Low Libido Issues – Therapy

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  • #9061
    Nola218
    Participant

    I’ve never had a libido, my entire life. Sex hurt from day 1 when I was 17. I’m 28 now, and I just had my botox procedure in June of 2013. I can physically have pain-free sex now, but I have no desire to. I’ve always hated sex, so I wasn’t going to suddenly crave it now. So long story short, I’m now in sex therapy. I did not have a sex therapist in my area so I am seeing someone via skype appointments. It’s really crucial in my overcoming the emotional distance I feel from sex. I’m starting from scratch to try to build a non-existent libido, but I’m hopeful that my therapist can help me redefine sex so that I no longer have flashbacks of so many terrible experiences.

    #12204
    Dr. Pacik
    Participant

    This is a very important post. Many women struggle with minimum to no libido known has hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Some notice a decrease in sexual desire as they continue to struggle with vaginismus, other can never recall erotic thoughts or fantasies. Some have difficulty with orgasm. Inability to climax is known as anorgasmia. Though Nola was able to achieve pain free intercourse, counseling is now being done to help stimulate her libido. This is an example of something I discuss frequently during counseling that even though women are able to achieve pain free intercourse after treatment, it can still take a while to catch up emotionally as for Nola.

    #12206
    Xynabu
    Participant

    I have thesame problem. I did botox in May 2013 and i can have pain free intercourse but i have no desire. infact i’ve never experienced orgasm in my life

    #12211
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Hi Nola. I think this is excellent that you are seeing a sex therapist post-procedure and so, so helpful. I saw a counselor both pre and post-procedure and found it to be extremely beneficial as well. Please know that we are all here to support you and this is something that so many of us have gone through or are now going through. Sex therapy is so helpful.

    Hi Xynabu. What you describe of lack of desire as well as anorgasmia both often co-occur with vaginismus. Please know that you are not alone at all with any of these feelings. I found a very useful post that I hope will help. It was written by Darcy Donahue, a Sex Therapist in NH:

    “In addition to 70% of women needing clitoral stimulation to have orgasm, its important to remember that there are a lot of physical and emotional connections that need to take place in order to achieve an orgasm. Women who have been dealing with vaginismus often have very negative past experiences and strong memories of pain. Even with successful treatment helping you to have painless penetration, the brain chemistry that holds these “muscle memories” can still make it difficult to “let go” and cum. Heather did quote a very insightful article above, which had some good recommendations for treatment. But more than anything, for the women that I see in my sex counseling practice, it helps to build positive sex memories and to focus on communication with your partner. Using fantasy and connecting sound, touch, taste, smells, and images to the sexual experience can also aid that “letting go”. The images, smells, etc don’t even have to be sexual. If fresh baked cookies make you smile and feel warm and gooey inside, or an image of green grass swaying in a field relaxes you, focusing on those things during foreplay or while masturbating will help to create new “memories” that will start to elicit those same warm gooey feelings with sexual touch. Before you know it, sex and sexual touch start to bring on those same emotions. Knowing your own body and how it reacts to various touch and stimulation are also very critical to helping to share that experience with someone else.”

    #12240
    Nola218
    Participant

    The most important thing to focus on is deep breathing. I realized that not only during sex, but any time my boyfriend would touch me at all, I’d stop breathing. Once I focused on breathing during everything, it helped me to relax a ton.

    #12270
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Deep breathing is a very helpful tip Nola. In our very first therapy meetings, I was taught diaphragmatic/deep breathing and found this so useful for relaxation.

    #12728
    Becca
    Participant

    I was looking for a post on low-libido! So my husband and I were finally able to achieve penetration a little over a week ago. Now he is wanting to attempt penetration often but I just have zero drive for it. It makes me sad! I remember when we were first married I had a really high sex drive and was just so devastated by the vaginismus that we were unable to have the sort of intimacy I craved. Now after so many years like this I just have NO ambition for this at all. I really wish that I did, but it all just feels like work and torture to me. Has anyone else felt that way? I don’t even think its a problem with intimacy necessarily as just a problem with after so long of not having any interest due to being disappointed and frustrated, and now its still not anything fun or exciting, its just work and its frustrating when we can’t get him inserted, so I’m just not interested. Obviously I am still trying to push through, but I think his feelings are a little hurt because he knows (I’ve told him) that I just have zero drive for it. The only reason I’m doing it now is because I know I need to in the hopes of ever having a normal sex life and being able to hopefully have children. Will this improve once we have a more functional sex life? Any suggestions of things I can do to help improve my libido?

    #12732
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Hi Becca. I wanted to share a couple of helpful links with you:

    2 Part Blog from Dr. Pacik concerning helpful tips on enhancing libido:
    Part I: http://www.vaginismusmd.com/low-libido-improve-desire-improve-life-part-one/
    Part II: http://www.vaginismusmd.com/low-libido-improve-desire-improve-life-part-two/

    Libido Issues thread with helpful tips from Darcy Donahue, Certified Sex Therapist: http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=102

    I am so sorry for what you are currently experiencing. Please know that I am here for you always!!!

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