[Marianna162]

Hi CeeGee and Leena,
I just wanted to comment quickly on going through treatment without a partner. I had a bit of a dramatic situation in that my then-boyfriend and I broke up two days after the procedure. I will say that I no longer felt pressured to succeed quickly, and I think things went much better for me without that pressure from him. I followed the usual dilation schedule that Dr. Pacik tells his patients (I did let him know that I had broken up with my then-boyfriend and therefore my situation changed, but was told to continue on like normal), and had absolutely no problem with transitioning to intercourse when the time came. CeeGee, as far as your question regarding dilating immediately before sex, I can only speak to my own experience but I didn’t and was fine. However, I must stress that everybody is a case by case basis, and even though I don’t dilate right before, I do dilate that day still.

[Marianna162]

Hi there,
I didn’t want to talk to my parents about my condition, either. I needed them to watch my dog, though, while I was in New Hampshire. I ended up talking to my mom (who is an old fashioned, traditional Greek woman), who then talked to my dad. I stayed strictly with the medical aspect of the condition, though- no pelvic exams, pap smears, and inability to use tampons. I think it was shocking enough that my mother didn’t even think to ask about the sexual aspect of it, and she knew it was a bit upsetting for me to discuss anyway. My father later pulled me aside and said whatever he could help with financially he would.
My dad tends to research any medical matters, and I did give them Dr. Pacik’s name, so they may have drawn their own conclusions regarding my sex life, however never mentioned it, and I’m a month out from the procedure and we haven’t discussed it.

(Edited to mention that when I decided to go for broke and tell my mom, I was on my way to a night class I was taking, so I did have an excuse to end the conversation before I got too emotional about it. Hate to say it, but having an escape plan might be useful!)

[Marianna162]

Hi Savin!

I can completely understand the turbulent emotional state! When I realized I had vaginismus, I turned into a wreck. It’s such a lonely thing to go through, and really just made me feel like a shell of my former self. I’ve had numerous medical procedures done in the past (bone issues), and think I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but couldn’t handle the pain I put myself through during intercourse or pelvic exams. Nothing I tried actually worked. I was lucky enough that I live only about an hour from Manchester and was able to go in December of this past year for treatment, and although it’s a continued progress, I’m amazed at what I’m able to do now.

One of the things I did find comforting was this forum. Vaginismus is just such a secret. I’ve discussed what I went through with a few friends since my procedure, and none of them had ever heard of it (and one is a nurse). Even finding information on the internet is difficult, and there are some people who just say terrible things, too. So I was really glad to find this and the forum, and I actually look through things on it frequently.

I wish you all the best with your treatment! 🙂

[Marianna162]

Hi there,

I actually recently went through Dr. Pacik’s treatment (almost a month- December 15th). It’s really worked wonders for me, and I’m still shocked at times at what I’m able to do now. Before that, I was an emotional and mental wreck, thinking I would never have any control over my body and what was happening. Prior to his treatment, I did try different lubrications, topical anesthetics, anti-anxiety medications, muscle relaxants, and dilators from vaginismus.com. None of those worked for me, but I have read of others who are able to progress with dilator programs and PT. I just wasn’t able to.
If you do end up deciding to go the Botox route, I had a very good experience at the clinic and felt like it was a very well put together program.

[Marianna162]

Thank you! I definitely feel a lot better about myself since the procedure. I think vaginismus is something you never expect to get- mainly because it’s never discussed. I’ve spoken with a few of my friends more about this since the 15th, and none of them even heard of it. I’ve had plenty of medical issues over the years, but nothing impacted me emotionally like this did. It pretty much consumes you. I definitely felt broken, inadequate. I spent all of my free time trying to research ways to “fix” what was wrong with me. I’m amazed at what I’m able to do now, and I feel like I’ve definitely begun to regain my sense of self and confidence.

[Marianna162]

Just wanted to quickly say thank you for all of the help! I am 4 days post procedure now and am completely floored by what I’m able to do. I actually feel like I have control over my body again and am extremely hopeful for my future. Also wanted to say that I thought the counseling on Monday and Tuesday was very informative and beneficial, and also that Tracy was so helpful and reassuring on Monday. I’ll admit to having a bit of an emotional episode late Monday, but definitely felt so much better leaving the clinic on Tuesday. It was also great being able to talk with the other two women who were there and not feel quite so alone. Thank you again!

[Marianna162]

Good luck! 🙂

[Marianna162]

Hi Missa,

I’m so sorry you feel like you have to give up. I do know the discouragement feeling very well. I give you a lot of credit for even attempting all of the ways to treat vaginismus that you’ve tried. Maybe a loan would be an option, like 23years said? I know I’ve seen it written places that insurances are covering more procedures now, too. I do hope that you don’t give up. I’ve read your posts in other threads, and just from going through this myself, I know what a toll it takes on you. I feel like I’ve been through the wringer, emotionally, and my self esteem basically got shot. And I certainly understand the toll-taking on a relationship. You do, as 23years said again, deserve to overcome this though. Hang in there!

[Marianna162]

I actually debated back and forth over whether to tell them. My mother especially tends to worry (as I’m sure most moms do!). And it’s also something that is difficult for me to discuss. Once I scheduled my procedure, though, I did have to explain somewhat, as I have a dog that I wanted to arrange for somebody to watch while I’m in New Hampshire.
I actually explained it way you (Dr. Pacik) suggest. I left out the sexual intercourse part completely (although they may suspect it, I don’t know), but it was much easier to discuss when just focusing on that as opposed to how sexual intercourse feels. My parents took that much better, I believe, than they would have if I mentioned the sexual problems as well, and it was easier for me to discuss it that way as it felt less emotional.

[Marianna162]

Thank you Heather! It helps so much hearing from people who have been successfully treated- gives me a bit of hope!

[Marianna162]

I understand. It’s definitely something you don’t understand unless you’re going through it. Other than my boyfriend and doctor, the only people who know are my parents (once I scheduled the procedure) and one other friend. None of them had ever heard of it before. I pretty much end up crying whenever we talk about it. I’m really hoping this procedure works.

[Marianna162]

Thanks Janet! I’m pretty much counting down- looking forward to starting the New Year off with a brighter outlook.

[Marianna162]

I understand how you feel, too. It’s unfortunate that this is a topic that is so rarely discussed. It’s a very lonely condition to have. I first began having sex about a year ago with a man I was dating at the time. The first time was very uncomfortable, but after that ok. We had some very unpleasant experiences, however, and sex became more and more painful. I finally left him (not due to the sex, but an array of other reasons). When I started dating my current boyfriend, I was completely shocked when sex was uncomfortable with him, too. It wasn’t a level of arousal or anything like that, I just had no control over my muscles. It’s the burning, hitting a wall, legs shaking (not in a good way), feeling. He’s been very understanding, but it completely crushes me. I’m not a very dramatic or overly-emotional person, but I cry all the time over it. I also feel extremely guilty, because one part of me knows that I wouldn’t leave somebody because of a condition like this, but another part thinks I’m being selfish by expecting him to stay with me if I can’t provide the physical intimacy that I know he looks forward to. We are able to achieve penetration when I’m on top, however it takes a good amount of time for my muscles to relax enough. I don’t know if it works because I feel like I have more control in that position (my unpleasant experiences were not in that position), but it still just kills me emotionally.
(On another note- I attempted dialators, but freak out too much. Also I’ve never used tampons- not out of avoidance, just never bothered buying any. And although I know this is medically not great, the first pelvic exam I had was after my bad situation (I got lazy about going to the doctor when I attended college), and my doctor said I probably just needed to relax.)
I’m scheduled for December 15th, and I’m very much looking forward to it. I know typically 3 people are scheduled a day, which I think is a great idea because it is such a lonely thing to go through.

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