We get this all the time. Women come in to see us and they know that something is wrong with their sex life, but often they are not sure what it is. They feel silly that they can’t put their finger on the problem and that makes it doubly difficult to come to us for help. But it shouldn’t.
Here’s the deal. Sex is complicated. Low desire (not wanting sex) can often be connected to not enjoying sex or not having orgasms. But it can also stand on its own. And people find that confusing.
Avoiding relationships can often be a subconscious way of avoiding sex and then people get confused about which is coming first: am I not having sex because I’m not in a relationship, or am I not in a relationship because I’m avoiding sex? Not enjoying sex can be a result of pain but pain can be an independent factor. Feeling avoidant or uncomfortable around sex can be a result of limited experience and a lack of information, but it can also be that you avoid sex because of a bad previous experience or trauma. You might feel stupid about it and incompetent about sex because you really have very limited experience. You get the problem. With sex, perhaps more than in other areas of our life, our physical make-up, our personal histories, past experiences, our mythology, education and our confidence all play a role. Often it’s hard to see the forest for the trees and even harder to find the path through the forest.
But that’s what we are here for at the Center. We get that. We see our job as helping you to define all the issues, outline the problems and prioritize them in a way that makes sense to you. So please don’t feel like you need to figure out all of that before you come see us. We really get it when you say “I’m not sure what the problem is.”
We get it and we can help.
