[elliotte]

We were fortunate that our insurance covered Dr. Pacik and his office. His practice was in our insurance network! When we had our procedure done, a wonderful lady named Diane Tremblay filled the insurance for Dr. Pacik’s office. She was awesome! She made sure that we would get as much of a refund as possible. We had to pay up front for the procedure, but in about a month, we got our insurance reimbursement. After going to Manchester, and meeting the wonderful staff, I would have paid for the procedure regardless if the insurance covered or not. The work that they’re doing is remarkable in my opinion.

[elliotte]

Hi millkait. My wife and I were also married when we realized she had vaginismus. In my opinion, It would be hard to tell you exactly when is the best time to discuss the situation. However, I think that 2 weeks in the relationship might be a little too early. Allow time to build trust and see how he handles smaller issues. I would think that the people with whom you share this with would be people who you KNOW WITH OUT A DOUBT have your best interest at heart. Can you say that about him in a matter of weeks? When you feel that there will be a life long commitment by the both of you before you are intimate, then it would be a great time to talk about it. But only you can decide that. So many times, people become sexually active in relationships before there is a real commitment; as in marriage. Its unheard of now of days, but it has always been the best way. Just my 2 cents. I wish you the best in your journey to overcome vaginismus!

[elliotte]

That was such a nice post. Thank you Dr. Pacik. Its funny how much you forget when your in the moment. I had not just stopped and thought about what all we’ve been through. It has really been an uphill battle! But we still got a lot of fight left in us. I just cannot accept failing as an option. We just have to patiently work through the emotional roller coaster she is on right now.

[elliotte]

Hi Nakitalab. I would like to add to Coffee post. Even though she would have thought the anxiety would have lessen, she has made huge progress! Ellen really had to work with her to dilate when we were in Manchester. She would not let me do it the first 2 days after the procedure. But before we left Manchester, I was able to dilate her with Dr. Pacik. Ever since that day, she has made progress everyday. For example, in the office, we had a system of her holding one leg and I would hold the other. We did that for a couple of days. After that, she just opened her legs on her own. I never have to touch her legs now, just hold her hand. I let her know if she has them open enough so it will be comfortable for her. Sometimes she needs a few moments, but she ALWAYS dilates. Another example is that at first, she would take about 5 to 10 minutes to insert the dilator, now it takes less than a minute. We used to have to start with the #2 silicone, now we start with #4 glass. And now, she is sleeping with the #5 glass with plans to go to the # 6 glass in about a week! We talk about this a lot, but I wish my wife would celebrate the success she is making and just know that the rest will take care of itself. I can’t imagine the level of anxiety she is going through. But I am committed to to be whatever she needs me to be to help her overcome this. I’m sure your husband feels the same way. It is very surprising how much you can feel through the dilators. I can feel when she is tense. I will ask her to do a kegel. Or I will just wait till the muscles in her thighs relax. And Even though her vaginal muscles are getting loose, we still go slow so she can be as relaxed as possible. Ellen was and has been a HUGE help. They have coached me every step of the way to help Coffee and I get to where we are today. Dr. Pacik has also gave me lots of tips on what to do. Everything I’m doing is what they have showed me, told me, or I observed them do. And they will do the same for you and your husband. The next few days will clear up a lot of your concerns. I know you will progress at a pace that will be great for you and your husband. I encourage you to stay the course. In this race we are all winners as long as we don’t give up.

[elliotte]

For us, I dilate my wife every night. It is day 31 for us and she is working with the #4, and #5 glass with low levels of pain and anxiety once it is in place. The reason we do it this way, is that her anxiety is still very high before we dilate. But everyday she is making progress. This week the plan is to start on the #6 glass. My advice from the male point of view is that it does bring the couple closer! It is a great way to build trust, and it also allows her to communicate about how she feels. It helps me to understand a little bit better whats going on mentally as well. Then we can talk those things out and continue to develop new plans to overcome those issues. It is indeed a voyage, but im very happy that my wife trust me enough to help out. I know that each situation is different, but if both people are patient with each other, it will allow both people to draw closer to each other.

[elliotte]

Thanks so much for your kind words and help. You guys don’t know how much it means to have help with this!!!

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