[Molly]

Hi Nicole, Kim and Olivia,

I followed you three brave women by a week with my procedure. I am in regular text contact with the other woman from my procedure date, and I wanted to pipe in and share that we both remark how surprising it is that a dilator is uncomfortable after insertion when three days prior insertion of the same dilator was painless.

I recognize that my struggle with vaginismus as a single woman affords me the opportunity to feel encouraged by my progress rather than disappointed by pain, bleeding or any setback. I don’t have a spouse or partner that I feel accountable to for my setbacks. Since I also don’t have a partner to encourage me when I feel like I am regressing, I make it a priority to be kind to myself when setbacks occur, and revel instead at how unbelievable it is that I am capable of inserting any size dilator inside of my body.

Inserting the #5 one day effortlessly, and then struggling for minutes at a time the very next day with the same size dilator really affirms for me that my body is mirroring the same struggles that my self image and psyche are experiencing. The resistance I feel internally (which has been prohibitively uncomfortable only with the #6, I am not yet able to fully insert the #6 glass which I was nearly able to day the day after the procedure) is a message that my life is radically different today than it was ten days ago, and I am grateful for the capacity to experience the discomfort. The discomfort is from a dilator INSIDE of my body. In my mind, the pain is worth the price of admission to a life where I can use thoughtlessly and easily elect to use tampons and FAR MORE IMPORTANTLY have a fully actualized sex life with a guy.

It is a privilege to be struggling with dilation. I am so happy to be alive and in the company of my friends who are coupled off (married, etc.) as I now believe and feel like that is in the realm of possibility for me. It is a joy to be a woman, and I am learning more about what joy looks like with each day. That joy includes my inner vaginal walls letting me know that they are willing to come along for the ride, but until the muscles are stretched and conditioned, they are asking me to be patient and accomodating. If that means dilating down, that’s easy. I am ready (in my head) to get the #6 glass in there as soon as my body is ready.

Last night I was at the home of a coworker with two other couples from work watching the HBO pay per view fight. I spent a greater part of the evening observing how confident and comfortable I was to just be in their company. I did not feel like I was a third wheel, I rather felt like I was a whole person who can also realistically anticipate a partnership with someone where vaginismus is not going to be an issue. It is truly remarkable. This is a big reason why I am already experiencing the successful outcome of the procedure. Intercourse is going to happen, and when it does it is going to be amazing.

We are all prepped by the amazing team in New Hampshire to be remarkable ambassadors for the miracle of botox treatment for vaginismus. Thanks to you for sharing so frankly your struggles post procedure.

[Molly]

For all women concerned with entertaining the prospect of treatment for Vaginismus absent a parnter, I will introduce myself as a single woman who had the procedure on Monday (11/20/2013). I thought my life changed when I made the decision to have the procedure (sometime about February 2013). I underestimated the effect that the procedure would have on both my psyche and especially the way that I carry myself in the world now that I have been capable of dilation. Vaginismus has kept me from fulfilling sexual relationships with men since I was 16 years old. I did not even know that there was a clinical diagnosis of my condition, and believed that as a woman with broken access to sexual intercourse, I would just not be married or involved with someone for the duration of my life. When I googled my symptoms, I came upon Dr. Pacik’s site and immediately completed the contact me form. Within one week I mailed a 50% deposit for my procedure.

I had real fear about executing the post procedure schedule of after care without a boyfriend, but felt for sure that in order to achieve my goal of physical intimacy with a man I had to get this done, and if they (Dr. Pacik’s practice, single women on the forum) advised me that it was possible, I was not going to let fear of failure keep me from trying. The most difficult part of the process is reflecting on the years of my life where I shut myself off from relationships because I felt damaged.

The dilation is easier that flossing my teeth. I had the procedure Monday (11/18)/2013, and today I had to keep myself from over dilating (I have already done 4 hours, and recommendation from Dr. Pacik is 2 hours a day) due to the ease of the process, and how amazed I am that I am able to fully insert something in an area which was previously SHUT DOWN. The dilation is the easy part. I am two days away from the procedure, and I am my gratitude, enthusiasm and excitement continue to build. There is a momentum that comes from the painless procedure which builds as time elapses.

If you are single, don’t let that inhibit your decision to go through with the procedure. The procedure will get you (by means of granting you access to a fully realized sexual practice with your partner) to the relationship that you desire.

This (dilation as a single woman) is not hard. What is hard is reflecting on the lost opportunities to connect with someone because I owned my condition of Vaginismus as a personal failing. Today I dilated with the #5 glass (the largest I have in my possession is the #6 glass) and I was singing along to music to distract myself from apprehensive fear. I continued to do kegel releases and push until I realized that it was fully inserted. It was so easy I was blisssfully unaware that I had completed the process.

[Molly]

Hey Bosox2004!
It’s the other girl from Monday! Awesome blog post about your experience. I had an excellent experience both Monday and Tuesday, and it is an amazing support to be able to text with you my experiences post procedure with dilation and other challenges. I am grateful for having had my procedure the same day as you. You are very brave and we are already on experiencing our successful outcomes. Great job describing how amazing and supportive the whole team at in Dr. Pacik’s practice.

[Author]

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