Spams in upper muscles?

[katon0333]

Hi there,

I’m new to the forum and I’ve spent time reading other post which have been very helpful in learning more about vaginismus and its treatments.

I have recently purchased a set of dilators and after a month was able to successfully inset the smallest in the set (prior to this the entrance muscles had been fully clamped down for years, so this was the first time I had successfully managed this!). This did lead to a change in my mentality and after the initial by-passing of the entrance muscle I have had no problem inserting the first dilator. Whilst it takes more time and pressure I can also insert the second past the entrance muscle virtually pain free (at most 1/10 pain on some occasions but not every time).

The issue is the length, the first dilator is just under 3 inches in length and I can insert this fully to the handle with no problems at all. However the second dilator is 3.75 inches but I cannot insert this fully. I probably get around 3 inches inserted and at this point my muscles start clamping down around the dilator, won’t let me insert any further and at times tries to push the dilator out. I think, knowing that the average vagina is around 3.5 inches in length, I am subconsiously afraid of pushing the dilator in too far, hitting the cervix and causing pain which will set my progress back.

Does the fact that my muscles clamp down when I attempt to insert the dilator past a certain depth sound like I have spasms in the upper muscles that I need to work on overcoming?

For anyone who has experienced something similar do you think its better to continue using the second dilator and overcome the “length” issue and insert this further, or would I be better moving onto the third size and continue stretching the entrance muscles?

Thanks in advance!

[mazemelissa]

I would continue to try to work through the dilators focusing on getting them through the first set of muscles. It is possible, that as you continue to dilate and move bigger, you will also be slowly learning to relax the deeper muscles as well.

You won’t do any damage inserting a dilator “too far” if you are going slow. The dilator can press up against the cervix without any harm, it might not feel great, but would be ok.

I would also consider trying to find a dilator that is the same width as the smallest one you have no pain with, but longer. Maybe if you use a very small dilator, but can insert it further, that will also help.

You might also really benefit from intravaginal valium suppositories to help with the deeper muscle spasm.

Melissa

[Heather]

Hey girl! I had this issue as well! When I finally got to the biggest size dilator, when I would pull the dilator out, I’d get a sharp pain always in the same spot of my vagina and it made me fear using it. So what I did was I took a really tiny dilator, almost the smallest one and I used the tip of the dilator to massage inside my vagina. I’d just go around and around and press gently on my walls. You can also use your finger and just massage around up there, care for your muscles! It’s soothing and helpful! I also used to put a heating pad underneath me, I’d rest my feet on a big pillow and I’d put in a movie and I’d make it the most relaxing as I possibly could! With vaginismus you aren’t just battling those PC muscles but also the fear and anxiety in your brain that isn’t helping you relax those muscles. Work your way up slowly to that size you’re experiencing pain with and I’m sure in no time, you’ll conquer it! You can also try yoga stretches for your pelvic floor muscles! Just Google them because I can’t even begin to explain those on here lol! Also, try this breathing technique! Fill your belly up with oxygen, breathe in deep and slowly and fill your belly instead of your lungs. Once you cannot take anymore oxygen in, hold your breath and put the dilator in. When you exhale, exhale slowly and slowly slide your dilator out, but not all the way. Breathe in deep again through your belly and push it back in slowly. And then exhale slowly, and slide your dilator out slowly. Again, not all the way! Breathing like this and filling your stomach instead of your lungs opens up your vagina more! And the steady breathing will also help relax and calm you. I really hope this works! You can do it!!

[katon0333]

Thanks Melissa and Heather for the replies. Some really helpful options from both of you! I will work my way through and hopefully one of them will benefit me. It’s maybe a bit of fear of the unknown as well, I’m hoping that as I getting more used to the feeling I will start to become a bit more desensitized. I need to keep thinking positively about the progress I have made so far! Just touching on the yoga option, I have been attending classes for the past 8 months and I do think it has played a part in the small progress I have made already. Thanks again for your advice and support, I really appreciate it!

[Heather]

Absolutely! You are in control, not vaginismus! You have exactly the right attitude and you can do this! Goodluck! 🙂

[Jennifer Dembo, LMSW]

katon0333 – so glad you are seeing some progress, and thank you for sharing your experience with yoga. Attending classes helps to create more awareness of/comfort with your body and encourages flexibility both physically and psychologically. The mindfulness piece is so important as well. Whether it’s one or a combination of these benefits, we’re happy it is helping to make a difference as you move forward!

[katon0333]

Hi, I just wanted to post an update following on from my original post above. I had taken on board all the suggestions and thank you again for these. I called my doctor to see about getting some sort of muscle relaxant. She was wary about prescribing valium so instead gave me a course of baclofen muscle relaxants to take orally (just a low dose for 28 days). The good news is that these did really help me. Maybe it helped relax my muscles, maybe it was the anti-anxiety effect of the drug or maybe it was just a placebo effect – I’m really not sure but I definitely saw an improvement when dilating after starting this medication. I had been stuck on the 2nd dilator for quite a while, but over the past few weeks I have been able to work my way up to the 5th dilator (which is the biggest in the set I own!). For comparison it’s just slightly bigger than the 5th dilator in the pure romance set, being about 4.25 inches in circumference. It still does take time, and I need to work my way up using the 3rd and 4th dilator first, but I can insert the 5th dilator past the entrance muscle and lower muscles to insert about 4.5 inches. Sometimes it is easier and sometimes it can be bit trickier and take longer. This is to be expected and it will just take more practice to become quicker when inserting No 5. I am continuing with yoga classes and also using some pelvic floor relaxation videos I found on youtube as I think these are helping also. Overall trying muscle relaxants seemed to benefit me so may be worth a try for someone else to see if it helps them.

My only real issue is that I am still having muscle spasms really high up (when insert the dilator past 4.5inches in length). To note this is higher than the spasms I had mentioned in my first post above, these were about 3 inches high and I seem to mostly be able to control the spasms at that level.

Can i check does anyone know if there are muscles this high up that cause spasming? Or is it maybe that I am hitting/poking something that is making the muscles lower down spasm and it just feels like this is higher up? It really does feel like there is another higher ring of muscle but maybe I am completely wrong and my brain/body is tricking me! It would just be nice to know for sure, but regardless it’s something I need to keep working on.

As my 5th dilator isn’t causing me any issues (i have no burning etc.) I was thinking about buying a wider size to start working with. I see soul source sell individual and part sets of dilators so this may be an option rather than buying another full set. Might be good to try a different shape also, as my current dilators are slightly tapered at the top and maybe it would be helpful to work with something that is broader and try to exercise the entrance muscle a bit more. Just wondering if anyone had any opinion on the soul source dilators?

Thank you!

[mazemelissa]

Amazing work! You really have made tremendous progress with dilation.

You could be pushing the dilator into the body of the uterus or the cervix, and that could cause discomfort. The average length of the vagina for most women is about 4-5 inches not aroused, so you could be hitting the end of the vagina with the dilator.

Soul source dilators are very good. If you want something that is wider to start, the Syracuse medical dilators have very wide/blunt ends, so the large, large plus and extra large dilators have wide tops that really stretch the entrance.

[katon0333]

Thanks Melissa, I’ll take a look at both types of dilators before deciding. In the meantime I will continue working with 3, 4 and 5 in my current set to get as comfortable as I can with these. Although the spasms are much less, I still get what I would call tightness more than anything in certain muscles (they definitely aren’t the same strong spasms I had when I starting dilating). Strangely the muscle tightness keeps changing about. So if I have a bit of tightness at the entrance muscle my upper muscles are more relaxed. But if the muscles at the entrance are more relaxed it’s then I tend to have a bit more tightness in the upper muscles 🤷‍♀️. Plus still sometimes a bit of slight spasming when removing the dilator out past the upper muscle ring and I have to focus on really relaxing the muscles to avoid this. Anyway these are just things I need to keep working on and by practising each day hopefully they will keep improving.

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi katon0333 – congratulations on all the hard work you’ve been doing, and I’m so glad your spasming has decreased over the past several months! Melissa’s advice was spot on, I’d keep working and continuing to loosen up those muscles. And if you have a partner whose penis isn’t longer or as long as that large dilator, you may not struggle with the same issues when engaging in intercourse. Keep up the great work and we’re so happy for you!