[Sofia101]

Thanks for being so candid about your personal experience, that doesn’t go unnoticed whatsoever. It was kind of hard writing my post last night because I felt like I was coming off as a woman going through a “hoe” phase and I definitely don’t want any serious relationship right now. It’s just that I’m sick and tired of the little voice in my head saying “haha, you still can’t have sex with them”. Like that’s not even something you say to a guy if you see the relationship heading sexually. The blunt truth is that it scares men away. Especially men that barely know you. In a way, yes, vaginismus helps us see the dating world more clearly and we don’t get sucked into staying in a relationship for the sex and we see it for all the real pros and cons based on solely the individual you’re dating. But it’s still hard.

I’m at the baby stages of my vaginismus in the sense that even my own finger stings at the very entrance, so I don’t try anymore. I’ve had it for what I’ve known to be over two years but I could have had it longer. I started noticing it when my ex and I tried to have sex on multiple occasions, about a year ago, and he was just “hitting a wall” or I was in a lot of pain.

I haven’t bought a dilator kit because I just feel like I know it’s not going to work if my own finger hurts. I don’t even know how to properly use them…I’m guessing I start off with lube at the tip? But how long do I keep trying to put it in? Do I live it at the stinging entrance and do breathing exercises until the stinging goes away? What if it doesn’t go away and it just hurts? Do I still push more? Like how do know if I’m in actuality hurting myself more.

The center here in NY is renowned for treating, and even curing, vaginismus. The testimonials are wonderful and have given me a lot of hope. But the initial visit is close to $300 USD and the same for each of the 7-10 visits. That’s nearly $3,000 that I don’t have an ounce of.

I don’t want to stop the dating because who doesn’t like making out and oral? But if things start getting frisky, how do you even stop a guy and tell him “Hey, I actually CANT have sex”. What do you even say? “I have a condition”? Wrong. Scares them away and they won’t ever talk to you. “I have personal reasons I don’t have sex”? Wrong. It just might turn them off completely and you’ll end up feeling hurt and like you’ve wasted their time.

[Sofia101]

Because I’m torn between whether or not I should date, because it’s just a constant reminder that I can’t have sex, my question to my fellow vaginismus ladies is: if I see my dating with one of these men developing sexually, should I just be up front and honest? Or should I just cut every relation off?

[Sofia101]

Hey recessivegenequeen! Thank you for reaching out to me on my previous posts. I cannot stress enough how happy I was the rest of the day. It’s so humbling thinking about how you took the time to make me feel better about my situation. I thank you for the support! Also, just read your success story and I definitely relate. After reading your response, I have become more comfortable with the idea of seeking treatment and any discomfort I may feel along the way because as you said, treating your vaginismus is the thing that finally ENDS your pain.

[Sofia101]

Hello! New to this website and I absolutely loved that I clicked into this forum as well. I just read the article and here’s the best part in my opinion:

“If sex hurts, many women begin to anticipate the pain, which increases the pain response and diminishes lubrication and libido. If every time I offered you the finest chocolate in the world I hit you with a hammer at your first bite, you would soon learn to dread and fear chocolate. You may also reflexively flinch at the smell of chocolate, or even when I walked into the room, and lose your taste for chocolate altogether.”

This is exactly what’s happening right now. After several painful attempts to have sex, none resulting in actual penetration, my mind and body now anticipate pain, even if I’m willing to try. So, I went to my gynaecologist, where she confirmed it was vaginismus, and in the process of trying to diagnose/examine me, I spread my legs open on the stirrups, I took several deep breaths, my body started tensing up, my leg muscles were tight as they tried slowly closing, my breathing became heavier. She paused and I tried to relax everything again. And once she tried to enter, the pain was just too unbearable I jumped back up in the chair and I started crying so much.

I’ve noticed my libido used to be so high before I really felt like/noticed something was wrong. Now, I feel like my libido has diminished really significantly. I still find my partner insanely irresistible, but this low libido and low confidence/self esteem has bled into how I see myself too. I don’t feel beautiful, sexy, attractive, and most importantly, as confident as I used to. I don’t even masturbate a close percentage to how much I used to. It’s left me self destructive to how I feel about myself. I find it hard to love myself anymore.

[Sofia101]

Hello. This is very foreign to me…and and very scary. Just joining this forum. It’s feeling like a weight lifting off my shoulders being able to open up to a group of people that don’t just say “try red wine”, “just try to relax”, “you’re overthinking it”, or my favourite, “You’ve always been a late bloomer, you’re probably just not ready for sex”. I luckily live very close to a vaginismus therapy centre in NY and my gynaecologist has referred me to them even after I found/researched the centre myself. I’m just afraid to go. I’m afraid of what the process holds. I’m afraid of the pain. I’ve never used a tampon, only pads. I’ve never successful had a finger enter, even my own. Anytime I have tried myself, it feels like I’m hitting a wall. I know..I know. Typical to say with vaginismus, but that’s one of the descriptions that led me to believe I have it, when I read forums. And when I told my gynaecologist, she automatically knew from my other descriptions, it was vaginismus. I had suspected I have vaginismus for a little over a year now. I had once described it to a friend who’s becoming a physician’s assistant and she had said she just learned about it in school and believes its vaginismus. I had brushed it off in my denial that anything was wrong with me. After trying over and over again with my significant other for more than six months, I started researching it and uncovered websites and forums of women with the condition. I started crying out of sadness, helplessness, yet happiness, because I found it. I found what has been wrong this whole time. Although he is so kind, caring, patient, and extremely supportive, I can’t help but have it bring my self esteem down. And it hurts when my family members tell me it’s something I shouldn’t stress about too much. It just makes me feel all the more alone.

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