[mary]

Elaine,

Congratulations on taking the gigantic step of standing for yourself by posting your experiences! That is a major step down the path of personal healing that you are now on.

After over 35 years of vaginismus, I underwent my procedure with Dr. Pacik in March, 2012. Since I did not have a husband, significant other, or boyfriend at the time, I underwent treatment alone, and I have not regretted that decision for one minute. Dr. Pacik and his staff extended such heartfelt kindness and help to me that I never felt alone. A married couple was also at the clinic for treatment. We shared a pre/post-treatment room (with privacy curtains for separation as needed), and, at first, I was apprehensive because of the level of openness. The warmth of not only the staff, but the other couple, quickly dissolved that apprehension, as I realized that, even though I traveled to Manchester alone, I was not alone. I was surrounded by and was one of a group of caring people dedicated to a common goal. I am 1000% sure that should you decide to “go it alone,” you will be absolutely fine and have every bit of support from the staff and other patients that you need.

All of us who have embarked on this journey have done so because of our strong desire to either begin or improve our relationships, and curing vaginismus is a crucial component in that. However, it is not the only component. For me, it was ONE of the elements that made up the blanket of isolation that I so carefully wove around myself for protection against my lack of trust in relationships. During the 14 months since my treatment, I have also been working hard on deconstructing that blanket because I now know how much more full life is when we can build meaningful relationships with others. The most useful resources I have encountered for the “non-medical” part of my personal healing transformation are the courses and coaching services offered by Katherine Woodward Thomas. The website address is: http://www.callingintheone.com. Katherine and her coaches have helped thousands of women with relationships, many, many women who have devastating experiences similar to yours, and shown them how to stand for themselves and take control of their lives, who they want to be, and where they want to go. I would suggest that you contact them to see if they offer something that strikes a chord with you. I can assure you that nothing you tell them will be something they haven’t heard and helped with before.

Best of luck, Elaine. The great news is, you are already on your way!

Mary

[mary]

All,

I grew up in a VERY strict family, where sex education was never discussed, and, whenever a sex-related topic came up, it was met with terse, disdainful comments by my parents. I remember wondering in my pre-teen years how my sister and I came to be, and, in later years, when I found out, I wondered how we could possibly be wanted by my parents since they thought sex was such an evil topic. Needless to say, I was left to my own discovery to figure out how to deal with the onset of puberty, menstrual periods, and relationships with boys.

I struggled through getting accustomed to tampons, unpleasant and somewhat painful GYN exams, and through the years completely isolated myself in school and work to avoid even having to address the possibility of a relationship that might involve sexual intercourse. At the age of 48 (pre-menopausal), I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Chemotherapy put me into menopause very quickly, and my periods never returned. (The good news is that the hot flashes only lasted two weeks, although I wouldn’t recommend chemo as a way to manage hot flashes!) Since completion of treatment nine years ago, GYN exams have become more difficult and, sometimes, impossible. I have tried progressive dilation on my own with some success, but not enough to give me confidence in being able to comfortably withstand a pelvic exam or pursue a personal relationship. All of this has led me to Dr. Pacik. He and I had a great conversation a few evenings ago, and I am scheduled for the procedure in early March.

Mary

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