[Heather34]

Hi jsmith13. I’m so, so glad you are feeling better with everything and am so glad you had good and understanding doctors. You have my support 100%! I had very bad experiences like so many women who have had or currently have vaginismus with doctors who did not get the condition at all. Thank God there are good doctors out there like the ones you had,Dr. Pacik who I had and the Maze team in NY. Again, sending you big hugs and my support.

[Heather34]

This is absolutely AWESOME newlywed. Huge, huge Congrats!!!!!!!

[Heather34]

Hi jsmith13. Thank you for sharing your story. Please know I’m thinking of you and you have my full support. Sending you big hugs.

[Heather34]

Hi IDontKnowWhatImDoing! I’m so, so sorry for what you have experienced with the pain. I had pain with any attempts at insertion and visited a gynecologist who was dismissive when I brought up vaginismus; automatically diagnosed me with vulvodynia; and said I had to see a sex therapist before she would try to examine me again. I left in tears. What I find so awesome about the Maze team is they treat not only vaginismus but so many other pain disorders (i.e. vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis) and they can treat them in combination. It’s also so seriously nice that they understand the conditions and you will never be made to feel like “it’s all in your head” like so many other doctors treat the conditions like. Regardless of the term for what you are experiencing, I am so sorry that you have this pain. If you can work with Maze in any way, please do. If not, maybe they can direct you to a gynecologist in your area who is sensitive to vaginismus, vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis, etc. Sending you my total support today.

[Heather34]

Hi Determined. I absolutely LOVE this thread and you have done so, so, so, so amazing!!!! I liked your idea to try the biggest trainer for extra room and stretching and love the results. My hubby and I tried a lot of different positions post-procedure and some worked and some definitely did not. I found that the doggy-style (from behind) position worked the best for us as I was so prone to doing leg lock with the other positions and almost did this involuntarily. We also became really comfortable making love in the spooning type position as well. I, again, am so incredibly happy to read your posts and this thread!!! Sending you big hugs today!!!

[Heather34]

Hi kgilbert13. I’m so, so sorry for what you have gone through with vaginismus and I am so glad you found the Forum. I had vaginismus during my 20s and into my early 30s and did not know where to turn for treatment and the whole thing felt extremely isolating. Please know that we are all here for you. If you haven’t, I would definitely reach out to Maze and work with their team in any way possible. Unlike so many doctors who don’t understand the condition, they DO and know what each of us has gone through or is currently going through with it and how to successfully treat it. I think it’s great that you are able to use tampons. Have you tried using dilators? I tried many different types and like the Pure Romance silicone ones the best as they are a softer material and have handles which I found made it easier to insert and remove. Please, again, know that I am here for you 100% and send you my support today!!!

[Heather34]

Hi C11101. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through with vaginismus and I’m so glad you’ve found this Forum. I overcame vaginismus after having the Botox treatment program. After this, my hubby and I were able to have sex. It took a while and was a learning process until we both really started to get into it and enjoy it. In the beginning, we used the dilators just prior to intercourse. To get over this clinical feeling, we started using a vibrator in place of the dilator and this made it so much more fun plus I felt mentally ready for intercourse as I had dilated with the vibrator. We were able to have sex 2 weeks after the Botox procedure but I think it was a couple of months until we both really enjoyed it and found it pleasurable. It was a learning process with a lot of practice but now, even after the birth of our little one, we are enjoying it again and learning new things about one another.

I also wanted to share a great thread about talking to new partners about vaginismus.

How do you tell your boyfriend you have vaginismus?

There are several great posts but I really like what Vashalla said about it:

“When I first told my boyfriend, I said something like, “Before we go any further (sexually), I want to let you know that I have something called vaginismus. It’s not a disease or anything; it’s just that my vaginal muscles contract, making it very painful for me to have sex.”

And

“Another suggestion if you have trouble saying words like “vaginal” is to say that “your muscles contract so much down there that it makes sex very painful.”

I hope this helps and send you my support today.

[Heather34]

Hi rooddood. I am so sorry for what you guys are going through with vaginismus. I think it is wonderful that you found this Forum and posted and I hope these replies will touch you and your wife and help in some way. Also, so importantly, by reading the many posts it really helps to learn more about the condition and learn tips and ways of overcoming. I had vaginismus for my 20s and into my early 30s and overcame after having the Botox treatment program. I found this the best treatment for me and was able to insert the dilators in for the first time post-procedure without the resistance/burning pain / blocked feeling and later my husband. I had my procedure up in NH with Dr. Pacik. He has retired but trained the Maze group in NY and they do the Botox treatment program for vaginismus as well. Also, very importantly we found, Dr. Pacik and now Maze treat the physical but also the emotional parts of vaginismus. They help to make the difficult conversations easier and talked about. I would be happy to email back and forth with your wife and support her in this way as someone who has had vaginismus and gone through it. This, too, may help get things moving. In addition, I so hope she will also read the Forum and it helps her. Please know you both have my support.

[Heather34]

Hi bs1290. I am so, so sorry for what you guys are going through with vaginismus. I had vaginismus all through my 20s and into my early 30s. I started dating my then boyfriend (now husband) at age 25 and he went through this with me through the age of 34 when we overcame. So many of the things you describe, he also felt while going through this. I would love for her to join the Forum too. I would also be so open to emailing with her one on one as well and just chatting about my own experiences with vaginismus or anything at all. If you think she would ever want to do this, please let me know. I, again, can only speak of what helped my hubby and I to finally overcome. We had 9 years of zero penetration (25-34) and ended up finding Dr. Pacik through me researching “treatment for vaginismus”. He offered the Botox treatment program which included the procedure as well as counseling for the 2 of us after and follow-up. The procedure took about 30 minutes total. It was done under anesthesia and I woke up with the largest dilator inside of me. For me, this was the first time that something was inside of me period and it caused no pain whatsoever. My hubby and I were both in shock. Then, we practiced inserting, removing, and reinserting the dilators of different sizes. I felt so weird involving my husband at first but this was so important to do because for the first time, he could see that something was able to be inside of me and it did go in and did not cause the usual crying tears of pain. He needed to see this and it helped him to realize that when we did have sex, he wouldn’t hurt me either. 2 weeks following my procedure, I used the dilator for about an hour and then my hubby removed and inserted himself and we were finally able to make love. After this, we had to do a lot of work together to learn how to feel sexual again. He still had difficulty initiating as he went from never being able to do this to now being able to do it whenever we wanted and we worked through it and went on dates again. Now, we have a 2.5 year old and, again, have to make the time to do these date nights again. While Dr. Pacik is now retired, Maze Women’s Sexual Health does offer the Botox treatment program and the group was trained by Dr. Pacik. I encourage you guys to think about. This was the one treatment that finally worked to help us overcome. Please know that you have my support and the support of the Forum as does your girlfriend and, although it is so difficult now, please know that it will not always be like this and you guys will overcome!

[Heather34]

Hi guys. As a follow-up to this thread, please check out this awesome Blog from the founders of Vaginismus Awareness Day.

https://www.thevaginismusnetwork.com/blog/

[Heather34]

Hi Bragibbs. I’m so sorry for what you guys are experiencing with vaginismus. I had vaginismus and overcame after having the Botox treatment program. I found this the best treatment for me and was able to insert the dilators in for the first time post-procedure without the resistance/burning pain / blocked feeling and later my husband. I had my procedure up in NH with Dr. Pacik. He has retired but trained the Maze group in NY and they do the Botox treatment program for vaginismus as well. Also, very importantly we found, Dr. Pacik and now Maze treat the physical but also the emotional parts of vaginismus. They help to make the difficult conversations easier and talked about. I would be happy to email back and forth with your girlfriend and support her in this way as someone who has had vaginismus and gone through it. This, too, may help get things moving.

I also wanted to share a story with you from a man who’s wife overcame with the Botox treatment program. He writes: “[M]y wife suffered from vaginismus. We met in college, dated for four years, and then were married for twelve years while we battled with vaginismus. While we “had fun”, we were never able to have intercourse and it placed an incredible strain on our marriage. My wife was tearing apart on the inside, it was tough for me too. My wife was not even able to insert a tampon! We attempted physical therapy, and sat through sessions with psychologists. Nothing worked. We lost hope. It almost ended our marriage too. Then we met Dr. Pacik. He changed our lives forever… I struggled for a way to bring it up to my wife, but it found the courage and did. She went to the website and we were shipped a book … Which we each read cover to cover the day we received it. From both of our perspectives, it was our life to a T. We decided to attempt the Botox procedure. We traveled to NH … Nervous, but excited. Hopeful. My wife was put under and I watched the procedure. Dr. Pacik was able to show me, medically, that vaginismus isn’t a mental condition, but a physical one. She woke up with the largest dilator inside of her. She was tired … But changed. We both teared up … She was instantly empowered. Frankly, it was awesome to see her finally feel like she had control of her body. From that day, my wife practiced dilating every day. Approximately two months later, we had successful penetration. Over the past two years, we’ve made up for lost time. It feels so wonderful to connect with my wife emotionally, physically, and mentally. Oh, and we now have a wonderful six month old son!…”

Sending you both my support.

[Heather34]

This is so, so great and so important to bring back Cathleen. I think anxiety surrounding how to pay for the treatment may seem overwhelming and impossible but by having an open conversation about it and reading stories of other women who had their procedures and were, in fact, covered, it makes it less and less of an impossibility.

[Heather34]

I love reading and re-reading this thread so much. For those reading this right now, I shared a post earlier in the month concerning the Blessings of Botox in 2017:

Blessings of Botox in 2017!!!

If you have vaginismus and are considering the Botox treatment program, please make the call to Maze to discuss their treatment program. For me, having the Botox treatment program was life-changing and had such a positive impact on so many areas of my life (i.e. marriage, birth of our son, etc.). I would recommend it to everyone and would love to talk to you personally either on the forum or through email/phone call if you have any questions at all about it.

[Heather34]

This is an excellent recommendation Helen. In a prior Forum thread surrounding Dilating Frustration, Heather Jeffcoat has written:

“As you are working on getting the largest size pain-free, feel very proud that you are this far and were able to get there on your own. Women often report this plateau on the largest size. You are likely just missing some more active stretching techniques for your pelvic floor muscles, which could be the key to you becoming pain-free. In my approach, I believe that simply inserting a dilator for 10 minutes at a time isn’t the best way to stretch these muscles. Think about other muscles in your body…would you stretch your neck and hold it for 10 minutes? I don’t believe your vaginal/pelvic floor muscles should be treated any differently than other muscles in your body. They will respond quicker if you approach them more like they are muscles (because they are). I’ve outlined a series of stretches you can do, in an order that gets the muscles responding quickly to the dilators, in my book (Thank you for the mention, Dr. Pacik). I’m a physical therapist and use my orthopaedic background to get women’s muscles quickly on a healing path and pushing past plateaus such as the one you have reached. Since you’ve mainly been inserting and holding, there are many other ways you can use your dilators that will likely lead to you achieving pain-free intercourse as well. I would try these out and you will likely achieve your goals.”

Dilating frustration

[Heather34]

Hi Nicole. This is a great topic. Post-procedure, I used dilators in advance of intercourse and the more and more we did this, the more clinical it felt. We decided to try using a vibrator instead (Lelo Liv) and it helped us tremendously to make foreplay much more fun and enjoyable and also helped me to still feel ready for intercourse as I was dilating with the vibrator.

I also wanted to share one of the partner’s previous posts about their experience with using vibrators as a couple and how it helped so much in the transition from dilators to intercourse. He writes:

“Exactly 7 weeks after the procedure we were able to achieve full penetration for the first time (yay!). You probably recall that not long before that we were struggling with the fact that progress was limited on the intercourse attempts – even despite good progress with the dilators. The major hang-up at that time seemed to be continued, intense, anxiety over penetration attempts. This led to difficulties with her physically pushing away and closing off her legs (despite conscious attempts not to), and strong negative reactions that she expressed as pain – but I suspect may have possibly been more emotion and anxiety than literally pain (much like the q-tip vulvodynia test). I had an interesting idea to try to address some of this – albeit rather indirectly. I thought that she may be able to use a vibrator for clitoral stimulation to distract from the vaginal penetration – hopefully minimizing her adverse reaction. It actually worked! We went from struggling with tip only penetration to all the way in – instantly. It was still painful for her if there was much movement, but this was huge progress. Over the next several days we continued this process – only conducting one actual penetration per night, but we left it in longer each time and gently/gradually increased the amount of movement. From this point, improvement occurred very quickly. We have been continuing the same process since then and she continues to improve each time. After about a week, we were able to have intercourse pretty much normally (after using the vibrator to get initial penetration). She has been able to orgasm with and without the vibrator. Additionally, as soon as her next period came about she was able to use tampons with almost no trouble. She now just uses a little bit of lube on the tampon and gets it in with no problem. I see a marked difference in her level of anxiety surrounding intercourse and tampon use now.”

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