Problem with inserting even smaller diameters

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    Hi everyone,

    first I apologize for bad grammar, English isn’t my native language.

    I am so grateful I found this forum, I’ve always felt like a freak because of my problem 🙁 and now I see I am not the only one suffering.

    I’ve always had such fear from penetrating anything, that I never even tried inserting anything into my vagina, even the thought of penetration made me panic (after years of counselling I don’t know why I have such fear).

    I am in a loving relationship for many years and I am so blessed because I have a partner who supports me. Now I have grown old so much that the time frame for having children is closing. Before I never thought of having children, but now I think I want to. And now I am in complete panic not knowing how to fix my problem – before it’s too late.

    I bought vagi-wave – tried to insert it but was to painful (diameter is only about 0,5 inch). I though I would start with something smaller – the tip of a brush 0,2 inch diameter, but it still hurts. I was able to get brush tip in only about 0,5inch and now further. I ended up crying because I am so dissapointed and scared that I will never be able to do it :(.

    I don’t know how it’s supposed to feel. Does it suppose to hurt really really bad and you just force your way in? And that it gets better? I don’t know if I can force myself to do it. Is it possible that the pain is bigger because I don’t push at the right angle?

    Has anyone had that tight muscles and was able to insert dialators?

    I would be so grateful for any tip and support …


    So sorry to hear this, Sunflower!

    I completely understand exactly where you are. I’m 38 and just now starting to get over my vaginismus. I’m glad you’re out seeking answers and support for your journey.

    One of the big things that I did that was helpful was to learn to relax. I had so much anxiety around inserting anything that my muscles were tight. So, even before I worked with dilators or anything, I learned to relax my mind AND body. I started doing deep breathing, yoga stretches (, and reducing my daily stress.

    I also felt I had anxiety at the sight of a dilator. So, I started to desensitize myself by keeping the first few sizes out so that I can see them. Eventually, I got used to seeing them and used to the idea of them being inserted. So, anything that made me anxious, I worked to lessen that anxiety.

    Lastly, when I did start dilating, I made my dilation a self-care routine. So, instead of jumping right into dilation, I would take the time to make sure I was completely relaxed by stretching, taking a nice shower, laying in bed and deep breathing, and reciting positive affirmations. I had to make sure my body was relaxed before inserting. And, once you do use the dilators, ensure that you have lots of lube on them.

    I hope this helps! Let us know how it goes. I know it’s tough, but I believe in you and know we both can get through this!



    JKennedy, thank you so much for kind, encouraging words and tips.
    I wish you all the best on your journey.


    Jennifer’s advice here is fantastic – SO much about treating vaginismus is about unlearning the fears and anxieties surrounding penetration, and relaxation is a great way to reacquaint yourself with your body. It’s also really normal to hit some major roadblocks at first if you try to dilate straight away. Dilation works for some people and not others – personally, my vaginismus was too severe for dilating to work at all without the aid of the botox treatment, and a lot of other women need the assistance of pelvic floor therapists or even regular talk therapists before they can make progress. If you feel like you can’t make progress with dilators alone, I strongly encourage you to do some reading here on the forums or on the internet about other methods of treatment. There are so many options out there!

    Also, dilating should NOT feel extremely painful – if it is, your muscles are likely still spasming significantly when you insert something. The feeling of dilating successfully is one of what I would describe as discomfort – your vagina isn’t used to having something in it, so the muscles will feel sore and can burn from being stretched, but the pain should NOT be shooting or stabbing in its intensity.


    Sometimes the fear of penetration is so overwhelming, that it can make your pain perception even worse.

    This is why the botox procedure can be so helpful for those with severe fear of penetration as well as muscle tension.

    We aim to connect the mind and the body through the procedure, so you are able to mentally and physically accept penetration.


    I have had botox treatment four weeks ago, I am not sure if this is normal or not but when I dilate I feel soreness. Pain out of ten is three but I thought with botox this was not going to happen. Any advice would be really appreciated


    Hi Hatuey

    Have you followed up with your provider about the soreness. It can be normal to be sore with the dilating after botox. The botox keeps the muscle from spasming, but those muscles are still tight and need to be stretched daily and that can feel like soreness. Of course, I can’t tell without an exam to say if it’s normal or not. So I would follow up and if everything is ok, keep working. It takes some time, but things will get better.


    Hi Hatuey – just wanted to reiterate that soreness is a normal part of dilation training, but it’s very important to understand WHICH kind of pain you’re having so you can know if things are going correctly. General soreness is normal because you’re working out muscles that aren’t used to being worked – if you’ve ever taken up a new athletic hobby and found your body tired and fatigued after the first time you exercised, you’ll be familiar with this concept. Your muscles are preparing to accommodate what’s being demanded of them and will not always feel this way once they’re stretched out from being so tight for so long.

    If the pain you feel is sharper or more acute, that is a strong reason to see a doctor, but soreness is part of the healing process!

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