[moonismine]

Hi,

To be honest, I think she can’t do much if you can’t do a frequent or monthly visit for the physical therapy.

Don’t blame yourself too much, it won’t help with anything. Some people have get good grades and make their parents proud and they have cancer young. It’s really no one’s fault.

The pelvic floor muscles need to be stretched regularly. If you’re serious about it, you can ask the sexologist to guide you on how to stretch it through exercises that she can show you via a Zoom call and you HAVE to do it everyday for 5 – 30 mins until your body and mind is used to having something in it (it will take weeks and months).

Visiting my sexologist regularly didn’t do much for me because I was not consistent in my exercises. I stopped going.

Botox does not cause disability. It contains a compound that somewhat disables your body from feeling or controlling the muscle so hopefully a penis might be able to enter without causing you pain. Some people get botox on their back muscles to relief back pain. You must not think of it as the same as the aesthetic procedure people use to remove wrinkles. It is also temporary so it might be a quick fix to consummate your marriage but not helpful to enjoy sex in the long run.

[moonismine]

Hey! Same boat here. 5 years in and still have not managed to get over the vaginismus problem.

We went to a sexologist who is an expert in these issues. Gynaes are not specialists and they don’t really know what to do with us, especially if it is not life-threatening.

Went for 6 – 7 sessions of the physiotherapy about 3 years ago where the clinician taught me how to stretch my pelvis area for 15 – 20 mins and then carefully insert my finger in carefully. 1 finger first then 2nd finger. We were supposed to do it ourselves without our husbands so we get comfortable with our own body. No dilators needed.

But we got busy and I didn’t follow-up. So we’re still stuck. No plans on having kids.

My other friend who had it already had a kid. The act of giving birth might help loosen the muscles down there perhaps. I think if you really want a kid, there are many ways to be impregnated without having a penis inserted in you. E.g. use an apparatus to collect the semen then have it inserted in you at a fertility clinic.

That being said, low libido and not having happy-hormones inducing sex can be a marriage killer when you are childless, let alone with a child in the future. So think carefully.

[moonismine]

My sexologist did mention to separate masturbation (includes climax) from my dilation exercises. However, today I found a cool trick of using my clitoral vibrator to distract my muscles in the region. I have always only been able to insert 1-1.5 fingers diameter into my vaginal opening but it has been months since I last did it. I skipped my daily dilation exercises from frustration and fear of dilation. However, I was done feeling sorry for myself so I tried with the distraction today. Surprisingly, I managed to push in 3 fingers fully in. Whenever I felt discomfort, I shifted my position or just counted down from 15 seconds while taking deep breaths. Any burning pain would fade to an ignorable throb at 15-20 sec point mark. Inspired by such progress, I decided to try and mimic “thrusting” movements and managed to climax. After that, I calmed myself down and I kept putting in more fingers till I had all 5 fingers in (not palm/ whole hand) – took me 45 mins of vibration and countdowns. From there, I felt brave and familiar enough of my vaginal opening & inner space limit to insert the 2nd largest dilator in. (which is the average Asian penis girth)

I think that was a bad movement because my dilators are plastic and not flexible at all. I THINK I MAY HAVE BUMPED INTO THE “BACK WALL” shifting around and started bleeding.

Now, I’m super freaked out and have abandoned everything and cleaned up the mess. I’ve washed up, put on a pad and popped a painkiller pill. I’m going to call my sexologist first thing in the morning tmr. I’M SO SCARED I MESSED UP REAL BAD THIS TIME ROUND. ) :

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