[kfmom]

Hi Franny – I am sorry to hear about your difficulty. My daughter K had just turned 19 when she was treated by Dr. Pacik and his team last month December, 2013. She has had a great outcome. She also went through a two year cycle of treatment before finding Dr. Pacik that involved physical therapy, topical and oral medications (lots of side effects). I can’t emphasize enough that Dr. Pacik’s treatment is fast , effective and most importantly is noninvasive/does not require oral medications. Every gynecologist should be made aware of this treatment approach. Through his presentations and papers, Dr. Pacik may know a physician in Europe that would be willing to try his procedure? Or I would go to gynecologists in the area and ask if any are willing to collaborate with Dr. Pacik. If you get them to agree to look into his procedure, I know that he would be more than happy to share research with them. I hope that you, like my daughter, will end the negative self esteem cycle of vaginismus early in your adulthood. Feel free to ask any questions you may have and I will relay them to K for you.

[kfmom]

Happy New Year to you and the entire Dr. Pacik team!! Bringing our daughter to you for treatment was the best decision and has been life changing for her. So happy to see her making tremendous progress on overcoming her battle with vaginismus. I can’t emphasize enough that Dr. Pacik’s treatment approach is a viable cure for the 1 to 7% of women suffering from this condition. We are so lucky to have found you and only hope that this treatment approach becomes well known and wide spread so that women (and their partners) no longer have to struggle in silence.

[kfmom]

Thanks Janet. I hope you are feeling better! Isn’t interesting that you had two Mom-daughter patients back-to-back? I am sure K would be happy to talk to this week’s daughter if she is interested. It might be helpful for them to have each other to chat with since they are close in age and treatment date. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, Peter, Ellen, Cynthia and everyone else on the team.

[kfmom]

Today marks one week since my 19 year old daughter’s procedure with Dr. Pacik and his wonderful team. It is difficult to put into words but what a life affirming experience it was and continues to be!

I am writing this update in the same thread as “Reaching Out to Young Women” so you can get a sense of what it is like to be accompanied by a parent vs. a spouse or significant other. Others have written at length about the actual procedure itself. Suffice it to say that my daughter (K) was treated with compassion, respect and dignity. By her choice, I was by K’s side throughout the pre-surgery exam, surgery, recovery and counseling/follow-up. In retrospect she realizes that what her imagination conjured up in anticipation, as is often the case in life, was much worse than reality.

Dr. Pacik talked her through each phase of the process, helped ease her fears and administered medication when warranted. Once under anesthesia K has no recollection at all of her experience. She, like the other 250+ of Dr. Pacik’s patients, woke up with a #6 blue dilator in place. This is when the real healing began.

The curtains were drawn back and we were introduced to a young married couple who struggled with vaginismus since their wedding night almost two years ago. We also were joined by a recovered vaginismus sufferer who was observing that day and collaborating with Dr. Pacik. Be sure to check out her blog http://www.myvaginsmustory.com. After a brief awkward moment or two, over the course of the next day and a half stories, laughter, frustrations and fears were shared. It was very helpful to K to hear from others who have the same condition.

Both K and the other young woman treated were able to proceed immediately to #5 and #6 dilators the next day with minimal discomfort. In fact, K had very little discomfort after the procedure at all – just taking some Advil on day 1. Yay! She continues to make good progress and we are very hopeful that she will join Dr. Pacik’s success stories.

For young women reading, I want to assure you that Dr. Pacik and his team checked with K every step of the way about her desires and whether or not she wanted me present for each step. I, of course, also told K that I would leave with zero hard feelings whenever she asked. This was her treatment and her recovery. I am honored that she chose to include me and know that we will remember the experience always.

Although recovery from vaginismus is a journey and K has not arrived at the end point yet, she already seems so much lighter … as if a huge burden is lifting. I want to thank every member of Dr. Pacik’s team for the wonderful care they provided. You have my commitment that I will continue to advocate for increased awareness and understanding of vaginismus. It is time for the shroud of silence to be lifted. K is hopefully one of the lucky ones who will find resolution early in her adulthood. So many others are not so fortunate. This is a real tragedy when effective treatment is available. Once again, we cannot thank you enough.

[kfmom]

Thank you so much PomPom. It is so encouraging to hear about your daughter’s positive outcome and great experience with Dr Pacik and his team. We look forward to hopefully the same results!

[kfmom]

So, how to talk to your Mom and Dad?

Remember first and foremost two things:

1. This is a medical condition
2. Your parents LOVE you and want you whole and well

You don’t have to be best friends with your parents to ask for help. I am a big believer in writing a letter to address difficult topics and then talking it through. I think heather’s suggestions of starting with a note and perhaps dr. pacik’s book are good ones. I believe you will find your parents more understanding and supportive than you think. They will NOT want you to suffer for years with a condition that effects your adult well being. Don’t be embarrassed. Seek help. As parents our goal is to raise children to be happy, healthy productive adults. They won’t want this to stand in your way anymore than we did. In fact, it is heart wrenching.

Our involvement with our daughter’s treatment has been more of a process vs. one big dramatic disclosure. When younger, sHe had a lot of trouble with irregular periods. We have a pelvic health specialist gynecology practice near our home and she was treated there when she was 15 and 16. She has also had the same boyfriend since that time. She was very open the first two years of their relationship that she was not ready for sex. When she turned 17 things changed and my husband and I assumed that they were now sexually active. It was a short time thereafter that she asked to return to the doctor that treated her at the pelvic health center because she had questions. That was the beginning of her two year journey to dr. Pacik.

Shortly after after visiting the doctor she told me that she was experiencing a lot of pain and that sex and vaginal exams were difficult or impossible. She shared that the doctor had diagnosed her with vulvar vestibulitis. Over the next almost two years she was prescribed topical and oral medications, physical therapy, etc. with no real progress. We also saw a cumulative effect on her confidence and mental well being. Her relationship went through some ups and downs. She was depressed and frustrated and we were concerned about the side effects of the medication she was being prescribed to treat her pain.

Our daughter is a very private person and would not speak about her progress or lack thereof that often. Time passed quickly but it was clear that the current course of treatment wasn’t working. I found dr. Pacik researching on the Internet. The more I read, the more his treatment approach seemed like the answer and exactly what we hoped for. We contacted the office, My daughter filled out the forms and spoke to dr. Pacik and the date was set.

You may hear a lot of things from you doctor(s) and parents:
This will resolve itself in 2-3 months (the specialist)
Maybe you are just not ready (dad)
It will get better – it isn’t comfortable in the beginning (mom)
Use lubricant … Use a different lubricant
Try this topical medication … Now this one … Now that one
Try antidepressants, neurological medications (lots of side effects)
Physical therapy and so on

No loving parent will want you caught up in this cycle. We want our daughter happy, healthy and cured – period. This is a medical issue and though it obviously involves sexuality it is not just about sex. We trust her choices and she has a strong moral compass. We are proud of her in every way now and always.

If Dr. pacik’s program seems right for you, reach out. I believe your parents, like us will be relieved that you did and will support your treatment 100%.

Good luck and if I can help or you want to talk to an understanding parent let me know.

Heather – Thank you for your kind words and encouragement for Our daughter’s upcoming procedure next week. Congratulations to you on conquering your battle with vaginismus and sharing your success and support with the forum.

[Author]

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