Vaginismus causing partner to have pain as well?

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    I’ve always been told vaginismus means the entrance to your vagina is literally “blocked” and your partner can’t get in at all.

    In my case, when my partner enters me, I feel a ring of fire (stinging pain) at the entrance of my vagina, and my vagina also feels really tight, as if the penis stretches the walls to the limits. When he moves, he’s in pain too and his frenulum seems to bleed once in a while (he’s intact) – probably because I’m so tight. We’re going for a baby right now so I’m happy we CAN have sex, although it hurts for BOTH of us, which is something I never heard about.

    Is it is common for men to have pain as well when their partner has vaginismus? Or is something else going on here?


    Hi sunshineready!
    I do think that makes sense. And I do know you guys can have pain free penetrative sex one day! 🙂 My physical therapist once told me that the inside of the vagina is supposed to move just as easily as the wrinkly skin on the back of a really old persons hand. When vaginismus comes into play, the inside of the vagina has the flexibility of the skin on the back of a hand during making a fist. It’s very tight and not at all flexible. Along with that, the PC muscles are working their bums off trying to keep penetration from happening. Although your partner may be able to get in, your PC muscles still have the ability to try and close up on you. This tightness of the vagina as well as the lack of flexible tissue may be what’s causing your partner, and you, to feel more pain than pleasure. The fact that you can get his penis in your vagina gives you an incredible edge on treating vaginismus. I would highly suggest buying a dilator kit and performing at home physical therapy. 20 minutes a day, as many days of the week as possible. The dilators range from the size of a pinky to the size of an average penis. I would still start off with the smallest dilator and work your way up so that way your muscles get the most gentle approach to treatment and you begin to gain full control over those muscles! I also think inner vaginal massages would be great for you! If you’d like to try, you just use your finger up to the first knuckle, and going clockwise, gently but with a little firmness… press on the walls of your vagina and slowly move your finger around and around, holding a gentle press of the finger. This massage directly effects the entrance to the vagina, where the muscles try to make the “wall”

    You both deserve the best sex life together, I really hope this helps and congratulations on growing your family, that’s so exciting 😊


    Totally agreed with everything Heather said! It makes sense that your partner’s penis would be in pain as well given how tight and clenched your muscles probably are. I highly recommend dilating as well so the experience of trying for a baby is more pleasant for you both – and so you can have an enjoyable sex life together!

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