What do yall love and hate about dilators? Any other options?

[Anonymous]

How long has your wife suffered with vaginismus? Has she been diagnosed? What types of treatments has she been through? You are asking about dilators? Are you asking this group about if others have used dilators without Botox? Or with or both? I know no one who has had success with just dilators and especially not those with higher levels of spasm. Most of us here would love to guide you but we need to know a bit more specifics about the exact nature and issues you are having as a couple.

[swalter]

Hi all, I’m the spouse of a sufferer and also an MD. I wanted to get a sense from the community about a few things; I’m trying to learn a bit about what everyone is going through.

–What does everyone love or hate about dilators? We’re thinking about getting a set and we want know what the experiences have been…good or bad.
–Has anyone tried anything else for this issue? Any other tools or therapies besides dilators that worked…or didn’t work?
–What about applying lubricants and creams? Any experiences there….

Thanks everyone for your thoughts…Steve MD

[23years]

How long has your wife suffered with vaginismus? Has she been diagnosed? What types of treatments has she been through? You are asking about dilators? Are you asking this group about if others have used dilators without Botox? Or with or both? I know no one who has had success with just dilators and especially not those with higher levels of spasm. Most of us here would love to guide you but we need to know a bit more specifics about the exact nature and issues you are having as a couple.

[Heather34]

Hi Steve. I want to welcome you and your wife to the Forum. Having vaginismus and also being the partner of one with vaginismus can be very difficult and we are all here to support you and your wife.

What does everyone love or hate about the dilators?

I ordered dilators from vag.com along with a workbook and was never able to insert any of them at all. They arrived and were hard, plastic white dilators in varying shapes with no handles. I tried many times and my husband even tried to help me insert them and they would never go in as I was in extreme and burning/stinging pain with any attempt. We both felt as if we were hitting a wall which we found out later, after researching and studying vaginismus and talking to Dr. Pacik, is the entry muscles to the vagina going into spasm and preventing entry. I had the Botox treatment program in 2011 with my husband by my side. After the procedure, I woke up with the largest blue dilator inside of me and my husband and I were both in shock that something was able to be inside of me and did not cause any pain whatsoever. Then, up in the office in NH and also when we returned home, we both noticed that this wall of resistance that I spoke of dissipated following receiving the Botox and this made insertion entirely possible. So, I was able to insert the varying sized dilators and stretch my vagina and then, within 1 week, we were able to have pain-free intercourse. We are now over 3yrs post-procedure and have an enjoyable and pleasurable sex-life. Concerning specific types of dilators, I used the Pure Romance Silicone Dilators following my procedure as the glass ones were not yet available. I found the silicone material to be very comfortable and I liked that they had a handle on the ends for insertion and removal. Once the glass dilators were created, I ordered a set as, at the time, I still felt more comfortable dilating prior to ob/gyn exams. I loved the glass ones and found them to be even more comfortable than the pure romance set. They are shorter in length which makes doing things while dilating possible (i.e. shopping, driving, etc.) and they also have the helpful handle. I want to share the link for the second issue of the VaginismusMD Newsletter with you that discusses all-things dilating. Specific topics include: Styles and Materials of Dilators, Getting Started with Dilation, Anxiety Control, Advanced Dilation Techniques, and Transitioning to Intercourse. http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-resources/vaginismus-newsletter-archive/ins-outs-vaginal-dilation/

Concerning question 2 and 3, I wanted to share an excellent post from one of Dr. Pacik’s treated patients:

Palmtree: “I had tried several different things (laparoscopy, dilators, physical therapy, trigger point injections, lidocaine, etc.) prior to Dr Pacik’s procedure and nothing solved the problem or even helped the problem. My husband and I got to the point where there was no intimacy and we were just two people living in the same house like roommates. I was trying everything I could to fix myself, but he just didn’t understand and he wasn’t giving me the support that I needed. I felt like a freak and I thought I was going to lose my husband because I couldn’t give him a normal sexual relationship. We sat down and had a heart-to-heart one day and I explained how important his support was and that we needed to work together to overcome this problem. From that point on, my husband was very supportive. He was the one who actually found Dr. Pacik’s website. I had my doubts at first because I had tried so many things already and they had all failed. I had already tried dilators without much success, so I feared this procedure would fail too. I was really nervous the night before the procedure, but Dr. Pacik and his staff are one of a kind. When I arrived for the procedure and met the other women who would be getting the procedure done at the same time, I finally felt like someone understood what I had been going through for years. It is an amazing thing to go through the procedure with other women who have had similar struggles and truly understand what you are going through. My husband was with me during the procedure and it really was an eye-opening experience for hime to witness just like Dr. Pacik said above. The combination of the Botox and the dilators and Dr. Pacik’s instruction proved to be the successful combination! It has almost been 4 months since I had the procedure. The Botox has worn off, but I’m still able to dilate without a problem and my husband and I are enjoying the sexual intimacy that we dreamed of. Contacting Dr. Pacik was the best decision we could have made. You are not alone! This forum is full of ladies who understand you and can empathize with your situation.”

If you haven’t already, I would encourage you to contact Dr. Pacik and work with him in any way possible. We did and it was the best decision of our lives and, just like Palmtree above, it worked to cure my vaginismus when nothing else that we tried did. Sending you and your wife support.

[galaxygal]

Hi Swalter,
The pure romance dilators and the glass dilators Dr. Pacik has are the best. I tried a different set in the past but they were hard plastic and didn’t help at all. For lubes, be careful not to use anything with parabens or alcohol. Some prefer using coconut oil or olive oil because it does not irritate them. I like slippery stuff. I tried a whole slew of treatments but with only some success. Some women have had success with pelvic floor physical therapy and dilation. I would recommend counseling too help with the emotional aspect of vaginismsus. I go to acupuncture and do deep breathing to lower anxiety which I have found very helpful. In the past I tried a cream that had a muscle relaxer but that didn’t help. Using lidocaine helped but never solved the underlying issues. I just had the botox procedure and for the first time I feel like a treatment plan is goinf to work. Good luck to you and your wife!