[jkennedy]

I just had a pap smear last month, Heather. As the previous poster mentioned, I dilated before going to the appointment, which helped a lot! So a few hours before I drove to the appointment, I spent that time relaxing and using the dilators to get comfortable.

In addition to that suggestion, I also wanted to mention that it’s a good idea to get into a good, relaxed headspace before going. Literally, the entire day of my appointment I made sure that I felt relaxed and wasn’t stressed. I was able to manage my stress and anxiety level by doing yoga, meditating, and clearing any stressors from my to-do list. I think the combination of dilating and being in a relaxed, calm mood helped tremendously. Much love for your appointment. Let us know how it goes! You’ve got this!

[jkennedy]

Hi Macgomes,

This is such a good question! I did not go through the Maze program. However, I have been using a Pelvic PT. My pelvic PT suggested that I get my partner involved at home when I’m using the dilators.

So, I did that for the first time last week. He has never come with me to a Pelvic PT appointment, though. When we worked together with dilators, I first showed him how I was using them (because up until this point, I did it by myself without showing him). For the next step, I had him use the small dilator and insert it inside of me. I talked him through going slowly and pausing when I asked him to. We worked our way up to the next two size dilators. I had been using the dilators for a good 3 months before we did it together. It definitely was a good experience as I felt I had to give over control to my boyfriend and I had to work on being open and receiving.

Let me know if you have any other questions about this. Wishing you much love and blessings on your journey.

[jkennedy]

So sorry to hear this, Sunflower!

I completely understand exactly where you are. I’m 38 and just now starting to get over my vaginismus. I’m glad you’re out seeking answers and support for your journey.

One of the big things that I did that was helpful was to learn to relax. I had so much anxiety around inserting anything that my muscles were tight. So, even before I worked with dilators or anything, I learned to relax my mind AND body. I started doing deep breathing, yoga stretches (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pKly2JojMw), and reducing my daily stress.

I also felt I had anxiety at the sight of a dilator. So, I started to desensitize myself by keeping the first few sizes out so that I can see them. Eventually, I got used to seeing them and used to the idea of them being inserted. So, anything that made me anxious, I worked to lessen that anxiety.

Lastly, when I did start dilating, I made my dilation a self-care routine. So, instead of jumping right into dilation, I would take the time to make sure I was completely relaxed by stretching, taking a nice shower, laying in bed and deep breathing, and reciting positive affirmations. I had to make sure my body was relaxed before inserting. And, once you do use the dilators, ensure that you have lots of lube on them.

I hope this helps! Let us know how it goes. I know it’s tough, but I believe in you and know we both can get through this!

Jennifer

[jkennedy]

Hi AlleyRenee,

So sorry to hear about your frustration. I wanted to comment because I’m on dilator #3 too and found it a bit more difficult than the previous ones. Here are some ideas to try that worked for me:

1. I always start off with the smaller dilators first. So, I start with #1 and then work my way up to #3. It helps to get the muscles and tissues to relax and prepped — and my mind.

2. When inserting D3, it’s important to take it very slowly. Think baby steps. Start off by adding a ton of lube if you’re already not doing that. Then insert it into the opening and see how that feels. Once you’re feeling comfortable, very slowly begin inserting it further. Whenever you hit a tight spot or a place that’s uncomfortable…stop. Keep the dilator there and just concentrate on relaxing the muscles. You may want to do deep breathes. But, just keep the dilator there until you feel fully relaxed – no need to rush it. Then if you’re doing kegels, practice doing the reverse kegel. So, contract a little and then relax/buldge out, ensuring you’re not tightening. Once fully relaxed and you’re pelvic muscles are relaxed, I found that I could insert it a bit further. Keep doing this technique…insert, relax, reverse kegel until you’re able to insert it all the way. It took me a few baby step rounds in order to get it all the way in. Also, if it doesn’t work the first time, don’t give up. Try again. It took me a couple of times to finally get it in! Once I did get it in, I kept it in for 5 minutes and then inserted it again (using the same technique above) 2 more times for 5 minutes each.

3. Also, are you relaxing before doing your dilator work? I have an entire “Me Time” routine that I do before dilating. I do yoga stretches, a hot shower, deep breathes, sometimes affirmations, and then a body scan to see where I’m tense. I do all of this to relax myself before I do the dilators. So, if you don’t have some sort of routine beforehand, it might be a good idea to incorporate a few things to make it a special time and one that’s relaxing.

Keep on celebrating the small victories! That’s really going to pull you through. Just think about how far you’ve come on this journey. Hope this helps. Let me know how it goes. Wishing you love and blessings on your journey.

[Author]

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