to eventually not be completely immobile while dilating.

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I’ve been thinking about starting a tumblr blog and copying over my forum posts to that with tags for vaginismus and such. Haven’t quite decided the best way to go about doing that though. What to name it, whether I should just copy my daily journal posts over or write different blog posts over there, etc. Once I’m ready to go to the obgyn I also plan on leaving those brochures and telling him about the book.

I have been more open in the past six months than I have the past 5 years. Only my parents and husband knew until last summer when I told my best friend. I also told another good friend tonight. I think I plan to be more open about it, but the fear of them judging/using that information in malicious ways kind of holds me back. We actually had an instance with that right before our wedding. My husband had told one of his supposed good friends about it a few years ago and he in turn tried to use it to break us up just days before our wedding.. that’s still fresh in my mind.

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Day 5/Day 4 Post Procedure.

This morning went really well. I had next to no pain with any of the dilating and I managed to get an hour and 45 minutes in. Tonight started out okay, but as I moved up I started to feel pain again. That made my anxiety flare up a little bit since there was hardly any pain earlier and now there was. Thinking I might have overdid it? Taking a break from sleeping with one. We’ll see how tomorrow goes.

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WOO! Go Haley! Just think, it hasn’t even been a week yet. How crazy is that? My original post was a bit long too, but I think detailed accounts like this will help others debating with the decision. Well worth it.

I am curious though, how open were you/are you about going through this? You mentioned telling your sister-in-law, and it just made me wonder. Very few people are aware in my life, but the ones that are filled in are definitely supportive.

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Quote:

Quote from haley.rid on January 24, 2014, 00:50
Things are going great here. Dilating has been easy, and even a fun process! It makes such a huge difference to have such a supporting husband which I’m sure you’re aware of. Can’t wait to keep reading your updates 🙂

Hi! That’s awesome that you’re having an easy time with it! Having someone to support you and go through this together does help a lot. We’re lucky to have such amazing husbands (: We’ve made such great progress in such a short amount of time, it’s surreal. Keep me updated!

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Becca – Thank you for the feedback! I’m so happy this is helping you. I hope it helps others as well. I’d also recommend Brother’s Pizza while you’re there. SO GOOD.

Day 4/Day 3 Post Procedure.

My day has been very exhausting. I didn’t have time this morning to do any further dilation past sleeping with glass #4 and despite just wanting to pass out tonight, I managed at least 45 minutes of progressive dilation. Even though I wasn’t able to dilate this morning, the overall pain tonight was improved. Little to no pain with glass #4 and glass #5. I did feel non-painful muscle spasms with the #5 in. Same when I had the #6 in, which had a lower pain rating of 3 tonight. I only felt the discomfort from the left side with #6 in. When I put glass #4 back in to sleep with, there was no pain at all. It was a little painful on that left side trying to sit down to write this post, but leaning back to take the pressure off made it go away.

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Definitely normal. I think it will depend on your anxiety level. My anxiety was literally 0 the day of and so I decided to be overzealous and attempt on day one. As long as you feel comfortable progressing, I’d say go for it. If it’s not successful, just be sure to have the mindset that it’s okay and you’ll just have to work a bit longer to reach that point. And if it is successful (first of all yay!) just remember there might be times later on where it won’t be and accept that it’s just a little setback. I just had the procedure Monday, but I’ve already caught on to why everyone says the first two weeks are like a rollercoaster. I wish you luck in February!

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Day 3/Day 2 Post Procedure.

If day 3 is suppose to be the worst, I guess it’s not too terrible. Dilating this morning went perfectly fine. It was about the same as yesterday. Spent the day relaxing and took a drive along the coast. Tonight I did my dilating and it was a bit different. The glass #4 went in fine with some initial pain on the left spot. Glass #5 was about the same. Glass #6 hit a higher pain number, but if I didn’t move no pain was felt. The higher pain did cause a little bit of anxiety that I haven’t felt until this point. Being a bit overzealous and wanting to conquer this as best and fast as I can, my husband and I attempted penetration again. Honestly, it was a weird feeling. Something similar to feeling swollen on the top but having the bottom feel like a bruise being pressed on. Not sure why that might be. I have glass #4 in right now to sleep in and it’s pressing against that left spot making it feel rather uncomfortable. Really hope that will work itself out. Either way we’re still a lot farther along than we have been in the past five years. That does give us hope.

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Day 2/Day 1 Post Procedure.

Holy mackerel! I’m filled with so much excitement right now. Let us start from the morning.

I woke up after sleeping with the glass #4 dilator and felt perfectly fine. I took a shower with it in (wore panties so it wouldn’t just fall out and break on the tub). After getting ready for the day my husband and I headed to Dr. Pacik’s office for the day after counseling. Removal of the glass dilator was super easy. Walking and sitting with it in throughout the day was also tons more comfortable than it was yesterday.

During the counseling session, we had breaks to do some progressive dilation in the office to make sure we could handle it on our own and if we had any questions. The bleeding I had from yesterday was completely gone today. There was a little (literally two spots) of spotting when I first removed the #4 glass, but after that there was nothing. I managed to get the #5 glass dilator in without any issues. The #6 glass went in fine, but it was very uncomfortable and I took it out after only twenty minutes.

The counseling helped a lot and answered a ton of questions. Found out that a problem spot on the left side (something I’ve known is a trigger point for the stinging burning sensation) is still prone to that stinging/burning. This could very well be a vestibulitis point and finding out that was still present was a bit discouraging and worrisome.

We left the office without any dilator in place, and I gotta say the break from having something inside was great.

Later in the evening I started to do my evening dilation to write up the daily log for Dr. Pacik. It was a little something like this:

I started with glass #4 for 15 minutes, pain was a 1/10. I had no anxiety at all tonight during dilation.
Went to glass #5 for 15 minutes, pain was a 2.
Went to glass #6 for 15 minutes, pain was a 5. (size #6 is similar to the size of my husband)

After awhile of having #6 in, the pain disappeared. I’m guessing this was due to the lidocaine/surgilube I used. Because of that, I felt a little ambitious.. and me and my husband attempted actual penetration. He went in easily! All I felt was some soreness but that disappeared once he was all the way in. Took maybe 15 seconds. We stopped at just insertion and stayed that way for about five minutes. No pain on removal.

I am perfectly aware this could be because of the lidocaine, but I’ve used lidocaine in the past and it was still too painful for penetration. I contribute tonight to be a major success and it has given us so much hope that this treatment will finally cure me from the pain I’ve felt for years.

I’m currently typing this with glass #4 in, which I plan to sleep in. I should note that the stinging/burning on the left just came back about ten minutes ago when I started writing this. It’s not terrible, but it is noticeable. I’m hoping that will eventually go away at some point as well. Also, to note, I did not need to take any advil today.

Overall, today’s been a good day.

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My reasons for delaying treatment were mostly financial based. After going through every treatment imaginable, I wasn’t sure if the botox would work, and if it didn’t work, I would be out so much money (cost of treatment + flying across country + hotel stays + car rental, etc.) So there was the fear of failing again and the major financial setback that delayed me. However, remembering I’m 25, married, and want kids pushed me forward to getting the treatment as soon as I possibly could.

vg, if it helps to know, you won’t even remember the procedure itself. I just had the treatment this morning and fifteenish minutes later I woke up not even sure if I had it done yet or not. You won’t feel any pain during it and the staff is there for you the entire time making sure you’re comfortable and doing okay.

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