Sleeping with Dilators/ New Position Tips

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    Hello everyone,

    I have seen a lot of progress since the beginning of my dilator journey. However, when I transitioned to have sex with my boyfriend I was back to square one. It was as if I had made no progress at all. I was a little discouraged and confused but read that a lot women experienced this when switching from a dilator to a penis. With that said, I read a few things that people recommended on other posts and wanted to ask a few things about them.

    First, I read to try new positions rather than just sitting or lying down. When I try different positions, I am experiencing a decent amount of burning and semi painful feelings… even on the smaller dilators! Is this normal? Two, I read on some other posts that some woman sleep and or keep dilators in them throughout their everyday activities… is this helpful and/or something you would suggest? Does it lead to more dramatic or faster results?

    Thank you to anyone that provides any sort of advice as I continue to keep going!


    Some women do find sleeping with dilators especially helpful. If this is something you would want to try, I would recommend getting the glass dilators, as they are much shorter than traditional dilators and more comfortable to sleep with.

    I would also recommend a dilation session right before having intercourse. Use the largest dilator, keep that dilator inserted up until right before your partner would penetrate. You can have him remove the dilator and then he can insert his penis.

    I have also found that if you partner is any bigger than the largest size dilator you are using, he might still cause you pain. I always recommend dilating with something that is bigger than your partners penis.


    Thank you so much for your feedback Melissa! I will keep you updated!


    Anonymous123, I answered some of your questions in a different post just a few minutes ago, but I also wanted to add that the transition from dilating to sex can be rocky just because of the emotional component! Often in your relationship with your partner there is a lot of emotional baggage (past disappointments, guilt, frustration, and so on) and even if you two are in a good place with things there can still be subconscious associations that put stress on you, especially if this is something you’ve been looking forward to for a long time (which you surely have been!)

    Dilating is a controlled sitation and sex often isn’t, so I recommend you try to blend those worlds. If you haven’t already, try having your partner insert the dilators – you know what this will feel like since you’ve inserted them yourself, but it helps you practice letting go of some of the control in the encounter. Inversely, be the one to take control in sexual attempts so you can feel your own agency (and your own ability to say stop if you need to). I hope all this helps! Let us know if you have other questions!


    You are so right! I have had a ton of emotional baggage with him in terms of this condition. However, I feel so comfortable with him so the thought of me not being able to do the things I do on my own with him makes me sad.

    I will incorporate him more into my everyday dilation schedule (since he’s so good with everything) and hopefully progress will be reached through that.

    Thanks again!!

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