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You are not alone! That describes my situation as well… I thought that it was just me.

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My husband and I continue to have successful intercourse, including thrusting, but I cannot seem to let him be in control of the insertion and depth (even though we have had his penis fully inserted). Any suggestions for transitioning from me on top to the missionary position? I was thinking to start by allowing myself to get comfortable with him inserting the dilators for me for a day or two??? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated… Thank you much!!!

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Quote:

Quote from Lou on December 31, 2011, 10:16
Hi, I’m booked in with Dr Pacik in January, feeling nervous about it. I’m worried I’m going to panic / freak out when I wake up with the dilator inside. Did you have the same concerns? Did you find it easier to dilate after the procedure? I find it impossible at the moment and the thought of dilating for a couple of hours a day & sleeping with a dilator is really daunting. Are you still dilating now even though you’ve had success with intercourse? Sorry lots of questions!

Hey Lou!!! I just had my procedure done in December and I felt much of the same way. I was very nervous, shaking, and my muscles were spasming uncontrollably. After I had the anesthesia and was lying in surgery I was still freaking out, but everyone in the room was so incredibly nice and understanding (including my husband). Before the Botox procedure (in surgery) I had one of my classic subconscious freak-outs where I jumped back on the table in order to not be touched. My husband told me that the anesthesiologist had to further sedate me in order to proceed so the doctor could insert a finger to find out which muscles were spasming. My husband and Dr. Pacik told me afterward that even unconscious I was still trying to resist any insertion and trying to pull myself away from them on the table. Funny thing is, I do not remember any of that! To tell you the truth, it kind of made me feel better in a way because that proved to my husband and me that I was not just “faking” it and it wasn’t just an issue that I made up; I wasn’t crazy anymore!!! 🙂 I still laugh about my attempted escape… 🙂 After the procedure I woke-up with the blue dilator in. I was so happy that it was actually inserted that I did not have any time to freak out. After the procedure it was very difficult for me to dilate (I never ended up being able to get the blue dilator back in the day of surgery after I took it out to use the restroom). Dr. Pacik said that I had one of the worst cases of primary vaginismus that he had ever seen; he rated me a 5++ LOL. As a matter of fact, he stated that they could create a 6th level for the severity of vaginismus that I had, but I wasn’t discouraged. I was VERY determined. Post procedure, Dr. Pacik said that my muscles were still spasming (Botox takes a few days, four days I think but it took about 5 or 6 days for the Botox to overcome my muscles spasming, to kick in) and that he could barely fit his finger in my canal. Working with Ellen, I somehow managed to fit the purple in and eventually the pink on the same day as my surgery with my muscles still clamping. I ended up going home that night and sleeping with the purple dilator in (I took Tylenol PM and slept all the way through the night). BTW, definitely bring the donut pillow. Those New Hampshire roads have a lot of bumps even if your driver is paying attention! 😉 I came back the next day and was able to insert the purple and pink dilators with some effort and was never able to insert the blue dilator at the Center due to the Botox not kicking in, but again… I was determined. On the third day, through all the piercing pain, I decided that no matter what that blue dilator was going to go in. After many tears and failed efforts, I got that blue dilator in! :):):) It is all about moving at your own pace and doing what you feel comfortable with. Every day after the third day I have been able to insert all the dilators. On the two week post-procedure date my husband and I were finally able to consummate our marriage (and his penis is bigger than the largest dilator) and a day after our first success we were already moving forward with thrusting!!!! My husband and I continue to progress in our love making. I have even been successful in love making without dilating first! I think that it is important to continue dilating after achieving intercourse so that your muscles can continue to expand and get used to an object being inserted before the Botox wears off (plus it helps to break that neurological connection with being scared and nervous). I have good days and bad days but I am always able to dilate because I do not give-up. And I swore that I was going to be that one person that the procedure was not going to work for… LOL. If I can do it… So can you!!! Oh, and today was my first time EVER wearing a tampon… So if that has not happened for you yet, you can look forward to that as well… MAGNIFICIENT!!! :):):):):) Let me know how you do Lou…. Best of luck!!!! They will be good to you. No worries!

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I am 26 days post procedure and have yet to make an appointment for a gynelogical exam. At what point post procedure did you go to the gynecologist? I am assuming that since it is a fear of many people with vaginismus that it should occur while the Botox is still active. Would that be a good assumption?

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