New Here… Feeling Disgust in Myself

[Jennifer Dembo, LMSW]

Anonymous123 – congrats on getting this far! It is not unusual to feel both triumphant with dilation and then less than comfortable when it comes to a sexual encounter with a partner. My best advice is to remember that each session, whether with a dilator or finger or penis, is going to be different in at least some way. This creates opportunities to try a different position, do some breathing exercises, put on some good music, experiment with more lube, etc. Mix things up for maximum comfort and control. You’re doing a terrific job – keep on keeping on!

[anonymous123]

Jennifer,

Thank you for your words of assurance and encouragement! When I try different positions, I am experiencing a decent amount of burning and semi painful feelings… even on the smaller dilators! Is this normal? I read on some other posts that some woman sleep and or keep dilators in them throughout their everyday activities… is this helpful and/or something you would suggest? Does it lead to more dramatic or faster results?

I will definitely use your advice and keep going! No rush or urgency with the questions, I am just thinking out loud.

Thanks again!

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi again anonymous123! It’s VERY normal to feel burning at first even with the small dilators – this is the muscles stretching in ways they’ve never had to before. Consistency with dilating every day is the best way to get your muscles used to penetration and starting to see results.

I tried sleeping with dilators in but didn’t do it for very long just because I felt like I wasn’t sleeping well (I’m a stomach sleeper and based on the angle it’s impossible to sleep with a dilator in on your stomach). I would say that a lot of people find it beneficial to sleep with a dilator in, but in my opinion it’s not worth it if you’re getting terrible sleep. You can still make great progress by sticking to a consistent schedule every day. I also did a bit of the walking around while dilating stuff and it felt kind of weird but was manageable. Whatever makes dilating consistently easiest for you is what I’d recommend!

[anonymous123]

recessivegenequeen,

Thank you for your advice! I too did not sleep well when the dilator was in, so it’s a relief that sleeping with them is not going to make or break my progress! The muscles are super sore in different positions but it is getting better and it’s literally been 2 days.

You are the best thank you for your continued feedback!! I appreciate it more than you know!

[recessivegenequeen]

Yes, more than anything vaginismus treatment should look like what you NEED it too – everybody is different. And yes! It’s crazy how quickly progress can happen. Keep it up! You are doing SO well!

[anonymous123]

Hello everybody,

It has been almost a month since my last update. Last time I posted, I was having a tough time transitioning to sex after being very successful with dilators. I took all of your advice and after a few weeks of practicing and exercising what you told me to do I was able to have sex!

I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I cried (tears of joy of course!). Yes, it did hurt but my boyfriend is a God sent and is so understanding. Every 30-60 seconds he would slowly try to move a little further until he eventually got in. I was in a lot of pain at first with any and all movement so he slowly got me used to the feeling.

I am proud to say that now after multiple trials of these extremely slow attempts at sex, I am able to enjoy it. I feel so accomplished and so thankful. I have come such a long way from when I first posted that I was feeling disgusted in myself in the fall. I want to thank everybody for their support and words of encouragement. Without this forum I do not think I would have ever found the courage to take the first step, which was to open up, talk about, understand, and acknowledge this issue.

I am truly thankful for all the advice, guidance, support, stories, and feedback all the women here have shared. I have successfully completed the treatment I needed and now will look to support women who are feeling hopeless… just as I did several months ago.

THANK YOU! I MADE IT!
-anonymous123

[recessivegenequeen]

Anoynmous123, CONGRATULATIONS! This is huge! I can’t believe how fast and how well you progressed, but that’s often how it happens once we’re able to begin confronting the problem. I’m so glad you’ve had a supportive partner along the way and are building the sex life you want for yourself. It’s such a gratifying thing and you’ll be so glad you did it for years to come. Good luck with everything and enjoy the results of your hard work – you earned it!

[Jennifer Dembo, LMSW]

Congrats on your progress and courage, anonymous123 – keep up the great work!!