[birdie]

Hi, my online name is Birdie. I am 25 years old, and began having vaginismus issues almost 3 years ago. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 18 and he was my first. He is a very compassionate guy. We used to, well, go at it anytime we could, haha. Things were great until I began to get UTIs in 2008. Some were very severe, and I know I didn’t take care of myself the way I should have. I had just gotten my own place, and we wanted to have lots of sex! I’m kicking myself now, but what’s done is done. This went on for about 3 years, then I finally stopped getting them. We had all kinds of different “tricks” to keep me from getting them. Whether it is a real thing or not, I attribute some of my progress to taking cranberry pills everyday.

In 2011, I was having lower abdominal pain the next day after sex. Having had such terrible experiences with UTIs, I rushed to the doctor. They threw some antibiotics at me and shooed me out the door. After the second time, they cultured my urine, which contained white blood cells, and it came back with no growth. There was no attempt to explain this to me. I never had that much respect for doctors anyway, and this made me angry, so I stopped going at all. It got to the point where penetration was painful and difficult, and almost every time after sex, I have this abdominal pain for a couple of days to a couple of weeks afterward. I always assumed it had something to do with my bladder because of my history, and I would drink or not drink all kinds of things hoping to cure it at home. Looking back on it, my UTIs never had bladder pain, so now I feel silly. I finally decided last month that I was lucky to now have good health insurance, and I should visit my gynecologist.

It was scary at first. I don’t have a problem with anyone looking or doing anything down there, and I go every year for an annual visit. But, when it comes to actual problems, I have a hard time believing these people really have my best interests in mind. After some tests, she referred me to a physical therapist for pelvic floor therapy. I was even more scared and nervous to do that. Not only was I concerned that they were just trying to milk my insurance and send me all over the place, I had never heard of such treatment. “Hey what are you going to physical therapy for?” “Oh, just my vagina.” Come on. I conquered my fear and went today after all. They said that the muscles in my vagina were contracting constantly, and had forgotten how to relax, most likely because of my experiences with UTI. After sex, the muscles are bothered and fired up and continue to spasm, causing the constant pain for a period of time. She didn’t actually use the term “vaginismus” but based on what I have read, it sounds exactly like what I have been told at the doctor. It really messed up my sex life. I don’t see my boyfriend that often to begin with, and when I did see him, I wanted to have sex but was terrified. He was very understanding, but things were getting totally weak and lame in that department. Toys made things better, but I still thought I was having bladder issues, so when I had an “attack” I thought I had done something wrong and stopped using them for a while. I am so happy I am beginning to understand this issue, and I feel that I am beginning to take back control of that aspect of my life. I also think it rocks that this forum exists. Thanks for existing!

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