Daily Question (1/3/12) – Transition from Dilators to Intercourse

[Heather34]

Happy New Year ladies! May 2012 be absolutely wonderful for all of you. I’m very happy to read your posts and think that they will help so many more women to overcome vaginismus.

Today, there is an excellent new blog posted by Dr. P about dilation and the successful transition to intercourse that I would encourage you all to read.

Our daily question coincides with the blog and is about this transition. It is not uncommon to be able to successfully use the dilators but still have some difficulty transitioning to intercourse. For a patient who has tried to transition to intercourse but hasn’t yet been successful, do you have any specific tips? Here, when the hubby and I transitioned to intercourse, I dilated with the largest blue dilator for over an hour prior. I also used a lot of lubricant. I had the hubby gently remove the blue dilator and gently insert himself. He was able to slide right in as I had dilated for so long prior. Also, Dr. P. suggests insertion only with no thrusting for the first time. We did this and then later incorporated thrusting. I would also suggest trying different positions. If one doesn’t work, try another.

Ladies, do you have any suggestions and what worked for you in this transition?

[Dr. Pacik]

It may be helpful to watch gthe YouTube video “Transitioning to Intercourse” http://www.vaginismusmd.com/resources/video-files/ There are many tricks, but the main thing is to dilate for 1-2 hours before. Use the dilator as a “toy”, use a vibrator to help relax, set the stage with favorite music, get erotic (your choice), think of postions of comfort while dilating and use these positions for intercourse, and above ALL have your honey do the dishes that night!! Also have an escape plan. All of you know how to satisfy your honey, and simply accept the fact that it is common not to fully succeed the first time. It can be awkward, mechanical and just not work. Not a problem. Try another day. No one believes me that the erect penis is more comfortable than the large dilator, but everyone agrees that this is true. Just scary in the beginning. Hope this helps. Would love to hear from my veterans. Dr. P.

[Amanda Miller]

This was a huge step for me! Day 8 my husband Kris and I decided that we were ready just to try and see how far we can get. We had already agreed if it didn’t work we would just do what we have been to satisfy each through oral. So I had dilated an hour with purple and an hour with pink(I haven’t been able to get back to the blue but don’t worry Dr P said that was normal and you still can achieve intercourse) we then made sure we had a lot of lubricant, in the beginning this seemed to be very important for me it just makes it easier. We tried for me to sit down on him so I had complete control of the situation however this way didn’t work for me, I was able to tense my legs up so much by having to hold up that it made it impossible. We didn’t give up we just tried a different way. He then got on top of me, this way worked so much better for us. We didn’t do thrust, he just went in and out. He was able to get over halfway in, I was not able to do it long enough for him to finish the first time, bc I became a little sore. But we were very happy with the progress and refused to give up. A few days later we attempted again. This time he was able to go all the way in and we were able to last until he finished. This is something we have wished for years. It was still mechanical and we didn’t try different positions. The next night we tried again. This time we started with him ontop and added a little thrusting and then we were able to switch positions with no problem with reinsertion. It was such an amazing thing for me to go through. We did reapply lubricant each time we switched place just so it didnt get dry and hurt. With the Botox it tends to dry you out more then normal so just add more lube and you should be fine!!! Just take your time everyone takes different times. We eventually want to not have to plan and prepare when we are going to have intercourse so more romance can be in it but we are taking it a day at a time and we are very happy with where we have gotten. Stay positive and good luck!

[Heather34]

CONGRATS Amanda! This was such a great story to read! I, too, agree with you regarding the lubricant and we used this quite a bit in the beginning to avoid any potential dryness. We used the Lidocaine/Surgilube mix for the first couple of times and then switched to normal KY jelly. Now, we’re using pre-seed natural lubricant. Does anyone reading this have any further suggestions on good lubricants to use and ones to avoid??? EXCELLENT POST!

[Dr. Pacik]

I think we should have a seperate topic devoted to lubes. Everyone has their favorites. When should the xylocaine jelly mix be discontinued, how does water based compare to silicone based, what about lubes that create warmth, smell, and which lubes are better for those allergic to parabens? How about some of the oils like olive oil? This could be very educational for all.

[Heather34]

Excellent idea Dr. P. Ladies, we’ve created a new category – Vaginismus Aids. Our first topic discusses the use of lubricants. I would love for you to read this and let me know your thoughts there on the best ones, worst ones, and your experiences with lubricants. I look forward to reading your posts.

[Dr. Pacik]

Two of my patients achieved intercourse today, WHAT A DAY!! 😀 It did get me thinking that some of the easiest first times are in the morning and this seems to make a lot of sense:

If you have been dilating all night with the purple #4, and then move to the pink #5, you are just about ready.
You are relaxed and the anxiety (and fear) are reduced.
Your husband will wake up with an erection, this is very normal. You can take advantage of him.

Any other thoughts? Dr. P.

[<3]

My husband and I continue to have successful intercourse, including thrusting, but I cannot seem to let him be in control of the insertion and depth (even though we have had his penis fully inserted). Any suggestions for transitioning from me on top to the missionary position? I was thinking to start by allowing myself to get comfortable with him inserting the dilators for me for a day or two??? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated… Thank you much!!!

[Heather34]

@ Randa, this is a great question. My thoughts are similar to yours in becoming more comfortable with the idea of this by allowing him to insert the dilators. While in the clinic, I remember Dr. P and Ellen suggesting that my hubby begin by placing his hand on mine while I do the dilating. Later, when I became comfortable with this, I then allowed him to insert and re-insert the dilators himself and this worked wonders to build up my comfort and trust. Then, when we transitioned to intercourse, I allowed him to gently remove the dilator and gently insert himself immediately after. This was a great question and I would love to hear the group’s thoughts, tips, and suggestions???

[Dr. Pacik]

For newly transitioning patients it is common to be doing well with the larger dilators, but the thighs still want to close when transitioning to intercourse. “I need to catch up mentally, to where I am physically” was noted by one of my patients. This is so true. TIP-try “doggy style” (after dilating for at least an hour). It is less likely your knees and thighs will be out of control in this position.

[Heather34]

Hi Dr. P. This is a great suggestion. I had the most severe form of vaginismus and this “leg-lock” always seemed to happen with both oral sex and intercourse. We immediately tried doggy-style and it doesn’t happen at all in this position. It physically can’t! Also, because I became so comfortable with this position, I developed more and more trust with the hubby. Now, the “leg-lock” never occurs and we are able to enjoy both oral sex as well as intercourse using several different positions.