Goals for Dilation?

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    I am wondering if there is a specific dilation schedule that is recommended? I’ve never had the botox procedure. I can insert all of the Pure Romance dilators (on a good day), however my partner is larger than the biggest dilator in the kit and we are unable to have intercourse. I have purchased the largest glass dilator from Crystal Delights, which is slightly bigger than my partner. I haven’t had the courage to work up to that yet, as the largest Pure Romance dilator is still slightly painful to move on from. I dilate on and off, but I feel like I am just winging this and making it up as I go. Then I get frustrated and stop altogether. I see that people sleep with dilators in, but I’m not sure that would be an option for me because I am unable to use dilators when flat on my back or my hips have to be propped up to get the right angle.
    Are there any goals I should be setting for how long to keep dilators in? How frequently should I be dilating? I would like to hold myself accountable to some guidelines and see if that makes a difference.


    Hi SisterGoldenHair,

    Thank you so much for your inquiry. First, congrats on being able to dilate up to the largest pure romance dilator, that is a very large size.

    I think a consistent dilation program is very important in overcoming vaginismus.

    Here are a few suggestions:

    1. Dilation every day for at least 20-30 minutes minimum (some women like to dilate for up to one hour). If you can insert the largest pure romance dilator without prepping with smaller dilators first, I would just go for the largest pure romance, since we will need to transition to bigger sizes.

    2. It seems that you will need to just go ahead and try the larger glass dilators, even if the largest pure romance dilator is still uncomfortable. Some dilators are not painfree until you can insert a larger dilator. So I would insert the largest pure romance, and really move it around, in and out and side to side for a good 20-30 minutes, and then move up to the glass dilator. Even if you can only keep the glass dilator in for a few minutes, the more you continue to penetrate every day with the glass dilator, the better.

    3. If you want to try to sleep with the #4/6 dilator every other night, that can be very helpful for some women. I think it is ok to insert the dilator in the position you are most comfortable in, and then once the dilator is inserted, you can reposition your body to go to sleep.

    4. If you feel frustrated, take a break for a few hours, but then try to go back later that day to dilate. Before dilating try to do some extra relaxation exercises, meditation, guided imagery to help get you in a better mind set for dilation. A warm bath can often help since the warm water will soften muscles. Some patients find having an orgasm before dilation can even be helpful as some women find that helps relax their muscles more.

    5. If you haven’t looked into working with a physical therapist, you might find that extremely helpful, as you are so close. Pelvic floor physical therapists can be very effective in helping release some of the lingering vaginal tension that you are experiencing.

    6. I would also recommend dilation with the largest size dilator right before attempting intercourse, like seconds before penetration of the penis. The dilator should be in the vagina for about 10 minutes, moving is around, stretching the opening, and then you will remove the dilator, and then attempt penetration with your partner right after.

    I hope these tips help!



    Hi sistergoldenhair. Huge CONGRATS on your success with the dilators. These are absolutely AWESOME tips Melissa!!! As Melissa wrote in her last tip (#6), this helped us tremendously while transitioning from dilating to intercourse. I dilated with the largest blue (pure romance) dilator for about an hour and actually had my hubby remove it right before putting his penis in for the first time. It sounds so clinical but it worked for us. We did this for a while when first starting to have intercourse and then we used a similar sized vibrator instead of the dilator as part of the fore-play before he entered. It always worked well as I felt like I was stretched enough and, for him, he knew this was not hurting me. I hope this helps. Sending you support today!!!


    Hi Heather,

    i started dilation 8 months ago but was so emotionally and physically tired that i gave up and now composing myself to restart dilation again…

    Any tips to dilate after long break ? as i feel like never dilated before in life now and starting again from zero.


    Hi Twinkle. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I can entirely relate to these feelings regarding dilating. It can be so emotionally and physically tiring. Please, please know that I am here for you. I, too, had to take a lengthy break from it in the past. When I started back up, I was so nervous but it helped me to start with the smaller sized dilators and with each one, it gave me the confidence to work my way back up to the next sized one. I also very liberally used surgilube at the time and this made it better and more comfortable too. I do not know which dilator set you are using but I liked using the Pure Romance set (silicone softer material and they have the handles which made inserting it and removing it easier for me). Then, after it was created, I have used the glass ones from Dr. Pacik and liked these a lot too as they were shorter in length. The sound of glass to me sounds intimidating and terrifying but once I inserted them, I found them to actually be more comfortable than I could’ve imagined. One possible tip too is to experiment with different dilator sets until you find one or two that you really like and then alternate with these. Some sets even have half-sized dilators. I hope these tips help. Please know that I’m here for you. :):):)


    Heather thank you for your reply and support.

    really nervous , all previous effort is gone wasted and have to start again after long break.

    yes i have Amelie, Pure Romance and Glass dilators in front of me 🙂 wish me courage.xx


    Hi Twinkle. I completely understand how hard this is and the feelings that go along with it. I have felt so similar and it is so, so, so difficult. The one thing that has helped me is to focus on today and know that today is a completely new day and anything and everything is possible. You are doing absolutely amazing and I am so, so proud of you for taking the steps to begin dilating again. I give you courage and support and am here for you 100%. I have never heard of Amelie dilators but just Googled them and they look very good too. I love, love, love the Pure Romance ones as these are the ones I have the most experience with and I also liked the Glass ones too. Sending you all my support today!!!


    Congratulations on beginning to dilate again. I can totally understand your concerns. Agree with Heather-start with the smallest dilator and gradually work your way up to the larger dilators. Be consistent and patient with yourself during dilation. Try your best to relax with deep breathing when you are dilating. Maybe reward yourself with something you love as you move up in dilator size. I am optimistic that this will work for you.


    Just want to echo Melissa’s great point about the role of relaxation and the muscles being soft. It’s amazing how much our bodies hold our nervous energy when we feel pressure for something– whether it’s waiting for test results, being lost on the highway, or even just not knowing where we left our glasses.


    Hi Twinkle. Thinking of you today and hope everything is going well for you with the dilating. Sending you my support. :):):)


    Thank you all for replying , I am really grateful for your support and advice.

    Heather, I am still struggling and trying , and wish not to loose and disappoint myself .fingers crossed.


    I’m here for you 100% Twinkle. Are you having trouble with initial insertion or with leaving them in? I give you so much credit for having the courage to do the dilating. I tried for years and years and had no success. I ended up finding out about the Botox treatment program with Dr. Pacik and had this which changed things dramatically for me. I was terrified that I still wouldn’t be able to dilate afterwards but for the first time, I was able to insert them without the wall of pain/resistance that I had always experienced. I used a combo of Lidocaine/Surgilube in the beginning and very, very, very liberally coated the Pure Romance dilators and this made any stinging or discomfort that I felt go away. Earlier this morning, a woman posted about being prescribed vaginal suppositories of diazepam to help with relaxation with dilating. The Maze team has recently talked about this as well and it sounds like it could work very, very well. (See link to the thread below). Please know that I am here for you and you have my support!!!!



    Heather thank you for your advice , as I mentioned that i am restarting dilation after 8 months therefore have problem with entry muscle, I m using aquagel with it but still really painful.

    I have a long term problem of vaginismus for past 10 years , I have been to doctors and hypnotherapy centres but not helpful,wasted so much time and money in silence.so u can well understand what I have been through entire my life and you can imagine what I m not saying.

    I heard regarding botox and went to the gynea centre to Dr eskander in UK and paid a huge bill 2 years ago but what went wrong that I was only injected botox and was advised to go home and was free to have painfree intercourse. nobody ever informed me regarding dilation programme.
    As after botox I immediately jumped for intercourse hence I was failed…

    Last year when I browsed Dr pacik’s dilators programme ,at that stage , i started dilation on my own for few months but without botox (obvously could not afford it again).I left dilation due to emotional and physical strain in may .

    But through this site I have now so much knowledge, courage to discuss my problem that I have decided to dilate again.
    This site has made me realized that I m not alone and I’m not crazy. Hopeful to fight policy not flight policy this time 🙇

    I m really grateful for your advice so far. Bless you xx


    Hi Twinkle. You have gone through so, so, so much and I am so, so proud of you for doing the dilation again. I am also so happy that you found this Forum and we have had a chance to connect. Before it existed and before I ever learned of Dr. Pacik, I belonged to a yahoo forum for vaginismus. I never had the courage to post there but I read each and every post and felt so glad to be a part of the group and so, so glad to know that I wasn’t the only one on the planet experiencing vaginismus. I felt like I couldn’t talk about it with my closest friends and the doctors that I visited made me feel like it was all in my head and why couldn’t I just relax. If they only knew or took the time to understand vaginismus, it would have been so much better. Please know that I am here for you 100% and I believe in you!!!! Sending you support and hugs today!!!


    Hi Twinkle. Thinking of you today and sending you my support. :):):)

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