Thank you so much all sorry i forgot to turn the email notifications on. Reading through the forum helped me feel a little less broken and alone and hopelsss. Finally went back to a gyno, started trying to dilate again and set up physical therapy. I would really like to try the botox but gyno says my muscles are too tight even to try that. So ill be doing physical therapy first and was also prescribed a compound cream that i hope will be more effective than lidocaine which did not help me. Based in the forum im also going to try different dilators.
It was helpful to talk to a gyno who has treated vaginismus but she did a quick exam just with fingers and she had fake nails on and immediately applied a lot of pressure. So naturally i tensed up quite a bit..she also recommended trying to use my own finger but that is something i really am unable to do. Hoping trying the silicone dilator will help. Thanks again everyone
