TRANSITIONING TO SEX

Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Vaginismus Dilating TRANSITIONING TO SEX

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #23904
    HildaCharlesTz
    Participant

    Hello! I have tried to dialate for a few months now without Botox and everything has been going well. However, after a few dialating sessions when I thought I was confident enough to finally have sexual intercourse, I failed. It was such a frustrating experience because my boyfriend even ended up losing his errection as he was trying to penetrate me.

    I feel so lonely and frustrated because I don’t understand why I am not able to have penetrative sex despite doing fairly well with the dialators.

    So my question is, what has been the experience in terms of finally transitioning from the use of dialators to finally having sex?

    #23910
    recessivegenequeen
    Participant

    Hi Hilda! I’m so sorry for your frustrating experience! This is a VERY normal setback on the way to intercourse. Dilating does a ton to get your muscles prepared for the experience, but they’re still not the same as a penis so it can be tricky for sure.

    The best way to smooth the way for an intercourse experience is to get comfortable using a dilator size that’s LARGER than your partner’s penis. That makes it so that the actual penis itself is almost a relief (especially since they’re generally more comfortable than a rigid plastic dilator). Be sure you’re using tons of lube and go super slowly at first–it won’t be like the movies where you’re able to just go at it right away. You can also do other things to get you more transitionally comfortable by being penetrated by your partner like having him insert your dilators for you. Finally, and most importantly, give yourself tons of grace and patience. It takes how long it takes to get comfortable with intercourse in the end, and as impatient as you likely are, taking things one step at a time and not trying to rush yourself will make you more successful in the end.

    I can tell you’re getting really close, so keep going! You’ll get there before you know it!

    #23914
    HildaCharlesTz
    Participant

    Thank you so much recessivegenequeen! I will definitely try this and of course, exercise more patience!Wish me luck!

    #23915

    Hi HildaCharlesTz,

    Yes, indeed – this transition can be challenging! Recessivegenequeen offered up super advice. At Maze, we counsel women to manage expectations when it’s time to try intercourse after dilation. I know this might be a tall order, but please try and remove the word “fail” from your recent efforts. You have taken proactive steps toward your sexual health and empowerment, and that speaks volumes about your strength. This is a process, and everyone is different. You will get there!

    #23916
    recessivegenequeen
    Participant

    Good luck Hilda! I know you can do this! Jennifer is right – you’re taking all the right steps, so it’s just a matter of time before you get there.

    #23919
    HildaCharlesTz
    Participant

    Thank you Jennifer and Recessivegenequeen for the support! I truly appreciate it!

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