New partner

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    I’ve been treated for vaginismus over 10 years ago, and afterwards I have been able to have sex with my husband without any issues for many years. Two years ago we broke up.

    Recently I met a new partner; and when we tried to have sex it hurt. A LOT. The problem is: his penis is on the large side.

    I’ve found back my old dilation set and I can easily insert the largest one, so that’s not the issue.

    When I’m on top during sex, I can control the speed and the depth and that seems to help, but he needs more and faster stimulation in order to have an orgasm. So we’re basically stuck here.

    Are there larger dilation sets for these cases? Or are we, as my best friend said, sexually incompatible?


    I think there *are* limits, especially for vaginismus patients. But I’d rather let someone else comment on this one.


    Hi Samantha – thanks for posting, and I’m sorry you’re having such a frustrating problem! I eventually stopped dating the partner I was seeing when I got treatment for botox and am now dating a man with a larger penis, so I know what you’re talking about.

    I think part of the conversation is whether his penis is just SOMEWHAT larger than what you’re used to or if it seems impossibly large. Dilators come in many sizes so I think you could definitely find something larger and work your way up. But also it’s worth noting that some positions are just more intense for women because the penetration is deeper, and these positions may just not work for you personally. For example, being penetrated from behind while you’re on your knees might just be too much intensity because of your partner’s size, or you may need to get warmed up in another position first.

    I think ultimately it will just take some experimenting. I’m hoping one of the Maze clinicians will weigh in here, but I know you can even buy dildos and sex toys at larger sizes and it might be worth experimenting with inserting those objects at your own pace to see how your body reacts.

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