New Member – What advice would you give yourself?

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    Hello everyone
    I’m new here as of today and was just wondering for those of you that have had Vaginismus for quite some time – what advice would you give your past self during those first few months?
    Just to expand a little, I’m only in the first few months of my journey and find that sometimes it all gets too much and I’m completely overwhelmed by it all. I obviously try and calm myself by giving advice but it’s difficult when this is all so new to me! So for those of you that have lived with Vaginismus for a while or have even conquered it – what would your advice be to someone who has just found out? Weather this be any tips/tricks or just your own personal accounts, I think it would not only benefit me but everyone else here who is at the beginning of their journey 🙂


    Hi Lilly022, welcome to the forums! It’s great to have you here, especially since you asked such a great and thoughtful question.

    I think if I were able to tell my past self something just after she’d discovered her vaginismus, it would be to be patient with the process. Curing vaginismus takes time. That can be one of the frustrating parts of it, especially since once you’re diagnosed you likely want to get to your new life as quickly as possible, but whether you treat your vaginismus with dilators or the botox treatment or pelvic floor therapy or something else, they’re all going to take time. It’s also so important to celebrate small accomplishments along the way because it won’t be something that happens overnight. You’ll see gradual gains and they’ll build up to huge changes, but it’s important to recognize how hard you’re working along the way, even when you’re just learning more and figuring out what you want to do. Finally, I would encourage you to find someone you can talk about your journey with, whether that’s a partner or friend or family member or even this forum. You’ll have a lot of feelings as you go through this and it’s helpful to have a listening ear as you process what’s going on. I did a lot of journaling during that time of my life but it’s also helpful to have a real person to bounce things off of.

    I hope this helps! Let us know if you have other questions as well, we’re always looking to help out!



    I would 100% agree with recessivegenequeen, as that is the exact advice I’d give myself, especially:

    (1) DON’T GIVE UP! I went at a slow and steady pace & it worked well for me. It’s not a race, because after you get through treatment you have the rest of your life to “catch up” 🙂

    (2) CELEBRATE SMALL VICTORIES! Throughout treatment you’ll realize that things that once seemed impossible or intimidating are now a piece of cake!

    And as she said, being able to talk to someone is huge. I saw a therapist and also looked through these forums and it made me feel much less alone. I also had an actual friend who was going through something similar! Since vaginismus can be a lonely journey (friends being able to talk about and have normal sex), this can really help you through some tough times.

    Again – DON’T GIVE UP or think that you’re the ONE exception that treatment won’t work on. SO many of us were in your shoes and made it to the other side 🙂 It might not be easy but with time and determination you can do it! Vaginismus is SO TREATABLE, it CAN BE FIXED!

    I overcame vaginismus using dilators of increasing size and going to Maze Women’s Health center every couple/few weeks to help me with the dilators (so physical therapy… for those muscles down there). I think that you might feel comfort in reading my success story, as I had the same issues as you and got through dilation therapy a much more confident and strong person – and it was obviously the hugest weight off my shoulders to not feel anxious and worried about sex – I honestly can’t even describe the relief!

    Here are a couple quick excerpts from my post:

    “This comes from me being a very difficult case – I couldn’t wear tampons from the pain/fear, and the thought of dilating with even the smallest dilator gave me immense fear. The physical portion of the first couple appointments were incredibly nerve-wracking; I was prescribed Xanax to take before each following appointment.

    When I was able to move up in dilator sizes every appointment, I felt accomplished and motivated.

    Just wanted to reach out and share a bit of my story. While there were times of frustration and times I wanted to give up, I’m so glad I went out of my comfort zone to make the first appointment and persevere …”

    My post and another success story from someone who had the botox procedure that is mentioned a lot throughout these forums can be found here:

    I hope this helps a bit, I know firsthand that vaginismus is a lonely thing to go through! Definitely look through some success stories on this forum to show you that there were so many of us in your shoes that were able to overcome this. 😀

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