Procedure on 1/20/14!!

[haley.rid]

I am 3 days post-procedure, and I just want to say what a positive experience it was for me and my sweet husband. We had such a great time getting to know Dr. Pacik and his staff, and the other patients as well (Hi Ashley and Elizabeth!).
Our one year anniversary was that Saturday before, so we took a trip to Boston, saw some sights, and splurged for our annual Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse dinner. Being from Utah, we were used to the snow, but not the cold! The humid cold goes straight through you no matter how many layers you’re wearing… Sunday, Ellen came to our hotel room, and we finished up paper work, had some good laughs, gave me an anti-nausea patch (which I forgot… but didn’t end up needing), and she answered any last minute questions we had.
Monday, we were up bright and early, and I was strangely calm. The days and weeks prior, I was much more nervous. When we arrived at a cute house (I expected an office building of some sort), we saw Dr. Pacik’s sign, and were greeted by Lynn, the surgical tech. She took us upstairs to a consultation room, and we went over my file with Dr. Pacik. After putting on the shoe covers and cute hair net, Caleb (my husband) and I went downstairs where I changed into my gown and socks. At this point I was getting a little more nervous. I met the nurse and anesthesiologist who were both so pleasant and easy to talk to. Then, the IV. I wasn’t a huge fan of that part, but it all happened so fast I barely even remember it. The drugs they give through that IV make the discomfort well worth it 😉 Caleb and I were laughing and talking with the staff, which eased my nerves. When it was my turn in the operating room, I laid down on the bed, got in my stirrups, and started my deep breathing before the Qtip and finger test. That was the part I was dreading the most. The Qtip test resulted in no pain, and the finger exam went much more smoothly than I expected (though I barely remember it. The anesthesiologist was very aware of my emotions, and gave me some happy medicine right away as soon as he sensed I was getting more anxious.) The next thing I remember was waking up in my bed in the recovery room in my own panties. I was so confused. I woke up pretty easily and I guess said something inappropriate about penetration. I don’t remember that part. I remember having to pee really bad, taking off my panties, and seeing the dilator! It didn’t make me nauseous or anxious or anything! The nurse helped me take it out, then put it back when I was back in bed with ease. She did some turns and ins and outs, then Caleb and I practiced taking it in and out. That was the best. I never thought I could do that before, and especially let someone else do it! We gradually moved down to the size 5 and then 4. I do have the say, the most painful part for me was the hour or two after the procedure, leaving with the #4 in. When we finally got back to the hotel, I slept off the pain with the help of some Tylenol, woke up for a couple hours, slept for a couple more hours, woke up and watched a movie, took some Advil PM, and slept the rest of the night with #4 in place. I did take it out to pee right before bed, and it went right back in easily.
Tuesday, we arrived at the office and immediately dilated up to the #5. It was easy! That was a great confidence booster. After some counseling, we dilated to the 6, and things got tough for me. I thought I would try the glass 6, but I think emotionally I wasn’t quite ready for that much change. After about 5 minutes of trying and some frustrated tears, I tried the blue silicone, and it finally did go in. That only lasted for about 10-15 minutes, so I knew I now had a goal to reach with the glass #6. (I did get it in today:)) The counseling was great, and Caleb and I both learned a lot. Dr. Pacik knows his stuff! I’m grateful to have a DVD and papers to take home, because there’s no way I would remember all that good advice. I would suggest counseling like that for any couple! To finish, we made some purchases, glass dilators included which are awesome! They are much easier to walk around with, and just all around more comfortable. And then we said our goodbyes and were on our way!
So far, dilating has been a great experience, and even kind of fun with my husband involved. Quick shout out to him: Caleb was so helpful and supportive, I seriously couldn’t have gone through that experience without him! He continuously tells me how proud he is of me and how brave I’ve been. He helped me set up my daily log, and is quick to remind me when it is time to dilate. This has brought us closer together emotionally, and I can’t wait for it to bring us closer physically 🙂 He is being very patient with me in that area also. I think once the 6 is a little more comfortable, we’ll go for it.
I’ll keep you all updated on my future progress! I got a little long-winded, but it was such a great experience, I couldn’t not share all the details. Thanks again to Dr. Pacik and his staff! I would highly recommend this procedure to anyone who may be on the fence about it. Thanks also for all the support on the forum! It’s such an easy, non-threatening way to talk about this hush-hush topic. I’m hoping that it will be talked about as much as infertility or erectile dysfunction in the near future! I did talk to my sister-in-law about it today who is a nurse, and she said that through her entire reproductive course in school, she never once learned about or even heard of Vaginismus. I’m hoping to find the best way for me to spread the word and help those women suffering in silence. Can’t wait to read more success stories!

[zenely]

WOO! Go Haley! Just think, it hasn’t even been a week yet. How crazy is that? My original post was a bit long too, but I think detailed accounts like this will help others debating with the decision. Well worth it.

I am curious though, how open were you/are you about going through this? You mentioned telling your sister-in-law, and it just made me wonder. Very few people are aware in my life, but the ones that are filled in are definitely supportive.

[haley.rid]

I know! The progress has been incredible!!

As far as my openness, it’s all family. Of course in the beginning I had no idea why we couldn’t have sex, and I talked to my mom about it because we have had a great relationship my whole life. Caleb, also frustrated and concerned talked to his mom about it, and in turn eventually our families ended up being informed. At first it was really hard and embarrassing and even awkward at times, but it has been a great support since we determined it was Vaginismus, and we scheduled the procedure. I’m so thankful that Caleb told his mom because she was the one who came across Dr. Pacik’s book! I’ve still been very vague with everyone else (friends, classmates, extended family, random citizens, etc…) about our mysterious “anniversary trip to Boston in the middle of the winter” just because it is such a private part of our lives. I’m still looking for the best way to spread the word about Vaginismus. It’s not something I want to post on facebook and have everyone involved in my sex life.

Have you thought of or found any great ways to tell people? How open have you been able to be? Do you plan on being more open?

Has anyone else had any good/bad experiences sharing their story of Vaginismus?

[zenely]

I’ve been thinking about starting a tumblr blog and copying over my forum posts to that with tags for vaginismus and such. Haven’t quite decided the best way to go about doing that though. What to name it, whether I should just copy my daily journal posts over or write different blog posts over there, etc. Once I’m ready to go to the obgyn I also plan on leaving those brochures and telling him about the book.

I have been more open in the past six months than I have the past 5 years. Only my parents and husband knew until last summer when I told my best friend. I also told another good friend tonight. I think I plan to be more open about it, but the fear of them judging/using that information in malicious ways kind of holds me back. We actually had an instance with that right before our wedding. My husband had told one of his supposed good friends about it a few years ago and he in turn tried to use it to break us up just days before our wedding.. that’s still fresh in my mind.

[Heather34]

Hi Haley. Huge, huge CONGRATS on your procedure. I teared up reading your post and it is so, so AMAZING!!!!!

I think it is beyond wonderful that you both have been open about this. For the entire time that I had it, I had a very difficult time being open about the condition and just shared it with my hubby and the doctors we visited. About 4 months following my procedure, I did end up sharing it with my closest girlfriends. I wanted to share a few threads with you about the topic (see below). Also, it is such a great idea to leave brochures about the condition and this treatment as well as sharing the book. In earlier posts, some members have provided even their parents a copy of the book and said “this is me” and it helped them to communicate about what they either were going through or had gone through with vaginismus.

Speaking of your secret
http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=587.0&threadsubs

To tell or not to tell (discussing vaginismus with girlfriends)
http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=90

Talking to your friends
http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=707

[Nakitalab]

So very happy for you Haley!

[haley.rid]

So…. we were able to achieve full penetration last night for the first time ever!!! It wasn’t really planned, but I had dilated as usual before just in case. In the past when my husband would ask,”should we try?”, I would always get anxious and tense, but last night I was all for it! I have felt super confident dilating with all the sizes, so that definitely played into my new found confidence in bed. At first, I felt the usual stretching and kept asking if he was going in straight. After about 5-10 seconds he told me that he was all the way inside of me. I was shocked! I really had no idea. We both were so happy, it brought tears to my eyes as we just smiled at each other. It feels so amazing to consummate our marriage (and also to rid ourselves of technically being virgins). We’ll have to put Feb 7 down on our calendars to celebrate another wonderful anniversary. It’s so amazing how Botox has saved my marriage. Thanks again to Dr. Pacik and this Forum filled with constant love and support!

[zenely]

CONGRATS HALEY! I’m so happy for you guys! That is definitely an awesome accomplishment.

[Janet Pacik]

We are so happy for you and thank you for posting. I agree with you that the VaginismusMD Forum is wonderful with its constant love and support. The Forum is such an important part of our Botox Treatment Program.

[Heather34]

Woooooooooooooh!!!!! Huge, huge CONGRATS Haley!!!! This is EXCELLENT!!!!! :):):):)

[Dr. Pacik]

I am REALLY happy for the two of you. It was a joy having you as part of the group that made astounding progress. You can smile as you celebrate your “sexversary” coined by Heather http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=603

The common thread of almost every patient that I have treated is concern about judgment and feelings of shame and being unworthy. It is so important for you and the others to continue to share your thoughts. They give definition so that others can understand their own feelings and concerns.

I have been invited to write a chapter about vaginismus in a new book to be published about female sexual dysfunction. I plan to include an accounting of all the negative feelings associated with this condition. What types of negative feelings have the others experienced?

Thanks so much for posting. I wish you continued joy as you blossom.