[kiadenmark]

This forum is all about sharing ideas and tips and tricks and asking questions, so this sounds like a *great* idea Kiala!

One thing that immensely recommend is a tip shared by someone called Blueclouds here on the forum. Lots of vaginismus patients masturbate their partner as an alternative to penetrative sex. After a while, the frequency often goes down and before you know men start masturbating again on their own behind your back. It’s easier, quicker and demands less communication from their side, but they don’t realize they are actually taking away the last intimate piece that connects both partners. So the tip is actually to ask your partner to stop masturbating and literally tell you whenever he is in the mood. This forces him to be open about his needs. You still have the choice to help him or not, but at least there is still a level of intimacy. Some women have tried it out and are as enthusiastic as I am, so I guess it’s something that deserves being on the list here 🙂

[kiadenmark]

Hi there Rachid, thanks for your story. It’s refreshing to read another point of view, and to see how in large parts of the world religion still has a giant influence on someones sexuality.

I think epididymal hypertension is something almost all men can relate to. My husband has this as well, for instance after a long session of kissing and touching each others bodies. He can easily resolve the problem by masturbating. As far as I get it that’s out of the question for you. But as you’ve discovered as well, even when you don’t get relief, your body takes care of business when the pressure gets too high and an ejaculation will occur automatically (either during a nightly dream or during sexual activity). I understand this is not an easy subject to talk about with a partner who has vaginismus, cause it adds an extra layer of complexity on top of the issues she is already dealing with. But l agree we should have the courage to also talk about the issues vaginismus can cause (indirectly) in men.

[kiadenmark]

Usually though, if you really have vaginismus penetration is painful. So I don’t get that part as you seem to have no pain at all?

[kiadenmark]

Not really sure if there is a link, but this is what my therapist told me as well.

[kiadenmark]

Patrick, I adored reading your story and I agree more education is absolutely necessary!

[kiadenmark]

Vaginismus is the involuntary contraction of muscles surrounding the vagina, making penetration difficult (or completely impossible). The definition doesn’t mention a time frame, so I think it’s perfectly possible to have pain free sex when you’re completely relaxed, which can turn into vaginismus whenever you’re feeling tensed. Most pelvic floor therapists also give you relaxation exercises, so I think you might benefit from that.

[kiadenmark]

I wish my own biology teachers would have used this text. At least it’s a correct representation of what the hymen is. When I was a teen, I was told that the hymen is a myth!

[kiadenmark]

Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to answer my question!

@Theresa: I have the same, when I orgasm in the evening that still has an impact on my dilation exercises in the morning, so that’s why I avoid having one. Let’s hope the feeling gets less annoying during the next few weeks.

[kiadenmark]

I suggest you take a moment and read some of the stuff that has been posted here on the forum. You’ll find lots of stories from (young) people dealing with vaginismus.

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