November and December Patients Please Read

[Dr. Pacik]

What a joy it was taking care of this courageous group of three women and their honeys. It is not easy to place your trust in someone you don’t know especially when you are scared out of your mind. This is why I consider this group and the many other women that have been treated as “courageous”.
It was a perfect match of three couples who did not know each other, but in no time were able to open up and have honest conversations about how vaginismus impacted each of their lives. The total honesty created some very funny moments and we all had some good belly laughs by some of the remarks. What happens in that room stays in the room, so I can’t share, but I am smiling as a type this. It was empowering for all of us and I thank the group for making this a special day. I know deep in my heart that all three ladies will successfully complete their journey and I look forward to working with this wonderful group during the post procedure progress.

[Nakitalab]

Olivia I’m so happy for you!!! And thank you, Walt for posting and sharing your experience as well. So very happy for the both of you!

[Heather34]

This is amazing Olivia and such a wonderful post to read. I couldn’t be happier for you and Walt and am giving you as well as all of the treated couples a huge CONGRATULATIONS hug right now!!!!! I also loved your 2 new songs and will add them to the NH playlist. Huge, huge CONGRATS to you!!!!!!!

[Olivia]

Thank you Dr. Pacik for everything!! Thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement!!!

Today was day 2 post procedure and today I felt much more sore than I have the last two days. It made dilating today a bit more difficult. I am also the kind of person who constantly wants to change or shower when on my period, so I try and be very careful when inserting the dilator with the lube so that there is enough to make the dilator easy to slide in, but also not too much where I am getting it everywhere. There is a sort of interesting routine when trying to insert this dilator and make sure it aligns properly on a pad and doesn’t leave lube all over my underwear and sheets. I have to be careful when I remove the dilator as well as there is still some blood and like I mentioned before some soreness. I am confident that this will get easier with time and I will develop a better routine.

[Heather34]

Hi Olivia! I, again, am so, so ecstatic for you and Kim and smile every time I read your wonderful posts. You are right in your statement “I am confident that this will get easier with time.” This is exactly how I felt post-procedure as well and the dilating became more and more comfortable as the more days went by post-procedure. In the beginning, Dr. Pacik has said that a lot of discomfort is from the muscles stretching and so much activity in the area (i.e. removing and re-inserting the varying sized dilators). It definitely felt better and better for me as my muscles stretched and I became less and less sore. It will continue to feel better for you with additional time and stretching too. Sending you positive thoughts and hugs!!!!

[Kim]

Olivia, yesterday was more difficult for me as well. Dilating started out awesome in the morning with #4 going in no problem and leaving it in for 40 minutes, but then last night I was so sore I couldn’t handle more than 10 minutes with #3 blue. I admit I was pretty frustrated with myself, but I have to remember I’m doing this with more than likely no help from the Botox yet, as I don’t believe mines starting working just yet.

Today was better, we arrived back home, I took a long hot bath and then dilated with #3 for an hour, which hurt a bit going in, but was fine during the entire hour. We’re headed out now for the evening and I’m planning to sleep with #3 tonight which I think will help a lot! I’d love to keep up with your progress 😉

[Heather34]

Hi Kim and Olivia. I wanted to share a very good thread started by Firenze that describes the roller coaster that is dilating in the immediate week post-procedure. Please know that you are not alone with any of these feelings and with time, it becomes so much better. Also, please know we are all here to support you along your journeys!!!!!

Firenze:
So I officially had (am still having) my first meltdown post-procedure. In my last post, I wrote about how I was having trouble with the blue dilator (#6) and now I’m having more and more problems with pink, #5. Up until a few days ago, I had no problems at all with it. Last night, after dilating with purple, I put pink in, but it was the most uncomfortable it had been until this point. I was only able to keep it in for about 30 min.
I slept with purple overnight with no pain or problems and dilated with it for about an hour this evening (again no pain) before trying pink. It took 30 minutes for me even to get pink in! The longest until today, has been about 5 minutes to insert. Once I got it all the way in, it was so uncomfortable, I had to take it out after a few minutes. The weird part is that it didn’t really hurt at all (just resistance) until I got it in that last bit.
I know there will be bad days, but I really thought it would be getting easier and easier to use pink, not more difficult by the day. I’ve been upset ever since I took it out. Will backing down for more than a day help? I’m not sure what to do. If anyone else has experienced this, please let me know what worked for you.

Heather:
Hi Firenze. I am here for you and can assure you that things WILL get better with the dilating. In the first weeks post-procedure, I had the same thing happen and it truly was like a roller coaster. One day, I had no resistance and complete success with inserting the different sized dilators. On the very next day, I would notice a little resistance and discomfort and I would always back down 1 size. For example, if I felt discomfort with blue or pink, I would back down to pink or purple (pure romance). And, then on the very next day, I had no problems (again, the roller coaster). Ellen was EXTREMELY helpful in this area as well.
I also want to share with you words of advice from Dr. Pacik, himself, in a post on 7/31/12:
“Post procedure dilation is a “roller coaster” ride during the first 1-2 weeks after treatment. The muscles are still tight and “talking back” as they are being stretched. Since most women feel they will be the one person for whom Botox does not work, any difficulty with dilation immediately verifies these feelings. Then the muscles loosen up as the Botox is taking effect and the week or two of dilation is starting to be noticeable with less pain and therefore less anxiety.”
I am here for you always!!!

Nakitalab:
Hi Firenze, I’m so sorry you have had a hard time dilating today. Try not to be so hard on yourself though, ok? I know it is easier said than done as I have had challenging dilating days as well and it is so easy to let those negative thoughts in. You are doing so great. Try to remember back to day one when you woke up with blue in and what an amazing feeling it was and that it is possible. It might not work today but it might tomorrow. It is so important to keep dilating no matter what size the dilator is. Our bodies are learning to stretch with the dilators and we are going to have challenging days. I’m 80 something post procedure days and I have challenging days every once in a while. In fact I had one earlier this week. They key for me is to try and push those negative thoughts out and continue dilating. It is ok if it takes a long time to insert pink. When I had a hard time with blue I would dial down to pink and if I had a hard time with pink I would dial down to purple. Try not to compare yourself to others as we are all different and have a different story. Please don’t feel bad about yourself or give up hope. I promise it will be easier as time goes on. We just have to teach both our minds and our bodies that we can insert the different size dilators. I also found that I needed to experiment on the most comfortable position to be in when I dilated (i.e. standing, laying on the bed). I found that laying in bed watching tv was the easiest for me. It helps me to be distracted. Also I found that sometimes it is more difficult to dilate if I have had a stressful day. I want you to know that I’m here for you. You are not alone. Sending you a virtual hug!

[Heather34]

Hi ladies. I should also note that even with the roller coaster that is dilating, this was Firenze’s exciting follow-up post on Day 11:

Firenze:
Hi everyone, I came down with the flu and was unable to share the exciting news that me and my boyfriend were able to have intercourse after 5 years of being together!!! It doesn’t even feel real typing that 🙂
It happened this past Saturday, on Day 11, right after I was having a couple of really frustrating days in a row. It goes to show how much of a rollercoaster this is!
Late last week, I had been having a lot of trouble with pink (long insertion time and soreness). I took it easy that Friday, dilating with only purple and sleeping with it overnight. When I woke up Saturday morning, I decided to try pink again and it went in much easier and I had a lot less soreness. It seems like the morning is a much better time for me to dilate, so I wish this was more of a possibility for me during the week.
Anyway, my boyfriend and I decided to try intercourse after I had pink in for a bit, completely low pressure! We just wanted to see what happened, but I kept saying if it didn’t happen, not a big deal, which helped a lot with my anxiety. We tried missionary and it worked!!! I didn’t have any pain which completely surprised me after I had been having so many issues with soreness. We didn’t try any thrusting and I didn’t want it to end haha.
We haven’t been able to try since then because I’ve been sick, and I’m scared and excited to try again! If we did it once, we can do it again, right? 🙂
Dr. Pacik’s program and the botox helped me achieve in 11 days what I had been working to do in physical therapy for over 2 years! Thanks to everyone here for their support!

[Kim]

Wow very encouraging. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to pressure and expectations. I definitely will keep coming back to these posts for encouragement. Thank you!

[Olivia]

Hello!

Kim- I am excited to keep up with your progress and am sure dilating is going well for you. For me I think I will be able to better start a routine and have a real schedule down and will be able to progress through the dilators in that way. I try to remind myself what these posts say to dilate and not focus too much on what size dilator I am on and to remember that just dilating is important.

Heather- thank you for your encouraging words once again. This forum and these posts have been real signs of encouragement and support 🙂

[Kim]

So good to hear from you Olivia! It’s been a frustrating few days. I feel like I’m going backwards. My body is so sore from the dilation that every day I can tolerate less time with a dilator and increased pain. I’m really hoping that I can tell a noticeable difference once the Botox kicks in, because now it feels like it always has with so much pain & resistance. I’m actually embarressed to email the staff & Dr. Pacik how I keep regressing in my dilation sizes – the only one that doesn’t give me constant pain right now is #2 🙁 It’s been a week since our procedure and I’m sooooo hoping that I feel a distinct difference when the Botox kicks in. How are you doing?? Can you feel a difference with the Botox yet??

[Olivia]

Hi Kim, I am sorry to hear about the pain you are experiencing, but dilating with #2 is better than not dilating at all, and right now we are still stretching the muscles, having them get used to dilation, a few days ago we weren’t able to insert anything, we have already come pretty far and it is only day nine post procedure. I don’t know if the botox has kicked in yet. I have been dilating with #3 mostly. Just recently I had #3 in for over 3 hours before I put in #4 and that was in for four. Most days I don’t have that much time haha. #4 went in easier then 3 did and I attributed that to having 3 in for so long before.
Right now I am just trying to get into the routine of dilating and trying not to focus too much on the dilator sizes. I have noticed though with #3 just like it is mentioned on the dilating forums that the dilator hits a point when it is painful and difficult to get in, once past that point it slides in, then after that it hurts for awhile after it is in. I just have to find a comfortable way to sit or lay after that.
You are doing so well, try not to get discouraged or embarrassed, you have already come so far!! I am so proud of you and look forward to reading your posts. 🙂

[Heather34]

Hi ladies. I hope you are doing well and am sending positive thoughts and prayers to you all daily. For those members reading this right now who will be treated coming up in December, please know we are all here for you. Please feel free to ask any questions at all that you may have prior to your procedures and it can be anything from what is it like to do the dilating to what fun things to do in NH or Boston in December? Looking forward to hearing from you all.

[KarenK]

Hello, I feel so bad that I haven’t posted anything in this forum until now! Thank you for making us feel so welcome Heather. I am having my procedure on December 16, which is hard to believe is only 2 weeks away. I’m so ready to tackle this head on. I have been doing pelvic floor PT with a wonderful physical therapist for over 2 years now and feel this should be my final step (fingers crossed!!). I’ve been dealing with both the emotional and physical pain that naturally comes with this condition for 15 years so the trip up to NH almost seems surreal. I look forward to meeting Dr. Pacik and his team – everyone I’ve encountered so far have been wonderful.

[Heather34]

Hi Karen. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so, so excited for you to have your treatment coming up on 12/16 and I just know it will go so well! I, too, struggled with vaginismus for several years in the past, which included my 11-year relationship/5-year marriage. Both my hubby and I are so thankful that we found Dr. Pacik and he was truly the answer to years of prayers. You are in excellent hands with him and all of the staff and they care so much about you as a person and they also all understand all aspects of vaginismus, which is so very important. In the past, I had such a hard time explaining it to doctors and clinicians and to not only have a doctor but also a dedicated group of people all understand it is so comforting and helpful. Please know that we are all here to support you and, again, I am so excited for you to have your upcoming treatment soon. Also, please ask any questions at all that you may have pre-procedure. Sending hugs!!! :):):)