June 9, 2020 at 9:46 am #30490gls1114Participant
I’ve managed to have intercourse with my boyfriend for a while now (yipee) but I wanted to ask if anyone has any tips on making this more spontaneous? At the moment I dilate using the fourth and fifth of the amielle set before we attempt penetration but ideally I want to be able to have sex spontaneously now without having to first dilate, as having to dilate first can make the whole experience a bit of an ordeal when sometimes you just want to dive right in there. Any tips?
Thank you xxJune 9, 2020 at 10:38 am #30506Jennifer Dembo, LMSWModerator
Hi gls1114 – thanks so much for your question!
First of all, congrats on being able to successfully have intercourse! Secondly, I totally understand how having to dilate prior in advance can put a damper on the mood.
You are the boss of your body, and you can decide if you want to try penetrative sex without dilating first. However – and I can’t stress this enough – EVERYONE is different. Women have their own unique structural anatomy, arousal level may vary, anxiety might play a role (it can tense muscles and shut desire down). Understanding these factors will help you make the best choices going forward.
If you do ultimately decide to have intercourse sans dilation here are some things to keep in mind:
-DO use lots of lube
-DO manage your expectations – your first few attempts may not go smoothly, and that’s okay. This is a time to explore and learn more about your body
-DO take it very slowly – be patient with yourself and make sure your boyfriend is prepared to be patient as well
If you need any further guidance or ideas RE: how to spice things up should it be necessary/ preferred to continue with dilation before penetration, don’t hesitate to give us a call at Maze.July 3, 2020 at 10:50 am #31442recessivegenequeenParticipant
gls1114 – congrats on being able to have intercourse without pain! I know the phase you’re at can be annoying as you want to move all the way along into having spontaneous sex and feeling normal, but as Jennifer said, this is a part of the longer process as much as many of the other phases are.
To Jennifer’s advice I might add that if you don’t live with your boyfriend, you could dilate before going to where he lives or before he comes over so that even if it isn’t happening RIGHT before, you’re generally warmed up and ready for that day’s sexual activities. You also might start noticing the acts and foreplay that most arouse you and try to do as much of those as possible before attempting intercourse if you haven’t dilated before.
Let us know how it goes and if you have other questions – you’ve already made a huge amount of progress and should be very proud!
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