[anonymous123]

I feel like I have/ had a very similar situation to you. I am 19 years old and going to be 20 soon. When I was 15 and wanted to go swimming at a pool party, I decided to attempt to use a tampon. To my surprise, I could not even put the slightest amount of pressure on the OUTSIDE without stinging and burning. Fast forward a few years- I have the best boyfriend in the world who was also extremely sympathetic to my condition. When I was 16-17 and with him, a few months into our relationship we both felt ready to have sex. However, my vagina was not very cooperative. I figured I was tight and shook it off as nerves because I was in denial that anything could be up with my vagina. I felt it was necessary to see a gyno to have a second look… and it was the most terrible experience of my life. Similar to you, my gyno was unsympathetic towards my pain and discomfort. She literally started laughing thinking that I was “all in my head” and “being paranoid.” I switched gynos THREE TIMES. I began to feel hopeless. After about two years in my relationship, we gave up on penetrative sex and stuck to oral, it killed me though. I knew we both wanted to advance our relationship and engage in penetrative sex. I highly suggest MAZE Women’s Health because they are amazing, clearly, but I did not go to them and still was cured.

I found a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor therapy, which is correlated to vaginismus. The crazy thing is that this condition is so consuming that I started to feel sorry for myself and disgusted with myself. The moment I turned that mindset around and seeked physical therapy and began talking about my issues on this forum, I made a total 180. Through stretching, breathing exercises and slow progress with dilators, I am now cured.

I suggest the following: if you can make the trip to MAZE that would be great. They will evaluate you mentally and physically and give you hope and compassion which is really all I needed in terms of starting the process of treatment. If you cannot get to MAZE, I would research a local physical therapist who can specialize in pelvic floor therapy. Practice the exercises and breathing techniques and then slowly progress from there. It is not an easy journey, and I know you have had a tough time up until now and I am so sorry for that, but there is hope. Take it from me who literally would get faint and lightheaded during exams. You got this, and we are here for you!!! Please reach out!! I believe you and so does everybody here:)

[anonymous123]

Hello everybody,

It has been almost a month since my last update. Last time I posted, I was having a tough time transitioning to sex after being very successful with dilators. I took all of your advice and after a few weeks of practicing and exercising what you told me to do I was able to have sex!

I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I cried (tears of joy of course!). Yes, it did hurt but my boyfriend is a God sent and is so understanding. Every 30-60 seconds he would slowly try to move a little further until he eventually got in. I was in a lot of pain at first with any and all movement so he slowly got me used to the feeling.

I am proud to say that now after multiple trials of these extremely slow attempts at sex, I am able to enjoy it. I feel so accomplished and so thankful. I have come such a long way from when I first posted that I was feeling disgusted in myself in the fall. I want to thank everybody for their support and words of encouragement. Without this forum I do not think I would have ever found the courage to take the first step, which was to open up, talk about, understand, and acknowledge this issue.

I am truly thankful for all the advice, guidance, support, stories, and feedback all the women here have shared. I have successfully completed the treatment I needed and now will look to support women who are feeling hopeless… just as I did several months ago.

THANK YOU! I MADE IT!
-anonymous123

[anonymous123]

You are so right! I have had a ton of emotional baggage with him in terms of this condition. However, I feel so comfortable with him so the thought of me not being able to do the things I do on my own with him makes me sad.

I will incorporate him more into my everyday dilation schedule (since he’s so good with everything) and hopefully progress will be reached through that.

Thanks again!!

[anonymous123]

recessivegenequeen,

Thank you for your advice! I too did not sleep well when the dilator was in, so it’s a relief that sleeping with them is not going to make or break my progress! The muscles are super sore in different positions but it is getting better and it’s literally been 2 days.

You are the best thank you for your continued feedback!! I appreciate it more than you know!

[anonymous123]

Thank you so much for your feedback Melissa! I will keep you updated!

[anonymous123]

Jennifer,

Thank you for your words of assurance and encouragement! When I try different positions, I am experiencing a decent amount of burning and semi painful feelings… even on the smaller dilators! Is this normal? I read on some other posts that some woman sleep and or keep dilators in them throughout their everyday activities… is this helpful and/or something you would suggest? Does it lead to more dramatic or faster results?

I will definitely use your advice and keep going! No rush or urgency with the questions, I am just thinking out loud.

Thanks again!

[anonymous123]

recessivegenequeen,
You are so right! A month and a half ago I could not even imagine getting a pinky finger in and now I feel empowered and accomplished by being able to use dilators! Definitely felt impossible then and now I am feeling that anything is possible. I will definitely work on what you suggested. I am happy to hear that a penis will feel more comfortable than the dilators because they are softer. Thank you for your continued support and encouragement!

[anonymous123]

Sks823,

Thank you so much for your constant support and excitement in my breakthroughs! I am not going to lie, the penetration “fail” was a bit of a setback in terms of my confidence. However, I am relieved to hear that multiple people experienced the same thing when it came to switching from dilators to penetration.

Your tips are super helpful and I will definitely try both! Obviously it is not the most comfortable situation to ask my boyfriend to dilate me, yet I am so lucky that he is so supportive and tries his best to make me feel normal about the situation.

One last follow up question, I have a dilator set of 4… do you think it is worth buying more sizes that move up in intervals a little slower and worth having more dilators/ sizes like an 8 pack? Let me know your thoughts!

Thank you all- wonderful people apart of this forum. Again, so thankful to have found it!

[anonymous123]

Hi Jessica,

I relate to this more than I can express. I am 19 years old and my mom does not understand either, and it made it very difficult. I had to schedule and find physical therapists on my own and work it around my college schedule. It has been a rough few months considering I was just diagnosed in September. I went to physical therapy and it was a hard for me considering they could not even get a sense of what areas were bothering me because I was so uncomfortable and anxious that I too would leap off the table. With that said, I got a list of exercises, breathing techniques, and bought a dilator set that went a long way for me. I recommend you buy dilators just to see where you are at. Even if you cannot get the first size in, DONT PANIC because that was me 4 weeks ago, but with patience and relaxation it eventually moves slowly. Like very slowly… It took my 10 different tries to get the first one in.

Keep us updated. This forum got me through a lot of issues and confusion. I do not think I would have the confidence that I have now without it.

[anonymous123]

Hi guys, I haven’t said anything in a few months but I figured I would update everybody on my progress. I went to a physical therapist who specializes in vaginal muscle tightness and pelvic floors about a month ago. She gave me a list of exercises which seemed pointless considering that I am “an extreme case.” However I tried to be optimistic and strictly stuck to the stretches and exercises.

Amazingly enough I found a lot of success through them- particularly the breathing exercises. I moved onto dilators because I was feeling very confident. Although the first few tries were similar to my past experiences, the third or fourth try I was able to get half of the smallest dilator in! What may seem simply pathetic to get excited over considering it is probably the width of a tampon, it was simply progress! Something finally began to move forward and it was a huge and emotional milestone for me.

Now, a month later, I am on the third size dilator out of the four in my set of dilators. I went from making huge jumps in my progress to slowing down a bit but I continue to use them everyday.

Here is my question for those out there that have a similar experience and/or have been through the dilator therapy/exercises. When my boyfriend attempts to penetrate me, with a few fingers or with his penis, it is like I am back to square one. I am still so tight when he tries… is this normal? I thought that I made such great progress in getting entire dilators in me only to be in the same situation with him that I was in months ago. Any and all feedback, suggestions, and stories will be greatly appreciated!

Thank you all for reading and responding. I know it sounds silly but this forum makes me feel so comfortable and normal 🙂

[anonymous123]

cat123,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I have recently broken up with my boyfriend, after a two year relationship, because of my discovery that I have vaginismus. I completely relate to the decision of “dealing with the issue separately” because we too thought this and that it was the way to go.

The fact that he cheated on you is terrible and I am so so sorry. As people with vaginismus, I feel like everybody could relate to the guilt of not being able to have sex. The fact that he cheated on you does not help at all with the problems you are going through and I am so sorry. I also cannot believe that another girl would have the audacity to text someone that… it is beyond me and I am so sorry.

Hang in there. I know that you have probably heard this a lot since this happened and it does not seem like it now, but you deserve so much better. The fact that he did not support you and cheated clearly shows the type of person he is. I am so sorry and hope you are doing okay. Please keep us updated because we are here for you!

[anonymous123]

*uncurable –> not curable.

[anonymous123]

Sks823,

Your words and motivation have made me feel so much better about myself. Your similar story and significant progress also gives me hope. It sounds so ridiculous, but I thought that treatments were not completely full proof and not curable for all cases. Because of my severity of not even being able to use a tampon, I thought I was incurable. I am scared and anxious, just as you were, to call and make appointments because I am so uncomfortable. However, you are right, I will be making an appointment because I CAN and WILL do this. Thanks again for the advice and empowerment, I really needed it. I will keep you updated!

[anonymous123]

thank you again recessivegenequeen for talking to me about your story and recommendation. I appreciate it more than I can express. Also thank you Helen F for the recommendation! I will be calling this week and will get over my fear of taking the first step! I will keep you guys updated since you have positively influenced me to not be scared or ashamed to take the first step.

[anonymous123]

Hello recessivegenequeen, your words and story gave me hope, which is the first time I can honestly say that. I have bought dilators and attempted to get even the smallest size in and failed miserably. Therefore, I think the botox you described may be the route for me. Who do I talk to if I want to be looked at to see if I qualify for this- who did you see? I appreciate everything you have said and the light you put at the end of the tunnel for me!

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