I have been struggling mightily recently with a spate of Ultra-Orthodox women who are completely desireless…I mean totally, completely. Almost asexual. I told my husband the other night that I am embarrassed to admit it but I sometimes despair when I’m working with these patients. We help, but it’s such a struggle. Sometimes I feel like I’m clawing my way up a canyon with nowhere to catch an initial holding. It’s almost like some of these women grew up in an emotional vacuum and they don’t even know what they are looking for. It’s crazy. And I feel so powerless. They look at me and say “I want to want sex. Make me want to have sex.” But then they don’t want to be touched, kissed, stroked… nothing.
But it all gets back to the big question of where desire comes from. Can it be totally shut down? Is it partially learned??? It’s definitely party physical because it does seem that the really problematic ones are all really, really thin. So maybe if you have some normal hormones, you can overcome a completely sensate-free existence…but then maybe you still need to be EXPOSED in some way to romance or sexuality to be able to know what you are aiming for.
