Bad feeling?

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    I’m not sure if I should direct my question to the doctors at Maze or to other readers here on the forum.

    My name is Miranda, I live in Italy and I’m 20 years old.

    I’ve been unable to have sex with my partner until now. Penetration is impossible, even with plenty of lubrication. I went to a gynecologist who was unable to perform an internal exam and he told me I had to consult a pelvic floor therapist. This is how I learned I have vaginismus.

    My question is not directly related to my condition, but my hope is it’s something common and that others are dealing with as well.

    Even though penetration is impossible, we’ve looked for other ways to have a more or less acceptable sex life. Usually instead of penetration we switch to mutual masturbation in which I please my boyfriend and he pleases me through stimulation of my clitoris.

    Until now I’ve been unable to have an orgasm (I was told that when you’ve got one, you know, so I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a climax). I do like the build up though, so I actually enjoy the stimulation itself, but what I find incredibly unpleasant is that afterwards I end up with some kind of uncomfortable feeling/cramps in my lower pelvic area, which lasts for several hours. I’m not sure if it is related to my orgasm not taking place or to the fact my boyfriend keeps stimulating me for too long. Fact is: I feel worse after we had sex, so there have been plenty of times lately in which I stimulated my boyfriend but refused the same from his side.

    Is this something you recognize and how can I make sure it doesn’t ruin the already very limited sex life we have now?


    This could still be related to pelvic floor dysfunction. When the muscles inside the pelvis are all really tight and tense, it is difficult for them to function properly, so regular sexual response cycle can be interrupted.

    I think seeking out Physical Therapy treatment is a great idea. Working to learn how to relax and control your pelvic floor will be so helpful in treating the vaginismus, but also can help with pleasure.


    Miranda, welcome to the forums! We’ve had other people bring this up on the forums elsewhere (here’s an example):

    Other women have said they experience major pain and discomfort from being stimulated but not experiencing the release of an orgasm. I think Melissa’s suggestion to work with a pelvic floor therapist is a good one. Also, if you’ve never used a vibrator, that can be a useful tool if you’ve never had an orgasm before – some women, especially those with vaginismus or other issues that make penetration painful, require more stimulation or control to have an orgasm.

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