Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Vaginismus General SO CONFUSED…PLEASE HELP

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    Hi all,

    I was diagnosed with vaginismus near the end of 2017. I am from the UK and therefore initially went through the NHS, i was referred to psychosexual counselling. I have been on a waiting list ever since and am now tired. I go through moments of forgetting I even suffer from this and pretending it’s not an issue to moments where it really gets me down, especially after the moments of having tried with my partner. He is very supportive in all of this but I can’t help but feel incompetent and a bit of a failure. We have had successes and are able to have intercourse but it’s not full intercourse due to it feeling like a brick wall and nowhere to go. I was given dilators near the end of 2017 but never had the courage to use them.

    Fast forward to today. I have started using the dilators about a couple of days ago and have made some progress with the first size. However, I am looking to have therapy too privately to help. I am not sure whether to go down the cognitive route or the physical (pelvic floor) therapy route. I do associate fear when I think of things like dilators or tampons being inserted but I don’t have those thoughts when it comes to intercourse with my partner. I see that as a positive thing and something I never shy away from wanting. Therefore I am not too sure if cognitive therapy would help as is it really the way I think that is stopping me if I see intercourse as a positive or actually do I just need help in training my muscles to relax and therefore physical therapy would be more useful? Or is it a case of both?

    Any advice would be really useful and I would really appreciate it!

    Thank you!


    If you can swing doing both cognitive behavioral therapy and physical therapy, that would for sure be the best.

    Vaginismus is a combination of physical and mental/emotional factors, and if you can connect the mind and body to work together, you will see better outcomes.

    That you have been able to use the smallest dilator is so great!


    Agreed with Melissa! That you’re already seeing progress is huge and promising. It’s funny that at first you’ll often see vaginismus as a physical limitation but come to understand it more and more as a set of emotional and psychological factors that have to be untangled so you can unlearn the connection between pain and sex. It’s a climb on both fronts but you seem well-equipped to handle it – starting with dilators is an unbelievable first step, and often the hardest one to take. The rest is just sticking with the work. You found the courage to take the first step and that’s what matters most.

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