How to Get Over Sex Toy Talk Anxiety

sextoy2

If you’re a “Sex and the City” fan, you’re familiar with the over-the-shoulder shot of our beloved Carrie Bradshaw sitting at her desk and typing those famous words “…and I couldn’t help but wonder…”.

Well, please indulge my Carrie moment: as I contemplated writing this blog about sex toy talk anxiety, I couldn’t help but wonder: if sex toys – as well as talking about sex – were normalized in our society, would any of this anxiety actually exist?

But because toys (and talk!) aren’t normalized – and instead seemingly mysterious – we have all sorts of notions about them. Some of us have no interest, and that’s just fine! But for those who do, there’s never been a better time to be alive. The variety! The diversity! The texture options! The colors! There’s a perfect toy out there for anyone who wants one. But the thought of introducing them to long-term partners can surely get our thongs in a twist.

So therefore, because we’re human, we “what if?” to Olympian levels. For example, what if our partner:

  • Hates the idea…?
  • Loves the idea but feels too awkward about it too admit it…?
  • Feels inadequate because they think, “if you want a toy, I must not be enough for you”…?

Well then, how to broach the subject? While I could provide a script here, we all know that would be useless, because sexuality is as individual as individuals themselves. Only you know the most effective ways in which to communicate with your partner.

What I can advise is openness, honesty and good timing.

Conversations like these are most impactful during private and calm moments, not when one of you is hangry or at the end of a crappy workday. Just a quiet time when you can express your preferences openly. You might want to note that toys can be used solo, together, or side by side with other toys – there’s really no right way to incorporate them into your sex lives. Lastly, bear in mind that you may need to have more than one discussion, depending upon how your initial chat goes.

Are you wondering how to have the sex toy talk with your partner? Are you curious about toys but don’t have a clue as to where to even begin? Here are a few great resources to get you started:

If you’re struggling with your sex life, whether it be a low libido, orgasm challenges or your hormones are out of balance, contact us for an appointment or a free phone consult. Our team of experts are here to offer assistance, so that you can make informed decisions about having a healthy and satisfying sex life on your own or with your partner.

Picture of Jennifer Dembo, LCSW

Jennifer Dembo, LCSW

Jen Dembo (LCSW) studied social work at Simmons University and has completed advanced training in maternal mental health, perinatal loss, sexual pain, menopause, and challenges for pregnant/postpartum survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Jen has provided support to families for over two decades and recognizes that every parent-child relationship is unique. She honors various perspectives on pregnancy, adoption, assisted reproduction, sexual health, surrogacy, childbirth, parenting, grief and loss. Jen is certified in both labor support doula practice and childbirth education, and has attended births in home, birth center and hospital settings around the NYC tri-state area. She is the former president of the Hudson Valley Birth Network and founding chair of its Social Justice Committee. She is a board member of Birth Education Beyond the Ordinary (BEBO), an organization that provides low-cost labor, postpartum, lactation and childbirth education support to families throughout Westchester County. Additionally, Jen is an adjunct faculty instructor and guest lecturer at the Simmons University School of Social Work where she teaches courses on human sexuality and social work, as well as social policy.
All Posts

A safe and comfortable place to discuss vaginismus

The vaginismus forum at Maze Women’s Health is designed to bring women together. We understand that painful sex, vaginismus treatment, and the subsequent recovery can be sensitive topics, and you should have a safe and comfortable place to voice your experience, opinions, and concerns.

We envision this vaginismus forum as a place for you to introduce yourself, share your personal story, ask questions, and discuss any and all aspects of vaginismus, including our treatment options. We sincerely hope that you find this to be a comfortable place to discuss your struggles and triumphs as you navigate through vaginismus treatment. Talking through these issues with women that have gone through it can make all the difference.

Recent Posts

Categories
Archives

Share article